Spice Up Your Inbox. Subscribe Today.

enter your email address:


What are you reading? Fifty Shades of Grey? Is that like some kind of interior design book? I love grey. My walls in my living room are painted grey.  You would think that grey walls might be depressing but it’s totally not —  wait, what did you say? Oh… that is a different kind of book entirely.

I. Can’t. Get. The. Book.  It’s on back order from Amazon for weeks. I borrowed it but then forgot to read it and had to return it to my friend because her 65-year-old mother wanted to read it. And I accidentally gave it back in front of a fellow dad/police officer who now knows I read mom porn but I don’t because I never read it and now I can’t get the book.

Okay, I got the book.

This is so boring. I thought they said it had crazy sex scenes.

Oh there we go!

What’s with all the “panting?” Is this about 20-year-olds or Irish Setters?

Touch my sex? Must be a British thing. God, I hope it’s a British thing or else I’m seriously cringing. I’m cringing anyway.

Why won’t this inner goddess shut the hell up? I really don’t like her.

Oh my gosh, this is the most repetitive book I’ve ever read. Why do I keep reading it?!  I hate this book and I keep turning the pages. What is wrong with me? Is my mind being controlled by Christian Grey and his dark past?!

Major plot problem… If he’s so super hot and mega rich, why is he into this mousy 21-year-old?

Why don’t either of them have any friends? Okay, she has one friend. But that’s it?

Dude, I’ve been gliding. It’s fun but I think you are way overselling it.

Why am I using the word dude?

Finally, the last page. Done. I am officially done!! Check that piece of pop culture trash off my list.  Make note to drop book at local book burning. Make second note to check if book burnings even still exist.

Okay, I’m just going to go ahead and order the second book. I just sort of want to see what happens.

mama bird notes:

Do you love Project Runway?! Me too! Me too! Catch my recap of the latest episode on Lifetime Moms. I delve into all the important issues like why does Raul style his hair like Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley? I still don’t really know.

24 Responses to fifty shades of addictive drivel

  • I will say the second book is better than the first. If you can get past the fact that my 12 year old son can write better than the author. Wait, MY DOG can write better than her.
    The 3rd, I’m halfway through and couldn’t do it. It gets ridiculous. OK it get even MORE ridiculous.

  • Christina says:

    You must have read my thoughts! Horrible horrible writing, repetitive, annoying, and yet I couldn’t put it down. And I read all three. And then I was annoyed with myself that I did.

  • Becky says:

    I read all three. The writing was beyond sad, but what girl doesn’t love a romantic fantasy in which:
    1) a man is willing to change his (very unusual and pain-inducing) habits for her. Especially a man over the age of 25.
    2) her first experience leads to a mind-blowing orgasim. As a former virgin, I don’t remember my first time being like this. At all. Unless by mind-blowing, you mean intense sobbing. And the Catholic guilt over not being married and having just committed a sin.
    3) EVERY time they have sex, she has a mind-blowing orgasim. I wish I could say the same about the first guy I ever slept with (sorry, Rodger).
    4) her beloved sex fiend saves her life and (spoiler alert!) the life she is carrying from a madman hell bent on revenge.
    5) Ryan Gosling may be tapped to play Christian Grey in the movie version. Bring it.

  • She grinned … he grinned … she gagged … he gagged … I sure wish the author had more engaging writing skills because the whole a-life-I-could-never-imagine-but-is-fun-to-live-vicariously-through-for-a-few-hours was intriguing. Got through the first book … maybe the writing gets better for the second? 😉

  • Lori Rattner says:

    50 Shades of what IS the appeal to this? I read the second book and actually began to skim the last sex pages which I just had HAD it already with their sex. ENOUGH already yet I did order the third book? What the hell? I should be using that precious 10.00 for a half of a pedicure!

  • When I Blink says:

    “Why do I keep reading it? What is wrong with me?” — that made me laugh.

    People kept telling me to read it, and I kept resisting… which somehow just encouraged people to send me excerpt after excerpt. So I ended up reading a lot of it, completely out of order, by email. Very strange.

    Can’t say I went ahead and read book 2 or 3; but I did get inspired to create my own version of “mom porn”: http://imissyouwheniblink.com/.....ed-neatly/

  • Haven’t had the motivation to read this even though EVERYONE wants to talk to me about it. I keep thinking, “I didn’t think 9 1/2 weeks was all that…” I don’t know – maybe if someone lends it to me.

  • Jen M. says:

    I made it through books one and two. Couldn’t get past the first few chapters of book three. The books were incredibly repetative. The inner goddess was beyond annoying. Christian Grey was about one bunny boiling on the stove away from having the police called on him for insane dating behavior. And for the love of God Anastasia, STOP biting your lip. I feel better having gotten that off my chest.

  • erinb says:

    Brutal. Brain cells I will never get back. Book one sucked. but then felt that I had to read book two – which was a tad better..thats not saying much. Cant bring myself to read book 3. I heard its worse than the first one. only consolation is I borrowed the books so did not spend a dime of my personal money. otherwise I would demand refund under the reasoning of SUCKED.

  • erinb says:

    PS RE: your Project Runway Post on Lifetime Moms: Now I know I can’t even sew a button or anything but seriously some of the crap these people create make me think I have a shot on this show. And “hate your a$$”….really Raul? really? Bright side: I did LOVE that blue dress…the only saving grace of this episode!!

  • Jennifer says:

    LOL. I am on vacation for a week at a beach house so I figured this would be a good time to try to read this book. OMG, is it awful! I am only about 30 pages in but I am hoping I can at least make it to the “good” parts before I fall asleep.

  • My 16 year old son told me they were reading it at school.
    I. Nearly. Died!!!

    Turns out the little bugger got a page from a friend who had photocopied it while his mother’s back was turned – I was told this after I said I was phoning to report the school to the Education board!!

    Still haven’t read it. I don’t need to read about someone elses sex, thanks.

  • Mexmom says:

    I haven’t read it, in part because I can’t get it here, but also because of all the mixed reviews on it.
    How about if I hate it as much as you do and keep on reading it, 🙂

  • Cat says:

    Christian was a whiny, creepy jerk. Didn’t find it sexy at all. The only reason he liked to be “Dom” was because he was a wimp the rest of the time. She was weak and had no self worth. Sad book all around.

  • Angie says:

    I tried reading this book on my kindle, did not get very far in the book…wasn’t interesting, I thought it was rather boring and repetitive!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

kelcey kintner