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By Contributing Mama Erin K. Butler

I have always wanted kids. Two. Maybe three, but definitely at least two.

That is until I had one.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have a loving, beautiful, smart, and sweet little girl. I think that’s part of the problem.

Katherine is at a fun age where she has just started walking and is curious about everything around her. She understands what we say to her, she reacts to what we do and she has a smile that makes my heart melt. This child of mine is so wonderful that I can’t imagine altering the family that we have.

It’s not that I haven’t thought about it. And apparently, so has everyone else.

A couple weeks ago, at her first birthday party, the cake wasn’t even cut when I heard:

“So, when’s the next one?”

The next one?

The next cut from Project Runway? The next new episode of “Gossip Girls?” The next Weight Watchers meeting? But before I started spouting off the fall TV line up or how I have been starving all week to save up enough points for this birthday party… I got it.

The next baby.

It’s hard to answer that question when I feel that she is still my baby. Even though that baby has somehow transformed into a little girl.  Where was I when that happened?

Right now, it’s just her and me, day in and day out, and it’s so easy. Another child also means sharing my time with Katherine and I don’t know if I am ready for that.  Another child in the mix will make life less carefree.

With one child I can still run errands at my leisure, make plans with friends, maneuver around one nap time and still manage to get a decent night sleep most nights. The idea of round the clock nursing, severe sleep deprivation and overall exhaustion again is terrifying.

Yes, I know billions of women do it everyday and I have never heard anyone say “Boy I wish I never had this second child”. Ok, I actually did hear that once, but she was really sleep deprived.

And I remember those rough first few weeks after she was born. Ever hear of colic? Yeah, we had a touch of that… every evening for about 6 hours. Is there a polite way to say I wanted to throw myself in front of a bus?

I swore I would never go through that again. I remember whispering to Katherine in the wee hours of the night that I hoped she enjoyed life as an only child.

However, my sister Johanna is one of my very best friends, my lifeline and I don’t know how I would live without her. I would hate to deprive Katherine of a sibling because I feared endless hours of crying and constant interrupted sleep.

But probably one of my strongest motivations to even consider baby #2 is the joy on Katherine’s face when she is around her cousin Kyleigh, my sister’s daughter, who is just 8 months older than her. They have a mutual love and admiration for one another so intense that they can’t stop hugging each other when they get together.

I know a sibling would be good for her…and for us too. To have another child make us feel as incredible as Katherine does would indeed be a gift. And deep down, as scary as it sometimes is to even consider another, I have moments when I feel our family is not yet complete.

And maybe I will never really be “ready,” but I am getting there. Even six months ago the answer to that nagging “next baby” question was a flat out no. And now…?

I’ve progressed from a definite no to a definite… maybe.

Maybe baby.

10 Responses to maybe baby

  • JBC says:

    It’s the strangest question “When’s the next baby coming?” It’s like people are asking me “Are you ovulating and having sex?” None of your business!! I just reply now that Katherine is my 2nd since Ky and I love her like our own so that cools people to back off! Nanny E would be very busy with 3 🙂

  • Robyn says:

    Cut yourself some slack — you’re finally getting to the “good” part of having kids. Your daughter is beautiful, fun, sleeping at night, etc. No wonder you don’t want to disrupt the equation just yet. Chances are, you’ll have stronger feelings one way or the other by the time she turns two.

  • Mary says:

    Enjoy every moment now…..what’s the rush?? Katherine will love her sibling no matter what the age difference!! Jameson can be her pretend brother….no siblings here until we get out of the blood curdling screaming just for the fun of it phase!! I have to agree with Jenny too….I am sooo not ready to be prego again forget have another newborn!

  • Marissa says:

    Gosh, I was scared to death having a second child four years after the first. You kind of remember all the annoying things like sleepless nights and not showering or getting dressed before 12 noon. There’s nothing like having a sibling though. I recommend waiting a bit before having another. My daughter is so independent because she had those 4 years on her own to spend with James and I. She learned to share and play by herself at such an early age. Plus, she was out of diapers and the best mommy’s little helper you could find!

  • Renee says:

    Yeah, I’ve been hearing that often lately. Emery will be 1 in 2 weeks. I feel like we finally have a decent routine. Who wants to give that up? However, after scrapping newborn pictures a few weeks ago, I’m thinking more and more about another one. There is nothing like a sibling. Thanks for another great post. 🙂

  • Delilah says:

    Oh boy, how the heck did you get right in my head. Everything you wrote embodies everything I’ve been thinking lately, except that I have no choice because #2 is on the way.
    I am simply terrified of sharing myself with another baby other than my daughter. She is 19 months and completely attached to me. I also think a sibling would be great, and look forward to meeting my new baby.
    I still can’t believe it when I look down at my ever expanding belly. LOL. I’m still coming to terms and meanwhile soaking up as much me and Audrey (my daughter) time as possible.

  • I am right there with you sister and I have moved from Flat out no, I would kill my self if I got pregnant to yea, I wouldnt actually kill myself to ok, maybe I am ready. Let us know when you are totally ready..maybe it will get me there too! Thanks for the post! Now I know I am not the only one. 🙂

  • Helen says:

    I have three and its hard!
    Going to the shop is a big mission and I do sometimes struggle to find that one on one time for them all. But when I see them all playing together it makes it all worth it. And they are all the loves of my life – I guess I’m just better at the juggling act than I used to be.
    Go for it – you won’t regret it!

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