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Halloween decorations in the city: Stick a piece of black duct tape (provided by your super) to your apartment door so trick or treaters know to ring your doorbell.

Halloween decorations in the suburbs: Take out a small loan, drive to Party City, scoop up absolutely everything in the Halloween aisle and dump it on your front lawn.

The Halloween decorations are something fierce out here.  Skeletons coming out of the ground, ghosts swinging from the trees and devils emerging from the rooftops.

I realize that it’s time to get my game on. So I head down to Party City and buy three paper lanterns that light up. Ok, I guess I’m semi getting my game on.

I hang them in my windowsill and they look very Halloweeny in an understated way. Until one of them falls. And then the bulbs burn out about 2 hours later.

pumpkins 2

So I replace the bulbs and the batteries, rehang the rogue lantern and relaunch my Halloween display.

And the bulbs burn out again. And now I’m out of bulbs. And batteries.

Hmm… this is more effort than I anticipated.

I return the dumb lanterns and this time put my Halloween reputation in the hands of ghosts that plug in.


But we still have the lamest house on the block when it comes to decorating, so Rick decides to buy some orange lights for our font steps.

pink halloween lights

Except they turn out to be pink.

I know because I can actually see them and because Dylan says, “I like the new lights. I love pink.”

But it’s confusing because these lights did come in a big orange box from Target with the label, “Halloween Lights” and not with the more appropriate label of “Valentine’s Day Lights.”

But just to absolutely confirm that we are now the only family on the block with pink Halloween lights, I ask  one more source… a guy soliciting for money for the ASPCA. He comes to my door and he’s actually very cute but I don’t give him any money because I just want to sit down and watch “Cougar Town.” I know, my priorities are not impressive.

As he’s leaving, I say, “So can I ask you something? What color are these lights?”

“Pink. With a tinge of orange.”

Alright. I can live with a tinge of orange. Happy Halloween.

30 Responses to halloween is harder than it looks

  • Kathy says:

    We lucked out they don’t celebrate Halloween here. But I still but a pumpkin on front porch.
    And left the real spider webs outside my door and window. Weird not having Halloween except I always eat the candy so yeah calories saved!!

  • kristen says:

    spider webs are always good on the bushes and also, wrapped around the railings…we have scary eyeballs in the bushes outside that blink…for the suburbs we’re pretty lame and we’ve been here over 5 years so no excuse!

  • We are totally lame while all our neighbors go all out. Finally, last night, while everyone was trick or treating, my husband printed out two clip art pumpkins and taped them to our front porch. How’s that for fancy decor?

  • sara says:

    Hahaha – awesome effort Kelcey! Everyone knows you’re new here -no one expects much 😉 I think pinkish-orangish lights are actually exceed expectations. Great effort.
    (if it makes you feel better, we carved 4 pumpkins together, and put them out, 5 minutes later a squirrel had eaten through TUCKER’s pumpkin eye….. of course he had to pick Tuck’s poor pumpkin. We’ll get it right next year, mama!!!!!

  • Heather says:

    I got the the pink lights too! So funny! Did you get them at Target? They DID say ORANGE. The box is ORANGE. Somehow the neighbors have ORANGE. I wonder where they got theirs?

  • Nancy Walton says:

    I too LOVE Cougar Town! I find it’s best enjoyed with the bowl of Halloween candy that I know will be gone before any actual Trick-or-Treater rings my doorbell. Guess I’ll just have to turn off the light and pretend I’m not home – again this year.

  • Angela says:

    Kelcey-you’ve got to get yourself to Christmas Tree Shop on Central Avenue in Hartsdale! That’s the best place for anything Halloween, or any other given holiday! And super inexpensive! Check it out!

  • Jennifer says:

    yep, we’re the lamest house on our block with the decorations. i put a few pumpkins and squash-like gourds by the door, bought a couple of Smith & Hawken for Target lanterns, a Papyrus paper pumpkins on a string in the window and called it a day!

  • Betsy says:

    I have a box of Halloween/fall decorations in the basement. However the 3 foot snow drifts in the front yard have spoiled my enthusiasm for this holiday. Trick-or-treating in the snow, with a 4 year old, I am not thinking that this will be fun.

  • ErinB says:

    my neighborhood is strictly mums and carved pumpkins…thank god..or I would be outta here. I cant deal with that kinda stress.

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    Just have Rick answer the door NAKED when the Trick or Treaters come around, and you won’t have to do anything for next year. Your house will be ‘off limits’ to all the kids.

  • Diane says:

    See my question to The Mouthy Housewives. I hate Halloween. Forget the decor – the cost of a bag of candy is equivalent to the amount I am going to have to spend at the orthodonist in the near future. Is it PC to boycott Halloween? Or will my kids get made fun of by their peers forever? Will give my kids something to write about someday at the very least.

  • LT says:

    Your ghosts look great! No need to compete with the house with all the blow ups. Did you make it back there? Did the birds on the top of the page just change or I am very slow at noticing?

  • I am SUCH an seasoned suburbanite that I’ve had a skeleton coming out of the ground for THREE years now.

    This year I stepped the decorating up a notch and have about a dozen pots of mums artfully arranged around my front door. And all of this was accomplished just a week after my lobotomy!

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kelcey kintner