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I am praying that my kids are never Olympians.

Because who needs that stress or humiliation.

It’s not about waking up at 4 am to take them to the rink, the pool or the track because hello, there are taxi cabs for that sort of thing. Obviously.

It’s that part where you watch your kid during the competition.

That is gymnast John Orozco’s mother while he performs. The poor woman is tortured. Although that’s no excuse to wear a flag as a hair accoutrement.

Most of these parents look like junkies who are about to pass out and throw up.  Have you seen Gymnast Aly Raisman’s parents? OMG. And you know, I don’t use OMG lightly. It’s not that kind of blog.

NBC keeps taking the clip off YouTube but you can see it here on Gawker.  PLEASE watch all 56 seconds because it’s really worth it.

Because of this parental anguish, I’ve been encouraging my kids to be strictly mediocre in all sports and competitions.

Despite this request, they both came home with medals  from their camp Olympics.

7-year-old Dylan was awarded one for “throwing.” Damn, that means she could be a future javelin thrower.

5-year-old Summer won one for “sitting and watching.”

At least Summer is on board with my plan.

mama bird notes:

This post was sponsored by ToySplash, the Olympian of pool toys and accessories.

ToySplash has everything from in-pool patio sets (yes, IN the pool) to pool archery games to dog swim vests. Yes, I said everything.

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kelcey kintner