Hey, it’s 3 1/2 year old Chase! Sorry I haven’t been blogging but if you ask me, blogs are so OVER. Don’t tell my mom though because she’s obsessed with it.
I had a great weekend. I mean, not as good as my dad because he was in Miami at The Fontainebleau. Whatever. I’d be partying at hotspot Liv too if my bedtime wasn’t 7:30 pm.
Anyway, I had been complaining to my mom about an earache for days. Honestly, it didn’t hurt at all but my little brother Cash had gotten this pink medicine for his and well, I obviously wanted a piece of that action.
By Saturday, my mom looked truly worried and dragged all 5 of us to the pediatrician so I could see a doctor. I pulled on my ear a few times just to keep the whole story legit.
Then we had to wait an hour and a half. I thought my mom’s head was going to explode. I wasn’t bored at all. They had a whole box of those doctors’ gloves and that can pretty much keep me entertained for about 3 days.
Finally, the doctor came in and instead of confirming my story, the lady tells my mom, “He’s perfectly healthy!”
WTF lady doctor?! She totally denied me my pink medicine and my mom turned to me and said, “Chase – does your ear REALLY hurt?”
“No,” I admitted because the whole charade was pointless if I wasn’t getting the goods.
There was a big sigh from my mom who started ranting about how I was going to pay her back the $25 co-pay. You know mom, it’s illegal for preschoolers to work.
Then we headed to Boca to hang out with my grandparents for the day. By the time we got home, my mom seemed a little exhausted and edgy.
She tucked all of us kids into bed and that’s when she realized she didn’t have any wine in the house.
Gasp! (My mom told me to write that. In fact, I’m letting her take over this blog post because at this point in the evening I went to sleep and I don’t care about wine anyway. Now if this was about pumpkin muffins, I’d be all over it. Okay, mom tell the sad, sad story….)
So I tucked all the kids into bed and that’s when I realized there was no wine in the house.
How can a house have 3 jars of capers and not one bottle of wine?!
I texted a neighbor… “Are you home?”
“On a bus coming back from Tampa. What’s wrong?” she responded.
“Nothing except I just took care of 5 kids all day and there is no wine in the house.”
She immediately understood the gravity of the situation. She gave me her garage code and told me there was wine in her fridge.
Except I couldn’t go in there.
Because a day or so before, she had found two baby snakes hiding out in her garage.
And when it comes to things I dislike, snakes are way way way at the top of the list. I texted my sister about the dilemma.
She wrote back…
“Man up. Put on your rain boots and make a lot of noise and turn on the lights. The snakes will stay clear if they are even in there. It’s worth it.”
I did not man up. Not at all. My fear of snakes overpowered any desire for a glass of wine. But the next day, my neighbor delivered this…
Just so you understand the size of this thing, let me show it to you next to a normal size bottle of wine.
It seems more like a weapon than a beverage.
But now I’m prepared in case of any future emergencies.