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1. On Sunday, I cut up my first watermelon. EVER. Who the hell hasn’t cut up a watermelon by the time they are… well, my age?! But I find watermelons (and really all melons) intimidating. With their big thick rind and all.

Now that I’ve conquered my melon demons, I obviously feel very empowered.  I’m guessing that hosting my own cooking show is just around the corner.

2. Over the weekend, I left the twins home with my dad and headed to the pool club with my big girls. About a mile from home, I realized I had forgotten my cell phone. I pulled the car over so I could text my dad to bring the phone outside and put it on the front steps. That way, I could easily swing back to the house, jump out of the car and grab it.

But as you might guess, texting someone WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR PHONE, is really really hard. Even harder than cutting a melon.

3.  A friend of mine has a very cool company called UV Skinz and because she’s insanely nice, she sent me a package of rashguard shirts for my kids. And I remember the package arriving at the house but could not locate it. So I sent her the following email…

“Okay, so I swear to god I saw the UVskinz package arrive but now for the life of me – I can NOT FIND IT in this stupid house. Can you just confirm for me that it was sent out? Did I imagine that it arrived? Or maybe my girls squirreled it away somewhere. I have no idea. Let me know because I have ransacked my entire home. I’m sorry I’m such a basketcase. xo”

Well, I did find it.

In a U.S. Postal Service sorting facility in New Jersey. (Honestly, I never even thought to look there.)  Yes, according to the USPS tracking information, it has yet to arrive because it’s still in transit.

I’m blaming incidents #2 and #3 on PTSSFFNLEVVS.

Otherwise known as Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome From “Friday Night Lights” Ending Very Very Soon. It’s so devastating. Maybe I should do a hunger strike until NBC agrees to make more episodes. A hunger strike with loopholes for sushi, peppermint patties and wine. Obviously.

(Note: I did not see the most recent episode on Friday, so I beg you not to divulge what happened.)

39 Responses to proof that there may be something seriously wrong with me

  • Jessica says:

    We go through at least 1 watermelon a week. I have a very specific process for cutting up watermelon and won’t let my husband even try. It’s a stupid thing to be all control freak about, but I like things done “right.”

  • E says:

    If it makes it makes you feel better, I cannot handle grapefruit. If the kids beg for it (which they do) I always rant, “You know I can’t cut grapefruit. Your father does that. If he can’t do it you can’t have grapefruit. Mommy can’t handle grapefruit. Blah, blah, blah….” and they just look at me like I’m utterly nuts. Which I am.
    I went into a deep depression after watching the last episode of FNL. Major grieving. They are currently selling off the props and I contemplated buying Ron one of Coach’s shirts!

  • Renee says:

    A few weeks ago, I was telling my eleven year old daughter about my first car wreck at age seventeen. I wanted to make sure I went ahead and got a healthy fear of driving in the young girl, so I went into explicit detail. Part of the story included a man coming to my window as I was trapped in the car to get a phone number to call my parents. Even though I had lived in the same house and had the same phone number my entire life, I could not get the digits in the correct order for this man to call my Dad. I was in shock and had hit my head on the steering wheel during the crash. At this point in the story, my precocious eleven year old said, “Why didn’t you just use your cell phone to call Papa?”. And here’s the issue: it took me almost a minute to figure out why I hadn’t just used my cell phone. I was starting to feel like a big idiot for not using my cell phone when it dawned on me that in 1986…I DIDN’T HAVE A CELL PHONE!!! My brain has turned to mush and I should not be responsible for the raising of children. 🙂

  • Meredith says:

    I’m suffering the same PPS…FNL.. as you! I’m anxious & I can’t sleep! What will we do without our friends from Dillon? The theme music is my favorite (original 90210 is a close 2nd, followed by Simon & Simon) I might have to start playing it on a loop during my days while I try to perfect my Tammy arm stretch/dance move. Do you think that will ease the pain??

  • Diane says:

    I don’t have a problem with forgetting my phone – the problem is all the kids fighting over it and running down the crummy battery (still on iPhone 3g. sigh) which means I may as well not have a phone at all. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again. Your FNL grief may somewhat be relieved by a little Burn Notice. My whole family is hooked, even 5YO Kiki who wants to be just like Fiona. Check it out.

  • Marinka says:

    My father is a great watermelon cutter. Once I complimented him on it and he said “that’s because I trained as a surgeon.” Needless to say, I’m never having watermelon again. Or body parts.

  • Haha! You are too funny. Well, I have one even worst… I read your post and completely FORGOT about FNL and I’ve been watching this year’s series until about six weeks ago. How the heck do you ‘forget’ about a whole TV show that you’re madly in love with? Yep, and I just checked the DVR … I have 7 episodes to watch! Now how the hell am I going to find time to watch 7 episodes!?! Sneaking away for ONE hour a week was tough enough. See, we’re all in this together – crazy town!!!

  • Marta says:

    Your list proves to me that there is obviously something wrong with me as well. I had been suspicious.

    Once, I realized I left my cell phone at work so I pulled over by the loading dock to call my co-worker and ask her if she could bring it down since I had already left the ramp. Needless to say that was impossible.

  • Steph says:

    You’re too funny! But I don’t think anything is wrong with you. Yesterday I’m asking my daughter where she put the sunscreen and she points to it in my hand. . . . I am in deep denial about the end of FNL and have lost all hope of seeing the cast members here in Austin like my friends have.

  • Auntie T says:

    This will make you all feel better…one day I was talking to a friend and searching for my cell phone in my handbag, telling her that I could not find my phone. And she said, “but aren’t you talking to me on your cell phone?” And I said, ” Oh, yeah that would be the reason it’s not in my bag.” That was my Welcome to Menopause Moment! It only gets better!

  • Loukia says:

    I think I have left my brain where your brain is! For real, I only recently cut up watermelon, too. And handled raw poultry, EW. I’m such a child.

  • anna see says:

    I’ve never cut a pineapple and avoid cutting melons of all sorts! My husband and I just started watching FNL last week on netflix. So, I guess you think it would be worth it if we plunge in?!

  • There is an entire watermelon in our fridge, uncut and probably going bad b/c I lack the oomph to cut the damn thing. I’m one of those people who spend extra money at the store to buy the pre-cut melon pieces. Where are the melon minions when you need them, that’s what I want to know.
    Wait. Wait…a vision appears to me: Tim Riggins and Michale Weston (of Burn Notice) slicing watermelon and then feeding me small, photogenic pieces. Coach (from FNL) offers me a linen napkin to dab my lips.
    Be still my heart…

  • amourningmom says:

    If it makes you feel better I put liquid dish soap in the dishwasher this weekend (not the kind that goes in the machine). . .Flashback to 1991? When we left for spring break and did the same thing. . .bubbles everywhere.

    Sorry about FNL – maybe they will do a sequel or Justin Bieber will start a new show. xoxo

  • Amy says:

    I see absolutely nothing abnormal about any of this. I just blame it on the reactions of others around me- much easier on the fragile self-esteem of this hormonal, peri-menopausal woman. If that fails, I blame it on my other personalities.

  • I went to a pot-luck this weekend (and seriously? if I go to one. more. pot. luck. this summer I’m going on a hunger strike too – just FEED ME) and everybody who came brought cut up watermelon. There were like 10 platters of it.

    It’s pineapples that intimidate me.

  • Christene says:

    I get like this all the time… I used to think it was due to being pregnant, but now I call it Mommy Brain, as does my husband. I wonder if there is such a thing as Daddy Brain.

  • Tonya says:

    I’m perpetually leaving my iPhone at home but I still don’t think that’s any excuse for the hubs to not know what I need him to do when I’m out.

  • the other day i gave my daughter my cell phone to take photos with to keep her busy so i could make a call without her interrupting me. minutes later i told her “quit taking photos, i need you to help me find my phone!”

    which is all just to say… i know how you feel.

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kelcey kintner