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I was at Starbucks the other day and just like always the barista (are they even still called that?) says to me…

“Did you have a surrogate for your twins?”

And I’m all like, I’ll have a half caf grande soy no foam latte and what about that SURROGATE thing?

And he proceeds to repeat the question, “Did you have a surrogate?”

What is happening here?! Does he have me confused with Sarah Jessica Parker? Is he recommending surrogates if I’m interested in adding to my family without that troublesome “can’t drink, get fat” thing? Or does he, gasp, think I’m too old to give birth to my children?

Oh my god, he thinks I’m too old.

I can only imagine this is some kind of cosmic retribution because I unintentionally made someone cry at the doctor’s office recently. I didn’t mean to. I was in the waiting room and this one very curious lady asked me about my twins and what was it like having four children. And because I didn’t feel very sugarcoaty that day, I said, “Amazing but completely and ridiculously overwhelming.”

Shortly after another woman, also sitting in the waiting room, says all teary eyed, “I just found out I’m pregnant with my fourth. We weren’t planning on having a fourth. And now that I’m listening to you, I’m just so freaked out.”

Oh dear. But in all fairness to me, how the hell am I supposed to know this chick next to me is PREGNANT. With her FOURTH.

So I explain that my life is actually quite joyous. And I absolutely adore all my children. And it is really the 14-month-old twins that make it a bit, just a bit, overwhelming sometimes. But I wouldn’t return any of them. Not a single one. Well, maybe Summer. But just for an afternoon. And then I would totally want her back.

I think I am able to calm this woman a little bit and then thank goodness, the nurse calls my name.

So I could only imagine as I stood there in Starbucks, looking very quizzically at the barista, that maybe I was being punished in some way for unintentionally causing that pregnant mother undue emotional stress.

“Umm… no. I didn’t have a surrogate. Why?” I ask.

“Because you don’t look like you had twins.”

Ohhhhhhhhh. This is a compliment. The worst executed compliment ever – but still, a compliment!ย  He thinks I look good for having given birth to twins. Well, lordy barista/coffee maker/caffeine worker bee…. next time just say, “You look great for having had twins.”

I wonder if I can get a free coffee for undue emotional stress.

29 Responses to why is everyone talking to me?

  • Marinka says:

    I can’t believe you are bragging that you don’t look like you had twins just days after I was asked if I was pregnant.

    Please report to Friendship Probation immediately.

  • Hilarious! I really had no idea where he was going with that somewhat leading question, so I’m glad this is where you landed. And as for that woman in the waiting room, you should have said, “I’m so sorry, you misunderstood! I have FOUR SETS OF TWINS. That’s what makes it overwhelming. Four kids? Your life is a cakewalk, honeylamb!”

    Feel free to use that the next time. I won’t charge you.

  • Jessica says:

    Huh. The barista at MY Starbucks yesterday asked me when my twins were due. I had quadruplets five years ago. Guess my “stress weight” around my middle is still needing some attention. LOL!

  • annie says:

    See, now I totally knew that’s where he was going with that.

    Next time I’ll go with you and he’ll ask if I’m your surrogate. Or since I’m out of state you can just take Marinka.

  • babymama says:

    Swear I read Marinka’s post earlier. And yours now.
    And that made it all the more funny.

    I don’t know about you but at this point, I’ll take a compliment any way I can get it.


  • Abby Siegel says:

    Why are people STILL asking people if they are pregnant? Isn’t that supposed to be super-taboo?

    Kelc-known you for over 25 years and you look exactly the fabulous same self as you did long ago. And after 4 kids that’s quite the compliment!

  • dahlila says:

    I can’t believe he said that–the first part, leaving you hanging. What a doof.

    But compliments, Yay! So there’s that. Definitely a free coffee coupon moment. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    Last night Joy Behar had the Octomom on her show. What a freak she is…photo of her with her 8 babies was shown; she couldn’t even get her arms around them. Now they’re 2 years old and she took them on a plane trip someplace and everyone was annoyed and yelling at her because of the noise those kids were making. I have no children; but I could ‘cry’ for the 14 she has….poor kids – no father and a moronic mother.

  • Diane says:

    Did you tip the barista? I was just at a Kenny Chesney concert in Tacoma, WA and when I pulled out my TX dl to attest to my age (they card everyone under 55), the girl said ‘WOA!’. And I don’t think it was because it was probably the first Texas drivers license she had ever seen. I left no tip.

  • Heather says:

    Well that had a happy ending! The worst thing someone said to me while I was pregnant was, “Do they make maternity clothes for people your age?” Yeesh!

  • Leigh Ann says:

    It’s funny when people say “you look good for having twins.” Like I look like crap otherwise? Kelcey I think you look fabulous for having ANY kids.

  • Kristina says:

    This is great! I to have 4 kids, including twins, I always get asked, “Are they yours? All of them?” And when I reply, “Yes.” they say, “you don’t look like you should have 4 kids.” Sometimes I’m not sure how to take that!!??

  • barb sigel says:

    My mom’s friend is planning her twins 50th surprise birthday. She told me that she has only recently forgiven them for how tired she was the first five years!

  • ogladi says:

    I have 3 and love when I get to qualify to look good. Who gets to judge what someone ‘should’ look like after kids? Rude. Good post. Can relate.

  • Cabbage says:

    Do we really call Starbucks employees baristas? I reserve that title for people who make bunny art in my latte foam. But that was a weird and impertinent question, no matter what the punch line is.
    Don’t beat yourself up. I think that having twins just puts constant pressure on that sarcasm itch.
    “How cute, do you dress them alike?” “You’re the kind of person who owns doggie costumes, aren’t you?”
    “I’ve always wanted twins.” “Really? Cuz you get the same effect from drinking 3 Lokos and beating yourself up with a baseball bat. And it’s cheaper.”
    Any woman who has 3 kids is already plenty aware of whatever’s coming. I bet her tears were more of frustration than dismay. “I have to potty train AGAIN!?”

  • anymommy says:

    Okay, she dug herself out of that one, but only barely. You totally look the right age to have twins. I actually think you should have another set ๐Ÿ˜‰

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kelcey kintner