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Man, it is suddenly cold out. And dangerous.

Just today, I almost drove into oncoming traffic because my back got itchy from my super size, extra insulated parka and I was thrashing around trying to get the zipper down so I could reach the itch and at that point,ย  I didn’t care what lane I was in – I JUST NEEDED TO SCRATCH MY BACK.

Winter is exhausting like that.

And I’m also currently suffering from O.M.G.W.A.I.G.T.D.W.T.K.O.A.T.W.V.

Otherwise known as, “Oh my God, what am I going to do with these kids over a two week vacation?”

The weather will be freezing. My husband will be working. And I will be panicking.

I remember when the word vacation held the promise of excitement and fun (Bain de Soleil! Pina Coladas! Men in speedos!). Now – just terrifying dread.

Sort of how a glass of wine used to be something you’d drink when out to dinner with friends. Now it’s something you drink at 4:30 pm. With a side of Pirate’s Booty and goldfish.

I started looking into these vacation camps at different play spaces in the area. I’m now convinced these play spaces are colluding to price gouge frazzled, desperate parents. Because they all charge EXACTLY the same thing. TOO. MUCH. MONEY.ย  Yes, that’s an exact figure.

So here are my vacation options…

1. Be the victim of extortion and sign my older girls up for one of these vacation camps.

2. Take my girls daily to the dicier, less hygienic, cheapo play space in the area. Once the girls are sick from all the germs, feel totally justified in showing them movies every day for the remainder of the break.

3. Go to the mall where they have fun rides (escalators and elevators), face painting (do-it-yourself at Sephora) and a life size playhouse (Pottery Barn).

4. Hold up a Michael’s craft store and steal enough glitter and sequins for two weeks of art projects.

I don’t usually think armed robbery is the answer but this is the winter holiday break after all.

mama bird notes:

I just loved all your answers to our goat giveaway. I wish I could give each and every one of you an Oxfam goat. Momma Goose is our winner. Momma Goose – I can either drop off your goat at your house or you know, we can send it to a needy family.ย  And everyone, please consider Oxfam for your holiday gifts this year. No wrapping needed.

32 Responses to when you say vacation… you don’t mean me, right?

  • Yup – school holidays are always a challenge – esp when you have 4 kids like you!

    We are about to commence our summer holidays here. Part of it will be spent visiting family – I have to get on a plane with all 3 kids. Lord, help me.

  • hokgardner says:

    I’m dreading the break, too. But at least the weather is warmer here, so I can yell “GO OUT IN THE BACK YARD RIGHT NOW IF YOU’D LIKE TO LIVE TO SEE YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY!” at the kids.

  • Traci Kuhn says:

    I remember it all so well! When the kids were younger I swear the days were 36 hours long. I knew all the Mary Kate and Ashley Sing-a-longs. And God help my husband if he got stuck in traffic and came home late. Make sure to save your art projects so when they are in college you can drag them out of the box and marvel at how crafty you were!

  • I so feel for you. The way I handled it was book eight tickets to Hawaii. But in order to do that, I resorted to the armed robbery for cash instead of glitter. (juuuuust kidding.). My suggestion- break out every craft/game/toy in your house, and play, play, play with reckless regard. (but hire a daily housekeeper to follow
    you and the kids around all day.) BTW- love the half naked man on the left side bar. Yummy. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • MN Mama says:

    My girls spend hours playing with GAK. It is super easy to make and they just love it. I also make home made play doh which tends to be a little less messy than the store bought stuff. Of course, I only have two children so I think it is probably a little easier to entertain them. Hang in there! You are a great mom and they will have a great break!

  • I think Wendi’s comment wins.

    Or you could have the girls stretch their super cool babysitter powers and have them watch the twins while you sneak away to get your Bain de Soliel on. (Do you remember those commercials? I think I’m still scarred from the too tan oily people…)

  • It’s a weird math thing that 4 kids is a crazy amount of work, but if you add 2 more well-mannered friends, it is less work. The key is well-mannered and it expires after 2 consecutive days when the novelty wears off. Other ideas- tents out of blankets in the family room, with flashlights and new books. Who am I kidding- Good Luck!!!

  • Peta says:

    Here’s an idea: get divorced so you can make Dad deal with it for one of the weeks, I mean so you’ll have to share the break. Oh, yeah I tried that, it sucks. I second Wendi’s suggestion.

  • Allison T. says:

    Totally OT: who is the beefy hunk with the (phallic) gun in the ad on your webpage? I think the ad might be for a book but it’s really hard to read the words appearing over his huge pecs. Someone please send me THAT on my Kindle for Christmas. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • francine Kasen says:

    I have always said that New Years is NO TIME FOR resolutions!! With the kids home and the weather yucky, and family visits, that is NO TIME to give up drugs or chocolate!!!

  • Valerie says:

    I only have one in school but I’m already dreading those mornings that she isn’t gone. The way she fights with her brother just grates on my nerves! And now she has started picking on the babies too. At least I get three mornings a week. But not for break!

    We’ll probably hit up the zoo, the museum, and do some serious cookie baking (my go-to “craft” activity). Oh, and we’ll watch movies, because it’s cooooold!

    I also like the Sister Wife comment! I believe I’ve said more than once that there are definitely many situations where having an extra woman around would be truly helpful.

  • Honest Mum says:

    Being a UK mummy, we don’t seem to have the same things on offer as you do *sad face or maybe we do just not as big *another sad face. Ie. malls etc therefore I’d go with the mall option sounds great-and surely there’ll be some shops there to keep you entertained too! Happy holidays. Something we do have in the Uk! lol

  • Shannon Maida says:

    Not sure what advice to give you, since I am freaking out about what to do with my 2-year old that week. But, I do have to say that I nearly spit out my Yellowtail Bubbly and Snikiddy puffs as I read your stance on what our wine hour looks like. So true!!!

  • Heather says:

    For the love of baby Jesus in a manger, do NOT get glitter and sequins. You will be vacuuming that stuff up for nine months.

  • Have a backwards day. Get up, eat ice cream, read a chapter book in bed, take baths, put on pajamas, eat dinner, play school, and finish the day with breakfast. I don’t know why this works, but kids love it. Unfortunately the magic only works for one day, but you can have a glass of wine mid-morning;)

  • from Europe who loves your blog says:

    what about zoo (pavilions), board games, grandparents, cinema, gardening together, reading books, go buying new books-it usually takes up some time, go outside to look whats in your neighbourhood, trip to a near city, museum, cooking together, trying to come up with a new recipe and involve your children, playing games, let them play games on their own and you relax, meet with other parents and their kids, sightseeing, painting t-shirts, singing songs, create with your children a Christmas gift for your husband…

  • Kristina says:

    Vacations are the best time to go out of town as a family and bond over activities. But yeah, I know how stressful and tiring it is for mothers of young children. Break out all the games you could play and have them help you do the chores! THey get to learn, you get to bond and you get to have extra pairs of helping hand. Enjoy the break!

  • Mom on the Verge says:

    Aren’t they getting new toys somewhere in the next two weeks? There’s always arguing over the new toys…

    Idunno. Leave ’em alone, and eventually, they’ll figure out what to do when the TV is off.

  • layla solms says:

    go for the sister-wife
    and as far as sephora and pottery barn are concerned…. i get dirty looks when i step in to pbk! what the ****???? maybe i shouldn’t pick up the pink princess phone and order out for thai whilst snuggling with a $400 quilt on the $6000 bed. oh well.

  • Momma Goose says:

    Hi! So I read this the other day, and then got pulled away before I could comment, but I didn’t want to go any longer without commenting! Thanks again for the goat. And thanks for the link, too!! (Hmm…I think my blog needs a little updating…oops.)

    This vacation chatter is funny. Reminds me of the Modern Family episode where they go to Florida. Phil is planning fun activities for himself and Claire, and Claire turns to him and says, “Listen. I’m a mother. Travelling with my family is not vacation for me. This is a BUSINESS TRIP.” That cracked me up!!
    Happy Holidays!!!!

kelcey kintner