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Last week, I had my most successful moment as a parent. I was dropping Dylan off at school and as I handed her her backpack, I immediately knew something was amiss.

I could tell the weight of the backpack was about 11 ounces off. I looked inside and quickly realized that she didn’t have her water bottle. I handed over mine (because I’m extremely selfless and now of course, dehydrated) and sent her off to school.

Wow. Did anyone see that?! I just kicked some mom ass. And as a bonus, I’m now making some extra income guessing weights at local carnivals.

So you would think that she would immediately repay the favor by sculpting a ceramic World’s Most Awesome and Beautiful Mom trophy or leaning over to me after her dinner with a quick, “Mom, I’ve got the dishes tonight and I’ll put the twins to bed. You relax. I just poured you a frosty glass of Chardonnay.”

Can a wine glass be frosty? I’m not sure. But not the point here.

The point is there was no trophy. Or grand gestures. In fact, she and my other kiddos let me hang out for about two hours on Sunday morning (which included a walk to the coffee shop) looking like this…


What is up with the leftover eye makeup from the night before? And NONE of my kids mentioned this?!

I’m going to give the twins, who are only 19-months-old, a pass since they only know a few words and they definitely don’t know how to say, “There’s some weird crap under your eye.” Although I’m being very nice because Harlowe can say, “mama” and “look” which really would have been sufficient.

But Dylan and Summer? Come on. There is really no excuse.

Then I took a nap later in the morning and woke up with some fabulous cheek creases….

Which lasted about three hours.

P.S. If you’ve enjoyed these glamour shots, stay tuned til next week when I post pictures of myself wearing a night guard in high school!

mama bird notes:

Thank you to Kiddicare for sponsoring this post!

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Check me out at The Mouthy Housewives today where I’m giving advice to a woman who is expecting her first child and admits she might be a little crazy. Find out why.

31 Responses to apparently i look really bad in the mornings

  • Sarah says:

    I can’t believe none of the baristas (baristi? baristae?) gently took you aside and made a little “wiping” motion…cows.

    And as a 47 year old, I advise you to learn to sleep on your back now, seriously, those creases only last longer. And MAC “Fluidline” liner in “macroviolet” or “dipdown,” “blitz & glitz” for nighttime. Your new best friend eyeliner, apply with tiny, pointy brush.


  • Aww they love you just the way you are.

    Aren’t the cheek creases fun! My almost 7 year old has invented this new game of pinching up skin from my hand and seeing how long it stays up. Good times.

  • Steph says:

    is it sad that your “bad” pix make me jealous? anyway, enjoy their acceptance of your appearance while it lasts. my 13-year old lets me know when she thinks I am not up to par so as not to embarass her in public. “Mom, you really aren’t going to wear that outfit, are you??!”

  • franny says:

    Be glad the creases left!!! I had to fill my with fat to get them gone!!!! (and I don’t mean with a ‘procedure’). Love is blind.. don’t wait for anyone in your house to help you out there!

  • Laura says:

    Ooohhhh thank you Kelcey, I’m still smiling after such a great laugh. I’m laughing WITH YOU not at you! I only have 3 kids but boy have I been there with the eye make-up from last night!

    It just shows your priorities are right!

  • Angi says:

    At least it’s just makeup. Last time I looked like that, it was a bruise… From one of my gracefully – challenged episodes.

  • hokgardner says:

    I once spent an entire date with makeup smeared under BOTH eyes. I looked fine when I left the house, so I smeared it in the car on the way to restaurant. NO ONE at the restaurant signaled to me that something was amiss, not even the nice waitress. The guy was chivalrous enough not to say a word, but he never asked me out again.

  • MN Mama says:

    I think it is sweet that the girls did not say anything. My girls tend to point out all my flaws in the morning and any other time of day.

  • sherrivf says:

    So, when I dropped my three year old off at preschool this morning, her teacher’s eyes lingered a little bit longer than normal on my face as she smiled and handed me the check in sheet.

    I kept being horrified by my reflection all day. Hated my hair, then I took a good look and realized that I didn’t have any make-up on. I don’t wear a lot, but I do wear it so that I don’t loathe my reflection all day. Who knew that no make-up would in turn equal a bad hair day!

  • Dorothy says:

    I commend you on your lack of vanity! LOL. I look at myself in the mirror every day with those black eyes…and no, I still don’t clean that mascara off before bed even at my advanced age…and I wouldn’t want to be sharing my “ugly” pictures. Not that yours are ugly, by the way. So, Bravo! That means you really like yourself no matter what! Thanks for sharing the silliness.
    As for those creases, sigh. I am a side sleeper, and never knew until this year (age 55) that it gives you wrinkles that with time don’t leave, dang it. I would have changed my sleeping habits somehow if I had known! And if you favor one side to the other, hmmm, that side doesn’t match the unlined side. Double sigh.
    So yeah, enjoy the fact that the children didn’t notice or care that mom had a black eye. I think it’s sweet. My grandkids tell me lovingly how many wrinkles I have. Gotta love ’em, right? Right?
    PS. Love your freckles, they look like mine!

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kelcey kintner