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Man, I love my twins an insane amount. But they are so needy. I don’t want to talk trash about them but these two do nothing for themselves. Absolutely nothing.

They pretty much just eat, cry and sleep which Marinka pointed out would be an awesome sequel to “Eat, Pray, Love.” I’m already working on the Eat, Cry, Sleep screenplay. I’m thinking the Olsen sisters could play the twins. I realize they may be a little old for the part but I think you’ll agree that classically trained actresses like themselves can play any part convincingly.

I’m considering Coach Taylor from “Friday Night Lights” as my love interest in the movie but he’s so dark and moody this season. Tim Riggins is a possibility but I don’t like that he’s mixed up in the illegal chop shop business and I’ve really started to grapple with the fact that he has wet hair in every scene. Is it supposed to be sweaty? Dirty? Freshly washed?  Due to these troubling questions, I’m now thinking more Bradley Cooper.

Anyway, because of our slacker twins, Rick and I have so much trouble finding time to do dumb things like open our mail, go grocery shopping, remember the diaper bag…

On Friday I took Harlowe to the cardiologist to check on her heart murmur. She has a little hole between her two heart chambers which should fix itself in the next few years. As I’m sitting in the waiting room, I realize I have no bottles with me. None. I start to sweat just trying to think of how to breast feed both of them in a public place if they start to get super hungry.  I’m not ready for this kind of performance art.

Thankfully, I get home before they get too fussy.

And the next day, Rick and I took Dylan to the doctor. Apparently giving her some recalled Motrin and shuttling her off to camp did not heal her. Turns out, she has a virus and swimmer’s ear.  So we took her to the doctor, and brought along the whole kid crew. And once again, forgot the diaper bag.  You know, it’s very hectic on this baby-go-round.

On the way home, we stopped at a fancy French bakery where the women behind the counter are super unfriendly because they are clearly superior to common folk and just as I’m ordering a cookie and croissant for my girls, breast milk leaks out of my right boob.

I don’t usually have a BP leakage problem when it comes to my breasts so this is a special treat.  I can only hope that now that milk has spurted from me in their patisserie, these women will finally give me the respect I deserve.

By the way, in case you’re confused by this entire post, here’s the recap: the twins cry a ton, Tim Riggins’ hair is super sweaty, Harlowe has a heart murmur, Dylan has a virus, Rick and I have no memory and my milk is coming out of my breast like a water fountain.

mama bird notes:

I have to thank Hokgardner for the most adorable knitted booties. She is quite a talent! The only problem is I can’t fit these booties on my feet so now I’m starting to think they are for the twins.

30 Responses to babies would be so much cooler if they’d take some responsibility for their lives

  • Ann says:

    That picture is amazing.

    This post is hilarious.

    Might want to rethink the Olsen twins. I hear they are all method, and they might want to breastfeed to get into character.

  • Momcat says:

    Haha I’ll never never forget how leaking breasts feel even though my youngest is now 14 years old. Its burned into my memory! So glad you got lots of milk though..

  • …and amidst all that chaos, you manage to look so gorgeous in that photo!
    I remember when I had my first baby and I was over at my parents’ for Easter. My boob started to leak and I panicked because my family is soooo ultra modest. My mom looked at me and said with bone-honesty, “what’s THAT?!”, to which I decided to deliver a bone-honest “DUH” look. That took care of it…and then I bought LilyPadz (heard of ’em? Awesome, reusable, non-bulky silicone anti-leakage pads.) http://www.lilypadz.com

  • traci says:

    I say forgetting the diaper bag is a small cry to forgetting a kid. That leakage is always entertaining, unless you were wearing silk.

  • My favorite was going out and realizing that I didn’t bring any diapers. That made for some interesting afternoons. I forgot about all of those trips to the pediatrician…Those first few months after George and Eleanor were born I felt like I was there 2-3 times a week for one thing or another.

  • Bob Demchick says:

    The kids are not totally irresponsible – they work diligently at giving you material for your wonderful postings.

  • Sarah says:


    I’ve been reading your blog, and wanted to offer an interview opportunity with Dr. Michele Borba (frequent Today Show parenting expert and author) this upcoming August 4th or 12th. Feel free to touch-base with me at skencel@taylorpr.com. Good luck with the new twins! They are adorable!!



  • Wendi says:

    I don’t know what’s wrong with Coach Taylor this year, either. Maybe he’s upset you’re too busy to stalk him now that you have the babies.

  • Megan says:

    When I found out that Claire had a heart murmur and a hole in her heart, just this spring, I was so worried. I didn’t know of any child who had this condition. If you have any questions or concerns you can call me (or the cardiologist)! xo

  • Missy says:

    With you on Riggins’ hair. What’s the deal? I spend every episode thinking about getting him to a salon for a trim and a blow dry.

    Anyway, have always said that babies and small children need jobs. They are so self-centered. Perhaps if they had to earn a paycheck and deal with annoying co-workers, they might have less time for the crying, eating, pooping and sleeping.

  • I’m hoping that your boobs aimed themselves right at those snooty bakery gals (who were obviously hatched and thus can be all peck-peck-peck about us mammals). Perhaps it was thinking about Tim Riggins’ hair that caused said spouting? You might remember that moment in The English Patient when the Sikh (before he was Saeed on Lost) is washing, with his turban off, and he flings back all those long curly damp locks…oh my goodness gracious…if I had been a nursing mom at that moment, I would’ve ruined my shirt. Remember, as long as the kids are all alive, you’re doing a fab job. The bar doesn’t get set any higher until they’re at least 15.

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    Don’t you feel terribly guilty about not believing Dylan was REALLY SICK? Hire that full time Nanny….even for a few months and make believe you’re Rose Kennedy raising the next generation of STARS.

  • Lisa says:

    Maybe you could have a secondary emergency diaper bag that you keep in the car at all times with a couple of extra diapers and some formula mix? Just an idea…

  • Don’t take it personally–all women behind counters in French bakeries are super unfriendly. It wasn’t your leaky boob.

    I cannot tell you how many times I forgot the diaper bag and had to bum a diaper, wipe, or boob from someone else. And I only had one kid at a time.

  • Betsy says:

    The twins may not be old enough to work, but the other 2 are. Mine has her 3 standard questions she asks before we leave the house. Mommy, do you have your purse, keys and phone? Train each of the older 2 to remind you of 3 things each.

  • Lindsay Lebresco says:

    It sounds insane & truly difficult to handle but as always, you swoop in with a great sense of humor to deal with it all! (Mark Walberg as love interest- you can’t go wrong)

  • Audra says:

    Performance art made me LOL. Fear of leaking kept me in the house until I understood my nursing breasts a little better. Well, that and swine flu fear for my little one. Ha.

  • johanna says:

    you keep me laughing! Tim’s weird wet hair is def. interesting as I think its making him so serious this season.

  • Oh my goodness! an amazing article dude. Thank you However I’m experiencing issue with r rss or atom . Don’t know why Not able to subscribe to it. Can there be anybody getting identical rss problem? Anybody who knows generously react. Thnkx

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kelcey kintner