So maybe I need to clear something up.
No, I did not duct tape my kids in a corner, as Allison T. suggested, to keep them quiet during my interview with Better TV. Mostly because I don’t currently have any duct tape in my home.
This is sort of how the interview went at first…
“So are you stressed about the holidays?” asked the producer.
“Well – it does get a bit crazy this time of -”
“Mommy, I can’t find any of the hats for the potato heads. And they need hats,” Dylan interjected.
“New shirt. Need new shirt,” Summer insisted because she likes fresh attire every 23 minutes or so.
“And feet. The potato heads need feet. Can you help me find the feet? Where are the feet?” Dylan continued.
“NEW SHIRT!!!!” Summer whined.
Then they both veered off message and decided to immediately change into princess gowns. And Dylan chose to be all Britney and go cammando. So I explained to Dylan, “As a general rule of thumb, we try to keep our underwear on when we have guests over.”
And then I put them in front of the TV to watch a little “Sesame Street” while I finished the interview. No duct tape, scotch tape or any other adhesive needed. 21st century parenting in action.
Meanwhile, I’m such an idiot for complaining about Dylan pooping like clockwork at Whole Foods every week. Where was my gratitude?! (Thank you MN Mama for reminding me about gratitude.)
So here’s my newest rule of thumb. Anytime a kid poops in a toilet, you should just be grateful and shut the hell up.
Because yesterday Summer pooped in the tub. Of course, this has happened before. But it never gets any less gross. So I evacuated the tub, scooped out the poop, cleaned all the toys, scrubbed the tub and then refilled it for Summer and Dylan.
But Dylan was seriously unimpressed with my cleaning efforts.
“I still see poop crumbs,” she said.
But I’m telling you there was not a poop crumb, whatever that is exactly, in sight.
See, now just a few weeks ago, we were all engaged in a spirited debate about the future of this country. And now, I’m blabbering about poop crumbs.
I better go watch Obama on “60 Minutes” and try to pull myself together.
The rest of you, make sure to keep your underwear on if you have guests coming over.
mama bird notes:
Robin S. is the winner of the Ugly Dolls Babo’s Bird and the Hey Ugly Icebat Journal from Psychobaby! Congrats Robin. Please email your address to Kelcey@mamabirddiaries.com and your ugly winnings will be on their way to you.