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A sushi place in my town recently updated their menu and these are names of ACTUAL rolls on their menu…

The Mind Eraser Roll: I’m not familiar with this roll but I clearly remember the Mind Eraser shot from college. That Mind Eraser comes with a very big headache the next day and reports from your friends that you were mugging all night long on the dance floor with some guy named Jimbo who had been a college student for six years. I think it’s better if I skip this roll.

Kamikaze Roll: See Mind Eraser Roll.

Foxy Lady: I can only hope that if you eat this combination of salmon, mango and snow crab that hot men lean out of their car as you walk by and shout out, “Foxy Lady!” I tried this once with no success but maybe I needed to order two Fox Lady rolls since you know, I’m over 40.

Golden Dream: This is either similar to a golden shower or watching an episode of “Golden Girls.” Either way, not my kind of roll.

The Westchester Roll: I can only assume this roll wears a tennis skirt and drives a minivan with a My Labrador is Smarter Than Your Shih Tzu magnet on the back.

Titanic Roll: I’m not interested in this roll unless Leonardo DiCaprio serves it to me.

Since this restaurant is obviously working to come up with new and exciting rolls, I thought I’d offer them a few suggestions…

The Tim Riggins is Hotter Than Texas Sweet Chili Sauce roll

The Who Do You Think Will Stay Married Longer – Kim Kardashian or Tara Reid roll: This roll will be discontinued once both have annulled their marriages.

The Michele Bachmann Might be Scarier Than Sarah Palin roll

The For The First Time in My Life I’m Excited to Watch “Two and a Half Men” this fall roll

The Lady Gaga Fatigue roll

The How Come Children Eat So Often roll. The sushi chef recommends you pair this with the Pizza Can Be Served for Lunch and Dinner hand roll.

The Camp is Over But School Doesn’t Start for Three Weeks roll: This roll is served with a bottle of Chardonnay.

mama bird notes:

Catch me over at The Mouthy Housewives today where I’m mouthing off about moms who get nabbed for accidentally stealing groceries!

17 Responses to the chef’s special sushi rolls and a few of my own

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kelcey kintner