It’s hard to fathom that there was a time when I had one kid.
When Dylan was an infant, I remember changing her diaper (dry or not) every two hours all night long. There’s probably a special landfill with her name on it.
When Dylan was a toddler, I would go to yoga class very early in the morning but I couldn’t bear to leave the apartment without checking on her. So I would creep into her room ever so quietly, put my hand on her back and then without fail, accidentally wake her up.
She would start to stir and I would fly out of the room. I’d hear her wails as I fled to the elevator, just praying that my husband would think she woke up on her own.
Sorry Rick. It was me. Every single time.
Hey new moms, if you get the chance to go to yoga alone, crawl quietly by the baby’s room like a Navy Seal and get out of the house. Your kid is fine. You’ll see him when you get home.
And I remember I had this mom’s playgroup and we would talk about really important stuff while our kids rolled around on the floor.
We once spent an entire hour and a half discussing pacifiers. We labored over the right age to take away the pacifier. And intensely discussed how to gradually and lovingly reduce your child’s dependence on them. One mom talked about how she had 14 pacifiers in her son’s crib so that he had the best chance of finding one in the middle of the night without bothering her. This discussion went on for 90 minutes.
That time is gone people. I can’t get it back.
You know how I took Chase and Harlowe’s pacifiers away? I just gave them the pacifiers less and less often until one day, I just threw them all in the trash. See, that only took me five seconds to tell you. Now you can spend 89 minutes and 55 seconds napping.
And I barely let my first Dylan watch a minute of TV before she turned 2. I let my second kid Summer watch “The L Word” as a baby when I nursed her in the middle of the night. And I don’t think it aired on Nick Jr.
There is a big difference between being a first time mom and a second time mom. Luvs (who is sponsoring this post) has some very funny videos on this topic. The breastfeeding one is my fave but they are all dead on.
And please share with me anything ridiculous things you did as a first time mom. Please. It will make me feel better.