At this point in October, I think many of us are suffering from pre-election anxiety disorder.
I haven’t found it on WebMd or anything but as far as I can tell, these are the signs…
You constantly check polls and a fraction of a point in the wrong direction overwhelms you with a deep, gnawing feeling of dread.
You find yourself watching extra loud, ultra annoying TV pundits when you have a perfectly good “Gossip Girl” saved on your DVR.
You spend hours obsessively wondering how anyone could support the other side and spend the rest of your time wondering how you will possibly endure the next four years if the opposing ticket wins.
Ok, so I’m not an actual doctor. But I don’t need a fancy shmancy medical degree to diagnose this disorder. I’m living it.
So here’s my plan for coping…
1. My new meditation mantra is, “There’s only 2 weeks left.” We can all conjure up some horrible time in our life that lasted way longer than two weeks. So c’mon! We’re not wimps. We can make it through the final stretch.
2. Begin meditation practice so I can use my new mantra.
3. Realize I don’t have time to meditate because that would leave me no time to check polls and watch TV news shows and curse the ridiculously biased NY Post.
4. Try to use diversion tactics like focusing on the Wolfman.
Who’s the Wolfman? Well, he’s this guy in England who lives with wolves. 44 year-old Shaun Ellis is so close to these animals that it’s apparently no big thang to “exchange playful tongue kisses with them.”
Now I’m sure you will be just stunned to learn that his wife dumped him (who wants to compete with a pack of wolves?). But unbelievably, he’s found himself a new girl – which just goes to show that even the dirtiest, lamest guys can find a girlfriend. Why is that?!
This girlfriend, now fiancée, had to eat incredible amounts of meat so the wolves would smell her, know she’s a carnivore and then accept her as a member of the pack. I swear. True story. You can see it all on Animal Planet.
And I don’t know about you but I haven’t thought about McCain or Obama in at least 30 seconds.
It’s at least a start.
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