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It’s hard to fathom that there was a time when I had one kid.

When Dylan was an infant, I remember changing her diaper (dry or not) every two hours all night long.  There’s probably a special landfill with her name on it.

When Dylan was a toddler, I would go to yoga class very early in the morning but I couldn’t bear to leave the apartment without checking on her. So I would creep into her room ever so quietly, put my hand on her back and then without fail, accidentally wake her up.

She would start to stir and I would fly out of the room. I’d hear her wails as I fled to the elevator, just praying that my husband would think she woke up on her own.

Sorry Rick. It was me. Every single time.

Hey new moms, if you get the chance to go to yoga alone, crawl quietly by the baby’s room like a Navy Seal and get out of the house. Your kid is fine. You’ll see him when you get home.

And I remember I had this mom’s playgroup and we would talk about really important stuff while our kids rolled around on the floor.

Like pacifiers.

We once spent an entire hour and a half discussing pacifiers.   We labored over the right age to take away the pacifier. And intensely discussed how to gradually and lovingly reduce your child’s dependence on them. One mom talked about how she had 14 pacifiers in her son’s crib so that he had the best chance of finding one in the middle of the night without bothering her. This discussion went on for 90 minutes.

That time is gone people. I can’t get it back.

You know how I took Chase and Harlowe’s pacifiers away? I just gave them the pacifiers less and less often until one day, I just threw them all in the trash. See, that only took me five seconds to tell you. Now you can spend 89 minutes and 55 seconds napping.

And I barely let my first Dylan watch a minute of TV before she turned 2. I let my second kid Summer watch “The L Word” as a baby when I nursed her in the middle of the night. And I don’t think it aired on Nick Jr.

There is a big difference between being a first time mom and a second time mom. Luvs (who is sponsoring this post) has some very funny videos on this topic. The breastfeeding one is my fave but they are all dead on.

Some other witty moms are talking bout their 1st kid/2nd kid moments today. Check them out at Ann’s Rants, Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva, Snarky Mommy, The Laughing Stork and Robin’s Chicks.

And please share with me anything ridiculous things you did as a first time mom. Please. It will make me feel better.

15 Responses to when i was a mom of one

  • Leigh Ann says:

    I did not let the twins have 1 single bite of cake before their 1st birthday. Why? I have no idea. I was a nap/schedule nazi, which I needed then, but is totally coming back to bite me as I see how intolerant and inflexible they are, even though they don’t nap anymore. I’m sure there’s much, much more. My 3rd lives on milk and nutella and gets away with anything. But she’s a champ when we’re running out and about all day.

  • Leslie says:

    With my first baby I washed all of her clothes separately with Dreft. For a year. With my second baby I washed her clothes in normal detergent. With the dog bed.

  • I was so sleepy with my 1st child (what did I know? Sleepiness is 3 kids, 3 years and younger!) that I would totally space out while breast feeding. I was manic about keeping track of which side I started on, how long my daughter nursed and how many wet/dirty diapers she had as a result, that I kept a spreadsheet of it all. Yes. I fired up my PC and geeked out over columns and rows and cells. Left side 3:42 a.m. – 4:01 a.m. Right side: 4:02 a.m. – 4:11 a.m. 1 poop. And on and on and on. I even thought this so awesome and perfect-momminess of me that I saved that super-cool file to my desktop for easy access so that I could, with a whisk of the mouse, send it effortlessly to other moms so that they too could benefit from my MS Windows ’04 genius.
    By my 3rd child I just let her nurse until she overflowed with milk and the poops came and went without much fanfare. (Oh, and we had upgraded to a Mac, and excel doesn’t jive as well outside the PC world.)

  • Mexmom says:

    I used dreft until he was a toddler, no candy and of course no TV until he was 2.
    The most ridiculust thing I did was take my own food when traveling, since we went to Mexico several times he wouldn’t eat anything I did not bring with me, I even have a whole suitcase with snacks and containers of food.
    And I even boiled bottle water… why? not quite sure yet 🙂

  • Corey says:

    With my first, I posed her in cute outfits almost every day to take a picture. Now the kids dress up the stuffed animals in #3’s cutest outfits.
    One day when my maternity leave for #1 was almost over, she was wearing the very cutest taupe cable stitched Baby Gap cardigan and pants with matching hat and booties, and we had about 5 errands to run. When I got to the dry cleaner, I realized she had just one of the booties. I retraced my route to all of the other stops I had made looking for that damn bootie and never found it. For months, every time I was at the post office, I would check the parking space I was in that day to make sure the dropped bootie wasn’t just sitting there waiting for me to find it.

  • Laurie says:

    My first is 33 yrs. old and turned out to be a wonderful adult despite the “uber-parenting” he had to endure. I could have REALLY used your website, Kelsey, and the others you mentioned (have to add “Crappy Pictures” to the list) when my children were growing up when I felt I was the only one who was a terrible parent, and chuckle a little as I read about a crib of pacifiers, lost booties, etc., because, as I’m sure you and your readers already realize, they become the sweet memories. And if anyone feels they need to “make up” for any perceived bad parenting, READ to or with your child as often as possible. It’s the next best thing to hugs and kisses.

  • Joanna says:

    I matched my son’s pacifiers to his outfits, I too was a total sleep/nap nazi, and was so crazy about what he ate… I didn’t allow him sugar until he was two, granted his Grandma’s snuck him some, they wouldn’t dare do it anywhere near me. Oh and TV was not allowed around his precious mind, oh and he couldn’t have any toys that were electronic (a friend told me they were linked to ADD).
    My daughter is lucky if I actually grabbed her a paci let alone matched it to her outfit, I’m pretty strict about bedtime but that’s only because I need the time to get my son to bed, lunches made, and dishes done. And yeah, she eats whatever within reason, and TV is pretty much a daily staple. And don’t even ask how many toys they both have that have lights and bells and whistles (and I’m proud to say neither appear to have ADD).
    And I think I ruined my son with all my OCD, he can’t stand un-matching jammies, he is so particular about what he wears that basically all Grandma’s no longer get him clothes, actually he is paticular about EVERYTHING!
    Oh vey.
    Oh and I did the whole spreadsheet thing too! 🙂

  • Our announcement of boy/girl for number one was a ultrasound video that my husband put together with The Beatles’ “Beautiful Boy”. We were so proud of that video, we thought it totally encapsulated what awesome parents we would be. With my second one, it was just a facebook status update. Sorry bud.

  • Angela says:

    My first kids are b/g twins and they didn’t eat a french fry or have a happy meal for the first three years of their life (until preschool playdates started). My third child ate french fries as one of his first foods.

  • Tricia says:

    My husband came home from work to find a burning smell in the kitchen. I had put water on to boil, for my sons pacifiers, and I fell asleep. It had evaporated and the empty pan was burning. I can’t even boil water right!!!

  • CSY says:

    Being the oldest of 5 kids (and a million grandkids), I thought I KNEW how to be a mom. When Katie was a few months old I had a baby sling thingie and I was trying to put her in it….the only thing? I put the sling thing on first, THEN tried to put her in it…I ended up putting her head in a ceiling fan – which broke 3 of the 4 fan things off and scared the HOLY COW out of me! Yeah, I’ve been a rocking mom ever since.

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kelcey kintner