At the NICU, there are two private rooms where you can pump milk.
One of the rooms can accommodate two people but this means the awkward task of tapping on the privacy glass and asking if the other mother minds if you join her.
Not my favorite thing to do. But I also can’t stand there for 20 minutes with my c-section pain and wait for an empty room so I always take the plunge.
So today I knocked.
“Hi. Sorry to bother you. But are you in there alone? Would you mind if I came in and pumped with you?” I asked.
“Sure. Come on in.”
“Umm… could I also bring my 5 year-old and 3 year-old in with me?”
“What did she say?” 5 year-old Dylan asks.
“Nothing yet,” I respond.
“We may have to wait,” I explain to Summer and Dylan.
“Are they both girls?” the other mother finally asks.
“Yes, they are both girls and they are very well behaved.” (I mean, they were both just spinning in chairs in the NICU, almost knocking into the incubators and the nurses but I’m sure that was just an anomaly.)
“Ok,” she says reluctantly.
Turns out, Dylan and Summer were quite good. In fact, the mother was very impressed with how they help me set up the pumping equipment with great skill and ease. And since the girls use those sanitizing machines about 40 times each at the hospital, I don’t have to worry about germs.
This mother, along with most of the people in the NICU, can not believe we now have four kids.
They stare and us and say, “Those are all yours?”
But the truth is, even with all the pain and the guilt and the stress right now, I just feel lucky.
Because it’s what I’ve always wanted.
mama bird notes:
Thank you all for making me feel completely normal for my feelings of guilt during this time when I’m torn between my big girls and the twins. Your comments really helped me enormously. And my boobs are much better. I knew you wanted to know but were afraid to ask.