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I’m in a desperate search for girlfriends. But it’s really hard to make people your friends. They always want to get to know you first.

Or they are head to toe in Lilly Pulitzer and that just won’t work for me. I don’t mind a splash of Lilly here and there but a full outfit is a red flag. Unless you are really funny. Then you fall under the LOL Lilly Pulitzer exception.

I am also a little suspect of people who have ever run an Ironman Triathlon because why would you do that when there is good TV to watch? (I would now apologize to anyone who does Ironman’s except they don’t read my blog because they are always out running.)

When you move somewhere new, people already have friends so it’s not like they are looking for new ones. Plus with every potential friend, you have to be on. You know really wow them with your sparkling personality. Which is of course exhausting.

I wish I could just walk around with some reference letters from my New York friends and be like…. here you go. You can read it right there. It says,  “Kelcey is super fun to have around. She’s a very caring friend and will add to your life in immeasurable ways. Scoop her up before she has too many friends. Yes, the five kids thing is daunting. But don’t worry. She doesn’t make her friends take care of them! Well, hardly ever.”

I try to be proactive about it. Every time someone mentions their Aunt Bertha has a hairdresser whose drycleaner’s son’s 3rd grade teacher’s sister-in-law lives in my town and is around my age, I always call and see if the person wants to grab coffee or a glass of wine or just to cover our bases, both simultaneously.

I did receive a basket of muffins from a woman at my twins’ preschool. Never met this mom before. But she left me a basket of homemade muffins with the sweetest note. How nice is that?!

When I have friends someday in Florida and someone new comes to town, I am totally going to bake them muffins. Well, buy them muffins. Well, think about buying them muffins. And then feel bad that I didn’t follow through.

I don’t want you to feel sorry for me because eventually I will find my tribe. And meanwhile, it’s 80 and sunny. So if you’re going to be a bit lonely, it’s nice not to be freezing your ass off.

mama bird notes:

So am I a mom? Or a personal assistant? Sometimes I’m not so sure. Check out my piece on The Mother Company.

And it might just be time for Charlie Sheen to take care of his own kids. You know, instead of his ex-wife Denise Richards. See my post on Lifetime Moms.

35 Responses to the art of making friends

  • Tasha says:

    Too bad we didn’t live closer to each other, I would be your friend in a heartbeat. I have two girls, 13 and 10 (perfect babysitting age) I have had the same experience trying to make new friends too. It gets better.

  • Karin says:

    An idea: Because life is super busy and I didn’t want to go door to door introducing myself, about three months after moving into our new neighborhood, we invited neighbors up and down both sides of our block to brunch — and by that I mean (store-bought) muffins, fruit, yogurt, granola and orange juice. About 30(!) people came, so we got to meet quite a few people in one fell swoop. Best of all, I met a few women who were a lot like me and who became my friends. 🙂

  • Charlie’s taking care of Denise Richards??
    When you move to South Africa I’ll soo be your friend! But right now you’ll just have to have your glass of wine knowing that I’m having one too.

    • Ha! Me, too! I think “Oh, it would be so nice to have more friends…” and then I think about the fact that I’d actually have to delay putting on sweat pants and flopping on my couch to watch TV at night and the idea doesn’t sound so appealing anymore…

  • Slow Panic says:

    I’m pretty much the worst at making friends. Somewhere along the line (possibly when I was still in utero) I decided everyone thought I was weird and no one liked me, resulting in me not seeing possible friends who are staring me right in the face.

  • Kristina Dorfman says:

    A year, sadly from experience I know, it takes a full year to feel settled and like someone ‘gets’ you and you can just call them for no reason but to say “Hi”. Thankfully, you do have a super personality. I have a BFF here who is moving to Denver and I forwarded her your blog, because I think you’re so good at stating how hard it is, but that it will all be worth it in the end. Enjoy the weather, it’s NOT 80 degrees here 🙂

  • Robin says:

    Hey, I need some of those reference letters! We moved here (Tucson) a year ago and just got our first dinner party invite like two weeks ago. 🙂 Hey, we’re fun people!! Just ask us.

  • Gretchen says:

    I totally don’t know you but hugs! Meeting friends is HARD. I’ve always said they need to have eHarmony for girlfriends! Hand in there!

  • If only we lived a couple hours closer. I got to say, I surprisingly met some of my now best friends in Orlando through blogging. They get you and this kinda weird, slightly narcissistic, oversharing hobby of ours. Perhaps on Twitter finding local bloggers and suggest wine/coffee meetups. Worked for us!

  • Princess Judy says:

    I have this definition of friend that includes if I were to get kicked out of my house then they’d put me up for the night. I guess that makes me and Motel 6 BFFs.

  • MN Mama says:

    You are an amazing friend. Give yourself and others grace. Hang in there and just wait you will have more friends than you know what to do with. Hugs!

  • Tracey says:

    Have you tried looking into some Mother’s Clubs in the area? I’ve met some amazing women that way….I too moved halfway across the country one year ago with my 4 kids. I joined a Mother’s Club before even registering my car. Seriously look into it – good for the Mama, and good for the kiddos. : )

  • Sevil Egeli says:

    We recently moved to Boca from another country so I feel you. After 17 years of expat life here and there, I got all the experience making new friends but I know it needs time and a bit luck to find the right ones:) Give yourself a year, I’m doing the same.. I really like your blog, by the way.

  • Hollie says:

    Where in Boca (without getting all creepy about it) do you live? Nevermind, I will just tell you that if you are anywhere near Town Center Mall (on Glades and 95), take a couple of Stroller Strides classes (first one’s free!). My friend Jen teaches and/or assists in them, and she is awesome. And the other moms are usually pretty approachable, too. ALSO! Pro tip. Go for the first-time moms. They have NO mom friends. They will look upon you as a goddess of parenting wisdom (don’t tell them otherwise).

  • Leigh Ann says:

    I am so averse to making new friends. It was my biggest fear of my girls starting school – now they would be making their own new friends and going to parties and wanting play dates, but I just want to stick with the friends we’ve had for years and their kids. I had the best time at a bday party where none of the parents seemed to know each other so no one talked to each other. No pressure to socialize! But when I DO meet the moms, they are always nice, and then I feel silly.

  • Ok this girl is back in the hood, no immediate travels so let me take you out on the town for wine. I do not own Lilly and am not running anywhere unless there is a fire. I promised Wendy I would get you out of the house and Marinka can vouch for me, altho I am still not lending her money.
    Messaging you on the Crackbook.

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kelcey kintner