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Dec
16
2011

Even though we’ve moved back home, there are still a lot of workers going in and out of our house.  The other day, I had to run a few errands and left my babysitter Diane at home with a kid or two. Or maybe three. Who can remember exactly.

As soon as I left, one of the workers, a portly fellow named Bernard, asked Diane if she’d like to go to Home Depot with him.

Someone needs to tell Bernard that this is not a great pick-up line.

My sitter explained that despite the allure of a romantic outing to buy brackets, she would not be accompanying him because she was actually working.

As soon as I got home Diane retold me this story and my first thought was, “I hope Diane didn’t feel uncomfortable. Maybe I shouldn’t have left her in the house with the workers.”

But then I forgot all about that and thought, “Hey, wait a minute… how come Bernard never hit on me?! I mean, I can understand Leo the cute but not-so-sharp painter not giving me a second look. But husky 30-something Bernard?! Surely, I am still cute enough to warrant a few flirtatious glances from him as he installs our smoke detectors?!”

I guess not. But I’m not twenty like Diane.

I’m uh… a little bit older than that.

Like a couple decades. I keep forgetting.

There is something about getting older that can make you feel a bit invisible.

When I was in my twenties, I used to meet this tutor Pedro every week at the local McDonalds to practice my Spanish while we dined on Chicken McNuggets.

It was a great situation until he started calling me at home and leaving messages like, “Kelcey, I love you. We should be together. I will leave my wife. Call me.”

Wow. He really liked me. But I didn’t want to break up a marriage. I just wanted to learn how to say, “When is the next train to Barcelona?”

I never called Pedro again. But it was flattering.

It’s just something you take for granted when you’re young and blissfully unaware that hair will actually grown from your chin and it’s possible to get eye wrinkles on one side of your face just from always sleeping on that side.

But luckily, I’ve traded my youth for all that sexy wisdom inside.

And thankfully, I’ve got a great husband who will take me to Home Depot anytime I ask. And I bet he’d even swing by McDonald’s for some nuggets on the way home.


18 Responses to when did construction workers stop whistling at me?

  • Stasha says:

    Sure he will! I once had a construction worker chat me up as I was passing. I was well chuffed because I gave birth not long before and I was ready to take any compliment. But he just wanted to ask where I bought the stroller. And that was the last time a man with the hard hat showed any interest in me or my equipment.

  • E says:

    Kelcey, great post as always but sorry, dear, your hot self is not invisible. Puleeze! Take off that ring, ditch the kids for a bit and I am sure you would have a date to Home Depot in under an hour.

  • Susan says:

    I seem to find some correlation between turning 40 and men stopping checking you out. And I hope Bernard finished the work you needed him to… because if he reads your blog and knows you called him ‘portly/husky’… he might not install those brackets securely. = )

  • daphne says:

    You had me with the title of this piece — it really says it all. I too forget that though I feel the same on the inside, I must not look like a 1/2 dressed 20 year old hottie on the outside.

  • Alex says:

    Something else you take for granted when you are young: that your pubic hairs will always be lush and brown, not thin and gray. That was a tough day in the shower at age 40….

  • Kerry B says:

    OMG hysterical post! I got hit on this summer from a significantly younger guy and giggled inside thinking I still gots it yo! But then I realized he was looking at me in that “i’d like to get with an older woman kinda way.” haha very funny! but like you I have a great husband who still likes to take this ol’ cougar for a ride!

  • Sarka says:

    I’m in my twenties and I didn’t now I will get more eye wrinkles on one side of my face just from always sleeping on that side more often! What a revelation.

    From now on I’m switching the sides regularly.

    Funny post as always 🙂

  • Aunt MARCIA (Guess Whose?) says:

    Just don’t try and stop your 3 girls from enjoying their sexuality when they prance around at 12 shaking their little booties and enjoying the reaction they get from boys/men. It’s a short lived perk of being female…they should enjoy every moment.

  • Heather says:

    Oh God you and me both! I spent 10 minutes today examining my left-side-face-wrinkles and promising I would train myself to sleep on my back.


kelcey kintner


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