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You’ve thankfully received 14 reminders from Evite that your daughter has a birthday party to attend today.Β  And you already have a gift!

Take a look at your daughter before you leave. Hair and teeth are not brushed but heck, no one is doing that on the weekends, right? Look at your watch, realize you should have left 10 minutes ago and rush out the door.

Throw the minivan into reverse, put your foot on the gas and then smash into your driveway gate. You knew either you or your husband would hit this gate eventually.Β  Mourn the fact that you secretly really thought it would be him.

Realize that now you can’t get the broken gate to open. Run inside and grab your keys to the Jeep which is thankfully parked on the street. As you emerge from the house with the keys, remember that your husband took the Jeep to work. Foiled again.

As a last resort, borrow your mother’s car which smells like a doggy daycare center and rides like a scooter. (Make a mental note to apologize to your mother later for disparaging her car on your blog.)

Put the booster seat in your mother’s car. Listen to your daughter say things like, “Wow. There is A LOT of stuff in this car. I see laundry, CD’s, books, dog dishes, water bottles, bowls, chopsticks etc, etc.” for the entire ride.

Almost fly by the birthday girl’s house but then stop short when you see balloons. Put the car in reverse and accidentally roll over a portion of their grass. Wonder what the hell is wrong with your driving today?!

Realize that six little girls in adorable tea party dresses and the birthday girl’s father (dressed in a tux) are all on the porch, watching you run over the lawn.

Put the car in park, look at your daughter in the backseat and wonder why she is wearing a t-shirt and yoga pants.Β  Consider trying to create a a tea party dress out of the laundry in the back of the car and then realize this is not the “Sound of Music” and you don’t f*cking sew.

Get out of the car, dust Trader Joe’s popcorn off your pants and bring daughter into party. Say goodbye before you destroy any more of their property.

Pray that they send you an Evite as a reminder to pick her up.

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kelcey kintner