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My current (and last! For real!!) pregnancy has sparked some questions from my 7-year-old nephew about how babies actually get into a mommy’s belly.

I remember my 8-year-old daughter Dylan asking me that very question a few years ago.

And I told her it was the love between a husband and wife that created the baby. Of course, we all know that’s a lie. It’s obviously too many Patrón shots that makes a baby. Thankfully, she didn’t ask any follow up questions so I didn’t have to go into the tequila part.

And this pregnancy, she hasn’t mentioned it. At least not yet. But I’m wondering if it’s time for me to bring it up.

I’m not sure exactly when you are supposed to tell a kid about sex. I’m guessing it’s sometime after they are born but before they are having it. Although that’s sort of a big window.

I’ve heard you are supposed to do it in small steps. One website recommends…

“The ‘big talk’ is a thing of the past. Learning about sex should not occur in one all-or-nothing session. It should be more of an unfolding process, one in which kids learn, over time, what they need to know. Questions should be answered as they arise so that kids’ natural curiosity is satisfied as they mature.”

That sounds very nice but really, there’s no small step between we were having a REALLY good time at the bar and then daddy put his manly part into mommy’s – OMG.

I don’t remember how I found out about sex. I think it very much had to do with a copy of  “The Joy of Sex” lying around my mom and step-father’s house.  You can not leaf through that piece of literature without realizing that the stork is definitely not showing up. Those drawings really clarified a few things.

And I remember my mom reading me the book, “Where Did I Come From?” by Peter Mayle. So I ordered it and another one by Robie Harris.  Although I’m not sure I trust a guy named Robby who spells it with one “b.” (My heart will always belong to Robby Benson of “Ice Castles.”) But we’ll see.

Or of course my fallback plan is that my nephew (who was recently given the lowdown on the whole thing thanks to one of these books) can explain the deal to my older girls at our Hanukkah party in a couple weeks.

Because nothing says Happy Hanukkah like a sex talk from a 7-year-old.

22 Responses to when is it time to talk to your kids about sex?

  • Tara says:

    It’s always so much easier ( and more informative) when the kids teach each other! Definitely go that route!
    Congrats on #5! Wow 🙂

  • daphne says:

    Take them to a farm — that answered (ok, brought up) loads of questions for us! This weekend’s question — what’s a condom? And what’s it got to do with ketchup — the kids at school say it’s short for condiments.

  • Sandrine says:

    Congrats on the pregnancy! I love big families, I wish I could do it! You are a super mom and a great woman, your children are so lucky. xoxo

  • Princess Judy says:

    Listening to my friend (mom of a teen) maybe kids shouldn’t teach kids as they kind of have a lot of misinformation. Some of the biggest is that oral sex doesn’t count, you can borrow friend’s birth control pills, and using the backdoor keeps a girl a virgin.

    My kids are cats and spayed. We have had the talk about the inappropriateness of licking your privates during dinner though.

    Oh, and I’m still waiting for the talk too AND I’m still waiting to be thrilled about menstruation. I remember being told it was a thrilling and special time. I think I was told I’d outgrow my asthma and carsickness too. So many lies!

  • Corey says:

    My then-8-year-old daughter kept asking me what sex was at times when I couldn’t give a good explanation: in Target, on the way to school, etc. So one day when I was trying to catch up on movies I’d missed, she happened into the room. The movies? Love, Actually (she walked in during the porn stars lighting check scene) and Sideways (I flipped to this one just in time for the motel standing-up-sex scene). So I turned off the TV and opened with, “Remember when you asked me what sex is?” Her follow-up questions: “So that’s how you and daddy got me?” “Where do you and daddy do that?” Quick conversation ender.

  • Stephanie says:

    Read this book http://parentingsafechildren.com/ No I am not promoting this website. I just simply took her class a few years ago. She explains how to explain sex to a young child so that it is not gross, weird, or embarrassing. Children who have been talked to about sex are the most likely to speak up if molested, than those whose parents were afraid of talking to them about it. Would you let another kid who has never drove teach your child to drive?

  • Nicole says:

    Three cheers for Joy of Sex and Where did I come from? (and What’s happening to me?) My son read through that Where did I come from? book around 9, and was totally grossed out. I then wimped out and told him how he was actually made, in a little glass dish via IVF. He was so relieved, and makes fun of his brother who was made the other way. Good luck to ya. As much as I don’t want 5 kids, I would really have loved another one and am so happy for you.

  • frankasen says:

    I completely and totally took the route of my best friends B and I. B said one of their sons asked on a road trip with everyone in the car and B casually said, “Daddy puts his P in Mommy’s V and plants a seed that grows into a baby.” Rick said “oh”. Stevie said “gross” and I think Kim was playing with a doll or something. B assured Steve that it won’t seem gross when he’s older. End of story. And to me it was surprisingly painless and efficient. Questions will arise later, but the initial foray is like ripping off a band-aid. I can’t recommend this enough! You have perfect sources right in your family! Good luck!!

  • BestofSeven says:

    You may be surprised by what they know already. I was quite surprised that the explanation my son was given by his friends in 3rd grade was pretty accurate. Of course, these are the same boys that told him that if you get married in France you have to French kiss your wife at the wedding, so some follow-up conversations are definitely in order.

  • Scc6a says:

    I apparently had “the talk” when I was younger than Dylan, though I don’t remember it. My parents like to remind me, however, about my response to it. They explained the whole….deal… And I said, “So you guys had sex because you have me and my sister.” (Ew) And my parents said yes. Then I said, “And Nana had sex because she had dad.” And they said yes. And then I said, “And Grandma had sex because she had mom. But she’s so old, she probably forgot how.” Yup, Grandma was thrilled to hear that one…haha! I think you’re safe telling Dylan anytime, though, I’m pretty sure my first sex ed class was in fourth grade and she’s not TOO far away from that! (I know, I shouldn’t remind you…)

  • Heather says:

    Yeesh! My 4-year old has been asking! I’m failing miserably, and according to my husband, and giving way to much info. I get trapped! “But why mom?” I actually feel lucky having had a c-section because when he asks “how he got out of my tummy” I can say the dr. cut him out!

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kelcey kintner