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Hey, it’s 3 1/2 year old Chase! Sorry I haven’t been blogging but if you ask me, blogs are so OVER. Don’t tell my mom though because she’s obsessed with it.

I had a great weekend. I mean, not as good as my dad because he was in Miami at The Fontainebleau. Whatever. I’d be partying at hotspot Liv too if my bedtime wasn’t 7:30 pm.

Anyway, I had been complaining to my mom about an earache for days. Honestly, it didn’t hurt at all but my little brother Cash had gotten this pink medicine for his and well, I obviously wanted a piece of that action.

By Saturday, my mom looked truly worried and dragged all 5 of us to the pediatrician so I could see a doctor. I pulled on my ear a few times just to keep the whole story legit.

Then we had to wait an hour and a half. I thought my mom’s head was going to explode. I wasn’t bored at all. They had a whole box of those doctors’ gloves and that can pretty much keep me entertained for about 3 days.

Finally, the doctor came in and instead of confirming my story, the lady tells my mom, “He’s perfectly healthy!”

WTF lady doctor?! She totally denied me my pink medicine and my mom turned to me and said, “Chase – does your ear REALLY hurt?”

“No,” I admitted because the whole charade was pointless if I wasn’t getting the goods.

There was a big sigh from my mom who started ranting about how I was going to pay her back the $25 co-pay.  You know mom, it’s illegal for preschoolers to work.

Then we headed to Boca to hang out with my grandparents for the day. By the time we got home, my mom seemed a little exhausted and edgy.

She tucked all of us kids into bed and that’s when she realized she didn’t have any wine in the house.

Gasp! (My mom told me to write that. In fact, I’m letting her take over this blog post because at this point in the evening I went to sleep and I don’t care about wine anyway. Now if this was about pumpkin muffins, I’d be all over it. Okay, mom tell the sad, sad story….)


So I tucked all the kids into bed and that’s when I realized there was no wine in the house.


How can a house have 3 jars of capers and not one bottle of wine?!

I texted a neighbor… “Are you home?”

“On a bus coming back from Tampa. What’s wrong?” she responded.

“Nothing except I just took care of 5 kids all day and there is no wine in the house.”

She immediately understood the gravity of the situation. She gave me her garage code and told me there was wine in her fridge.

Except I couldn’t go in there.

Because a day or so before, she had found two baby snakes hiding out in her garage.

And when it comes to things I dislike, snakes are way way way at the top of the list. I texted my sister about the dilemma.

She wrote back…

“Man up. Put on your rain boots and make a lot of noise and turn on the lights. The snakes will stay clear if they are even in there. It’s worth it.”

I did not man up. Not at all. My fear of snakes overpowered any desire for a glass of wine. But the next day, my neighbor delivered this…

wine 1

Just so you understand the size of this thing, let me show it to you next to a normal size bottle of wine.

wine 2

It seems more like a weapon than a beverage.

But now I’m prepared in case of any future emergencies.

17 Responses to wine is better than capers

  • Corina says:

    You sure have great neighbors! And it’s a Riesling! Nice.
    I stocked up at Costco with two bottles of Riesling today, because I have three kids, and I get edgy too. I live far, far out in the boonies, so I can’t just run to the store and get wine in an emergency. Cheers!
    And, Chase? You should hang out with my four year old daughter, so you two could tell lies about your ears to each other. Hmpf.

  • Franny says:

    They’re still pushing pink meds on moms with beige rugs!!?? WTF! I had a kid who would NOT take his meds voluntarily and every 6 hours was a MMA event involving 2 adults against one 35 lb. kid, who inevitably spit or vomited up the red or pink stuff all over. So each rx had to be filled 2 or 3 times and left our bathroom looking like Dexter was there. I kept wondering why they don’t make beige medicine. Sounds like a proposal for Shark Tank.

  • I stopped at Whole Foods on the way to my hotel after my last business meeting today. Bought a bottle of wine. And organic gummi bears. And went back to my hotel room and DRANK THE ENTIRE BOTTLE…because it’s not like I can take it with me on my flight home tomorrow, right? So I shouldn’t be wasteful… And, so as not to be a glutton, I only ate half the gummi bears…

    Thank goodness I didn’t have to down that king size bottle!!!!!

  • beachgirl says:

    What an awesome neighbor. You are truly settled in to your new abode when you have the neighbor’s garage code and have her delivering gallons of wine to you! I cannot imagine hauling 5 kids to the doctor’s office…seriously!

  • Becky says:

    We have mice in our garage – or once had mice but once is ALWAYS with me and mice so I won’t even take the garbage out. I leave it by the door for my son or husband to deal with.

    p.s. I truly love it when Chase blogs. Has he thought about his own Twitter handle??

  • colt13 says:

    Is that a magnum? I sympathise with you, because I live in a state in which you can’t order wine online-which I didn’t know until I won a 25 dollar gift card from a wine company.

  • Princess Judy says:

    Chase, my cat is getting that pink medicine, and yes, the other cat is insanely jealous. But guessing by how much the first cat spits it up, it isn’t all it is chalked up to be. Now that wine…. that’s another story. Wait until she’s distracted and then ask mummie for sip.

  • Steph says:

    Oh, I am on board with your sweet sister. (wo)Man:) up and put some boots on. Going wine-free after taking 5 kids to the pediatrician means you are destined for sainthood. Thanks for your, as always, fun posts.

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kelcey kintner