My husband and I were discussing just how much we’ve learned in past week. Because I don’t want you to think we’re all uppity and smarter than you, I’m going to share all these important life lessons. Once you’ve read this, you can pretty much tell people you now have a master’s degree.
1. If you mistakenly throw your children’s swim goggles into the washing machine, they will be ok.
2. If you mistakenly throw your children’s swim goggles into the dryer, they will definitely not be ok. Especially if you let them “dry” for 70 minutes.
3. Once the IRS audits you, you will be audited frequently. At this point, Rick and I may have to stop putting down Ketel One Vodka as a work deduction.
4. It can cost a lot to park in New York City, especially if you hit other cars while parking.
5. In order to avoid almost burning your house down, you could occasionally clean out the drip tray under your grill. But it might just be easier to get a pet raccoon who will do it for you. Thanks to Liesl on the raccoon idea. Sounds much easier than actual cleaning.
6. No matter how many people you ask, no one understands how teen sensation Justin Bieber’s hair manages to perfectly sweep forward yet stills move gracefully when he shakes his head.
7. If you go to Ikea, you will spend two hours trying to look at furniture while your children hide in wardrobes and bounce on the beds. It will finally occur to you that they have a child drop-off service. You will bring them down there, get them completely stoked about the ball pit only to find out that the play area closed 5 minutes earlier.
8. If you watch the current season of “Dancing with the Stars” on mute, it’s very very hard to identify the “celebrities” from the professional dancers.
9. If you are 28 weeks pregnant and you sit on a swing, you will probably fall off (even if the swing is not really moving). It will not be that easy to get up. Everyone watching you will think this is very funny. You might not.
10. The automatic sliding doors on minivans are sort of awesome.