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At this point in October, I think many of us are suffering from pre-election anxiety disorder.

I haven’t found it on WebMd or anything but as far as I can tell, these are the signs…

You constantly check polls and a fraction of a point in the wrong direction overwhelms you with a deep, gnawing feeling of dread.

You find yourself watching extra loud, ultra annoying TV pundits when you have a perfectly good “Gossip Girl” saved on your DVR.

You spend hours obsessively wondering how anyone could support the other side and spend the rest of your time wondering how you will possibly endure the next four years if the opposing ticket wins.

Ok, so I’m not an actual doctor.  But I don’t need a fancy shmancy medical degree to diagnose this disorder. I’m living it.

So here’s my plan for coping…

1. My new meditation mantra is, “There’s only 2 weeks left.” We can all conjure up some horrible time in our life that lasted way longer than two weeks. So c’mon! We’re not wimps. We can make it through the final stretch.

2. Begin meditation practice so I can use my new mantra.

3. Realize I don’t have time to meditate because that would leave me no time to check polls and watch TV news shows and curse the ridiculously biased NY Post.

4. Try to use diversion tactics like focusing on the Wolfman.

Who’s the Wolfman? Well, he’s this guy in England who lives with wolves. 44 year-old Shaun Ellis is so close to these animals that it’s apparently no big thang to “exchange playful tongue kisses with them.”

Now I’m sure you will be just stunned to learn that his wife dumped him (who wants to compete with a pack of wolves?).  But unbelievably, he’s found himself a new girl – which just goes to show that even the dirtiest, lamest guys can find a girlfriend. Why is that?!

This girlfriend, now fiancée, had to eat incredible amounts of meat so the wolves would smell her, know she’s a carnivore and then accept her as a member of the pack. I swear. True story. You can see it all on Animal Planet.

And I don’t know about you but I haven’t thought about McCain or Obama in at least 30 seconds.

It’s at least a start.

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39 Responses to you have election anxiety and i have the cure.

  • Rhea says:

    Ok, I’m totally intrigued by the wolfguy. Must find out more about this dude.

    My older son informed me that the fattest guy in the world got married this week…so there’s hope for everyone. Even wolfmen.

  • Robyn says:

    Primetime did a special on that guy this summer — it was…interesting.

    Thank you, dr. I am quite sure that I have election anxiety. I didn’t even know who Rachel Maddow was before the campaign and now I can’t stop watching her!!

  • Robin says:

    Doctor, thank you!! You’ve found my diagnosis, and even cured me with the wolf man. Now I’m off to CNN.com. Oh, shit, I’m resistant to the medication.

  • wa says:

    My 7 year-old son just told me that the kids in the lunchroom are talking about who their parents are voting for, so the mania has even reached that level. But at least now I know which parents are voting for my guy.

  • Diane says:

    Will that serum do something about these dang lines that keep popping up around my eyes? Or the two new canals that have formed on my forehead due to my concerned ‘what is wrong with our country’s leadership!’ look? Hope so – count me in!

  • myhouseof6 says:

    you said it sister.
    wa- my kids are doing the same thing, now i know who likes who.
    sad thing is, she said one of her little friends said her daddy is voting for obama just because he is black. i don’t know about you, but i smell some racism going on.
    sad sad sad.

  • celticbuffy says:

    Hmmm. This might be my daughter’s kind of guy as she’s a total carnivore! LOL. (this from a vegetarian mom)

    Seriously? If my presidential choice doesn’t win I may just have to move to Canada for the next four years. 🙂

  • Portia says:

    Well I just had a pro-McCain friend send me this pro-choice video…this is starting to challenge my friendships. Brutal stuff this election.

  • Thomas says:

    Hey, who knew this wolfman guy was so IN. I too watched him and his woman and the pack last night, and it WAS hard to stop watching.
    And, dear myhouseof6, all of us, whichever side we favor, should hope that those folks who plan to vote for Obama simply because he is black exactly offset those folks who plan to vote against him simply because he is black. Fools offsetting fools, shall we say?

  • Allison T. says:

    All I can say is “multi-task”. I managed to watch Greek AND stayed up to catch a rerun (but new to me) of Bill Clinton on Letterman. After Dave totally jumped all over McCain last week, I’m glued to his show. I totally *heart* Letterman for this reason.

  • mackbeth says:

    I do worry about a few people in my world who just may not survive the next 13 days without some anti-anxiety medication. hasn’t america already decided according to the polls??? I almost re-gurged thinking of wolfman’s girl eating all kinds of meat to get ready to meet the gang. That is nasty! I would rather watch Keith Olberman yell and scream until 10 pm.

  • myhouseof6 says:

    portia that friend must really care about you to try and help you see the light. 🙂
    thomas i agree, stupidity on both sides, but i think it is at a definite republican disadvantage, i mean, they can’t even bring up jerimiah wright for fear of being racist when it is a valid point.

  • Quinn says:

    If you dig the Wolfman, you should check out the Bearman. He lived with bears every summer in Alaska. Eventually, he was even eaten by one. Seriously, he was and it all got caught on video.

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    Living with wolves might be a step-up from my having to live across the street from the neighborhood junkyard for over 30 years and watching it grow; till it’s now on my side of the street. Yes, I live across the street from the local Hoarder (uncurable brain disorder) and YES, he too has a wife living with him in this mess (inside and outside). Give me a pack of wolves anytime.

  • Don’t think about elephants. No seriously, don’t think about them. Impossible. Well, I must say, your wolfman story came as close as anything to breaking the cycle of election day insanity that has taken over my life. I pray it doesn’t end in crippling post-election day depression.

  • stephanie says:

    I get sick to my stomach when I think about how this could all end. I’ve never had this level of anxiety during an election year and I will be happy when it is all over! However, shopping always helps…maybe the RNC could throw a little bit my way!!!

  • Thanks, absolutely did the trick! You are right, my election anxiety is at an all time high. But you missed the most advanced stage of this dreaded disease: ignoring all news by way of getting rid of the endless knots in your stomach and late night dire-ness. That’s where I am. Sad.

  • Pearl says:

    My tactic for dealing: vote early and pretend the election is already over. In CA anyone can register as an absentee voter (not sure if you can in all states?) so I did this years ago. Helps me keep my lazy butt involved in every election, plus I can vote with my vagina in the privacy of my own home. Uhhhhh, I really hope anyone reading this knows what that vagina reference is about.

  • Lanie says:

    Have you read “Duck for President” by Doreen Cronin? Not sure that it is quite as distracting as the Wolfman but it might do the trick for a little while. . .:-)

  • Melisa says:

    I’ve seen this Wolf Guy…and you are right, you get sucked and don’t think about the election at all!

    I do have the condition…10 days…I don’t know if I can take it!

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kelcey kintner