I was recently at a birthday party and there was this real pain in the ass kid who was intent on destruction. First Summer spotted him unscrewing 15 bubble wands and pouring the bubbles out on the grass.
Of course, instead of yelling out, “That kid is ruining all the bubbles,” Summer used ESP to get my attention and then just kept whispering in a tone only dogs could hear, “Turn around mom. Turn around.” By the time I read her lips and saw what this boy was doing, it was completely too late. Every bubble wand was empty.
Then I witnessed the same boy breaking a water balloon in his sister’s face.
And few minutes later, he was guzzling someone’s wine spritzer.
His dad was like, “What is he drinking?”
I responded, “A wine spritzer. Is that what he always orders?”
The kid was four.
So the whole time I’m watching this boy, I’m thinking… what a menace but he reminds me of someone. Oh I know. My own kid.
Like I met my mom at the playground this week and one of us watched Dylan, Summer and Harlowe while the other was only responsible for following Chase. As soon as I take him out of the stroller, he rips off his shoes and then he’s off. It’s like he has the busiest day planned and he’s got to get to it.
And today he was eating raw corn.
We had some corn on the cob that had dried out and I was just going to toss it. But Dylan decided she would paint it.
And then Chase ate it.
And now I’m sure you’re thinking… Kelcey, shouldn’t you notice if one of your kids is eating dried out painted corn?! And all I can tell you is that it’s like a “Survivor” episode over here. I’ve got 4 kids, no camp, no school, a serious lack of help and the only thing keeping me going is new episodes of “Project Runway.” (Except that super creepy, disturbing one with the stilts that still haunts me a little bit.)
So no, I didn’t notice that Chase was eating old corn.
But I do look forward to sharing a wine spritzer with him in a couple years.
P.S. Please do not tell me what happened on PR this week since I have yet to watch it.
P.P.S. Please don’t tell me the dangers of letting your toddler go barefoot on sharp wood chips or ingest raw corn.