I brought my toddler twins to a school holiday concert this week. And just before the music started, I turned to those sweet 2-year-olds and said,
“DO NOT FORGET THAT YOU ARE WEARING UNDERWEAR. I REPEAT, DO NOT FORGET THAT YOU ARE WEARING UNDERWEAR. DO YOU HEAR ME?!!”
I was so proud when they made it through every holiday jingle without an accident.
Of course, later they both pooped in their underwear but nobody’s perfect.
Potty training is not my thing. I’m not one of those parents who enjoys those potty parties where you sit inside all day, madly hydrating your child and putting them on the toilet every 6 minutes. My idea of a party includes a sitter, margaritas and most certainly a rooftop bar.
Plus diapers are so convenient. Public restrooms are not. Even a portable potty in the back of a minivan can get messy.
Why does everyone say with such incredibly joy, “We are done with diapers!” They should just say… “A one hour drive will now take us 6 hours with bathroom breaks!”
There’s a reason that infamous NASA astronaut drove 950 miles in diapers so she could confront a romantic rival. A course in “Peeing in Bathrooms is a Serious Time Waster” must be part of the rigorous NASA training.
But then one day, a friend watched me change my son Chase and it was not a pretty situation. She asked, “So when are you going to start potty training?” I looked at that gross diaper and thought, “How about right now.”
I bought a big box of pull-ups and told my twins it was time to start using the bathroom. I wanted the process to go quickly. So in an effort to sweeten the toilet deal, I offered them an M&M every time they peed in the potty.
And in 3 days, they were potty trained! I mean, in 3 days they were M&M addicted tyrant dictators! They would somehow manage to squeeze out two drops of pee in the potty at 15 minute intervals and demand more M&M’s.
My M&M budget was nearing my diaper budget and I’m not a nutritionist but I don’t think kids are supposed to eat a steady stream of corn syrup and artificial dyes all day.
Time for a new plan. I scrapped the candy and now they get a potty high five and a potty song! This new reward is much less popular. Honestly, they both asked me to stop singing the song.
I know some kids sort of potty train themselves. My 2nd child Summer was a ridiculously easy. I honestly remember handing her a pack of underwear when she was a toddler and that was pretty much the end of it.
But my twins are more of a work in progress. I work. And they slowly progress.