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Ok look. I get it. Chances are I’m not going to be with Taylor Kitsch (better known as Tim Riggins or #33 of “Friday Night Lights” fame).

I mean, first of all I don’t know him. We just don’t run in the same circles. And he’s a decade my junior which means we might run out of things to talk about (Don’t think I haven’t learned a few things from the tragic love story of Madonna and Jesus Luz).

And maybe Tim Riggins doesn’t go for the married with two kids and pregnant thing.  And my heart really belongs to Coach Taylor. So I’m not fooling myself into thinking that someday Riggins and I are going to have our shot. Let’s face it. We probably aren’t.

This I have come to accept.

But this I can not….

Riggins might be dating Miss-I-Think-Tuna-Is-Really-Chicken Jessica Simpson?!

The girl who wouldn’t eat buffalo wings because she doesn’t eat buffalo?!

The girl who admitted that it’s difficult to master golf because her boobs get in the way?!

According to an unnamed source, Riggins and Jessica Simpson were introduced through a friend and then,

“They ended up talking all night and it’s gone from there. He’s very sweet and constantly tells Jessica she’s gorgeous.”

I just feel like a super hot, awesome actor like Riggins deserves someone of a somewhat higher caliber.

So to investigate this shocking news further, I went to my unnamed source (I’ll call him Rick)…

“Honey, Tim Riggins from “Friday Night Lights” might be dating Jessica Simpson! Isn’t that crazy?!”

“I like her.”

“What?! Why the hell would you like her?”

“She’s got a nice trashy thing going on.”

Ok I’m done with that unnamed source.

Thankfully, now more unnamed sources are saying Riggins and Simpson have never even met. Which is what I am choosing to believe.

P.S. If you think this post is shallow – you really should thank me because I could have written an entire blog about Summer’s stomach flu and how she puked all over my comforter, sheets, floor, boots (inside and out) and just about everywhere else. But that would have been nasty. And I love you all so much that I would never do that to you.

P.S.S. Thank you to E for inspiring this vomit free post.

mama bird notes:

BlogHer ‘10 is coming to NYC this summer and I (along with my fellow Mouthy Housewives and Aunt Becky) have put together a proposal for a room, called Dear Abby 2.0: Giving Advice in the Blogosphere.

Please help us bring this session to BlogHer!! Whether you plan to be there or not, please vote by clicking here, log on to BlogHer and then click “I would attend this session” (it’s just above the title: Dear Abby 2.0). After you click it it will miraculously say “I would not attend this session.” This means that your vote for the session has been successfully registered. Thank you!

30 Responses to if i can’t have you taylor kitsch, no one can. especially not her.

  • Nancy Walton says:

    OMG, nobody. . .I mean NOBODY cracks me up like you do, Kelcey!!! Just so you know, if Taylor IS dating Jessica Simpson, there’s a lot more young, hottie guys out there to be blatantly lusted after. I’m not a Taylor Lautner type of girl myself, but I was checking out the young (and I mean yuh-uh-UNGH) new actor who plays Poseidon’s grandson in the new movie about the mythological gods and goddesses and their grandchildren called “Percy Jackson and The Olympians” (Uma Thurman plays Medusa). His name is Logan Lerman and if I were a 14-year old girl, I would definitely have his poster on my wall. I’m just sayin’. . .

  • You are seriously getting in the way of my own imaginary relationship with Taylor Kitsch. He is the ultimate man-candy. Bad for you, but so yummy you just can’t resist. My husband teases me every week about my “boyfriend” whenever he turns up on screen, but thankfully doesn’t laugh when I visibly cry when he shows his manly, yet sensitive side. (Oh, how I cried when Becky told him that he was a good man despite what her mother had said!)

    But outside of those shoulders, those lips, that large brow and rippling abdomen…. well, I kinda think that he and Jessica might just be a perfect match. Sigh. And admitting that is *thisclose* to wrecking my fantasy.

  • Marinka says:

    How can you have a crush on a man with a Village Idiot haircut?
    And I don’t understand Jessica’s appeal at all. She looks like a 50 year old woman from Palm Beach.

  • Jodi says:

    I have to stick up for Jessica. I like her. She’s young and hasn’t made the smartest comments, but maybe she is smart, because those lines made her pretty famous, which is what she was going for. I think people are too hard on her. The fact that I defend a complete stranger is pathetic, but I can’t help it – I like her! Sad about Summer – I’m making Scarlett walk around with a puke bowl, because I’m sure it’s headed our way.

  • abby says:

    My mom and I like jessica simpson. I admit it. She seems stupid but fun, and she can’t be a total idiot considering she’s made gazillions on her shoes and bags. I am not, however, on the Taylor Lautner bandwagon. He’s so fug!!!! Come on people, kid is not cute!!!

  • Wendi says:

    Oh, Kelcey. It’s just not right that a young, hot TV star with permanently wet hair won’t date a pregnant suburban mother of two. What is WRONG with this world?

  • MN Mama says:

    Thanks for the laugh! We have been dealing with a sick one here so I will be praying that it passes quickly. Hang in there friend!

  • melanie says:

    i’m with you…no jessica simpson for any of the guys i have a crush on!

    sorry to hear about the flu. yuck. hope it passes quickly and doesn’t spread…

  • Jen says:

    what happened to Madonna and Jesus Luz? I’m not up to speed. I do think the sexiest coolest couple out there is Beonce and Jay Z (though he is not sexy but talented)…maybe b/c Empire State is Parker’s favorite song at the moment. Thank goodness she doesn’t understand the lyrics 🙂 Hope you’re feeling well prego, so happy for you xox

  • Stacey says:

    Kelcey, I heard on the radio the other day that Jessica Simpson just let one rip right in the middle of meeting with her execs and designers of her label. Apparently her mother was present and was mortified but she continued like nothing happened. Classy Chic

  • E says:

    I am glad sources are reporting this isn’t true. But I do think Jessica Simpson is hot and I like her shoe line a lot so I couldn’t entirely blame Taylor if he wasn’t able to resist her charms. As dumb as they may be. And I thought it was bad when Miles puked into two buckets of small Lego pieces (several hundred dollars’ worth so we had to wash them) but your boot! Yikes. Hope Summer feels better!!!

  • SoMi's Nilsa says:

    Wait, you’ve got two kids AND you’re pregnant? Where on earth did I miss that one?

    And if the rumor is true about those two, he’s permanently off my list. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to hook up with Jessica’s leftovers.

  • ER says:

    This made me laugh. I am a happily married mom whose hearts belongs to Coach Taylor, but i do understand how these FNL cuties can go to one’s head…. Hopefully JS is just a phase….but to whoever said the comment about John Mayer..as much as I love his music, I would not wish that jerk upon anyone, no matter how classless!

  • johanna says:

    I do like Jessica’s ballet flat shoes…got them at TJMAx for a steal 🙂 but Riggins and her?? I just don’t see it. Get well Summer!

  • First of all, thank you for going with the vomit-free post. I have the flu right now and I tend to get queasy and I really didn’t feel like having to clean up my keyboard and stuff, I get cranky too when I’m sick so I would have probably ended up throwing it all out the window, which means being a faithful reader of this blog would have cost me a computer. That would suck.

    So thanks. Where was it?

    Oh, yeah. What’s with men liking the whole “cute trashy thing”? How can they find a bimbo even remotely attractive? I mean, I get how they can find her attractive, I think David Beckham is HOT!!! too, but when he opens his mouth? OMG, the turnoff. How can men not get turned off by stupidity?

  • Stephanie (Tyler's Mom) says:

    Two kids and pregnant?!?! Did I miss something??? I had to read that three times for it to register. Are congrats in order? 🙂

    Sorry to hear about the flu. The little one had Rotavirus right before Thanksgiving; 10 days of puking and the runs. It was probably one of my worst nightmares. Well, that and Sarah Palin in 2012! LOL

  • Noooooooo! Anyone, ANYONE but her. Even Madonna. Even…well, I don’t know. Just not HER. I totally share your pain. It’s worse than a puking kid. The puke will stop. Images of Tim Riggins nuzzling that humanoid barbie are now locked in my brain forever. So thanks for that. : )

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kelcey kintner