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I was catching up with my friend Mark the other day. Turns out his sister has six kids. That’s the Brady bunch without any help around the house from Alice. That’s 60 fingers smudging their way through your home. That’s six college tuition bills (ok, you understand). And apparently the mother of this brood might want more. These must be some amazing kids.

Every child is this incredible blessing and so often we don’t get to choose when or if we have a child. But if you could decide – what is your ideal number? Some prefer one kid – perhaps more like a fun, lively accessory rather than a lifestyle change. Although it’s still quite a change because I’ve never seen a bracelet or a purse tantrum like a 3 year-old. Others swear by two. The parents aren’t outnumbered. Others prefer three. It kind of feels like a big, boisterous family. I’m not sure how folks get to six. I guess, just one adorable baby at a time.

For me, I’ve always wanted (and hoped I would be blessed with) a big family. Maybe not 60 fingerprints but something that felt like a team. You know, so my family could kick your family’s ass in badminton. Or if a couple of the kids are in that difficult teen phase, there might be one willing to hang out with me and my husband from time to time.

A California friend is trying to decide whether to “hold” at two captivating and amazing children or press on. Since she always told me about the best sample sales when she lived in New York City (I don’t even know how she got all her industry insider information), I promised her mama bird readers would give her some guidance. So is 3 the new 2? Or should she skip the months of sleep deprivation, crankiness and pointless arguments with her husband at four in the morning and stick at two? Tell her what you think. And then we’ll make her follow our advice.

mama bird notes

In this week’s “beauty diary,” Alex talks about her favorite possession – a divine scent that makes her feel extra fabulous and dishy. Shouldn’t you feel that way about your perfume? No more spritzing until you click on “the beauty diary.”

7 Responses to the number of the day is…

  • Alex says:

    There are so many things to consider these days when it comes to having kids. You have to think about the physical toll, the financials, the family’s quality of life. At the end of the day, though, I think what it comes down to is being able to find balance between your role as a parent and your needs as a person. For me, I know that I could not have more than two children because it would be too draining on me. There are things I want to achieve in this life and I don’t think I could fully go after them if I had more than two kids at home. Mind you, there are plenty of women who have the energy, drive and determination to achieve great things while caring for 3+ kids, but I’m not one of them and I have to be honest with myself about that. So my advice is to fully consider who you are and what you want from life, and go from there. Hope this helps!

  • Jordana Bales says:

    As a Mommy of only one, I don't really know if I'm ready to weigh in on the topic. I once heard someone say "You never regret the children you do have, only those you don't have." (And, believe it or not, I then heard someone admit that she did regret the children she had!) – but if it is true that you only regret the children you don't have – how do you know when you're done?

  • Daphne says:

    Did anyone see that article last month about how 4 is the new 2? Talk about kids as accessories! These women were basically competing to show they were richer, better, as proof they dangled 4 kids in piano lessons, swim team, you get the drift. Insane.

  • Daphne says:

    On a personal note, I absolutely ache every time I see a prego or new babe. All else being equal I’d have a million more babies. It think we must be wired that way at some level. In reality though, I have 2 healthy, perfect kids and our family really works. It seems crazy risky to throw caution to the wind and see what else we might get, so we are done done, holding at 2.

  • Erin says:

    When my daughter was born the L&D was so hard and the first 6 weeks were so draining that I swore she would be an only child. Now that she is 3 months old and the memories have slightly faded I can imagine having another one…sort of. We would like her to have a sibling but whether we stop at two or three has yet to be determined. It will depend on our family dynamics and honestly if we can afford it. It sounds bad to put a price on children but we want to be able to take family vacations, help pay for college and give them opportunities growing up like my parents were able to do for my sister and I…and I dont know if we could do that with 3 children- somedays wonder how we will even get by just with one! I would like her to have a sister but I think my husband would also like a son…so depending what we have next time around could also determine if we have a third! I guess I will have more useful advice when I am at 2 and wondering the same question! Good luck and keep us posted!

  • Kerry says:

    feeling like i’m still in the throes of adjusting to life with two kids (our baby is 5 months, older one is 4), i can easily opt-out of having more. i don’t know how people do it…the intensity of having a new baby is so big for me, that i don’t think i could muster it up one more time. good luck with your decision!

  • Julia says:

    my husband, who is jewish, likes to joke that if we have 9 consecutive boys, he will have his own tribe (apparently something to aspire to!) with our two girls, that is way more than i could ever sign up for. we were blessed with twins our first time around, and i always felt certain that i would go for a third. i’d like to think that i will still have that third someday and that it is just a question of when. our family certainly feels perfect with the two wonderful kids we have, but having a third, i think, would make it complete.

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kelcey kintner