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I was recently at a birthday party and there was this real pain in the ass kid who was intent on destruction. First Summer spotted him unscrewing 15 bubble wands and pouring the bubbles out on the grass.

Of course, instead of yelling out, “That kid is ruining all the bubbles,” Summer used ESP to get my attention and then just kept whispering in a tone only dogs could hear, “Turn around mom. Turn around.” By the time I read her lips and saw what this boy was doing, it was completely too late. Every bubble wand was empty.

Then I witnessed the same boy breaking a water balloon in his sister’s face.

And few minutes later, he was guzzling someone’s wine spritzer.

His dad was like, “What is he drinking?”

I responded, “A wine spritzer. Is that what he always orders?”

The kid was four.

So the whole time I’m watching this boy, I’m thinking… what a menace but he reminds me of someone. Oh I know. My own kid.

Like I met my mom at the playground this week and one of us watched Dylan, Summer and Harlowe while the other was only responsible for following Chase.Β  As soon as I take him out of the stroller, he rips off his shoes and then he’s off.Β  It’s like he has the busiest day planned and he’s got to get to it.

And today he was eating raw corn.

We had some corn on the cob that had dried out and I was just going to toss it. But Dylan decided she would paint it.

And then Chase ate it.

And now I’m sure you’re thinking… Kelcey, shouldn’t you notice if one of your kids is eating dried out painted corn?! And all I can tell you is that it’s like a “Survivor” episode over here. I’ve got 4 kids, no camp, no school, a serious lack of help and the only thing keeping me going is new episodes of “Project Runway.” (Except that super creepy, disturbing one with the stilts that still haunts me a little bit.)

So no, I didn’t notice that Chase was eating old corn.

But I do look forward to sharing a wine spritzer with him in a couple years.

P.S. Please do not tell me what happened on PR this week since I have yet to watch it.

P.P.S. Please don’t tell me the dangers of letting your toddler go barefoot on sharp wood chips or ingest raw corn.

46 Responses to what the hell is up with boys?

  • Heather says:

    Yes, boys are definitely different, so says the one who SWORE in college gender psychology that it was nurture over nature. Hahahahaha! Jokes on me.

    However, having almost 11 years experience raising two boys, I’d have to say there’s no excuse for a boy acting like an a-hole at a birthday party. I mean, kids will be a-holes sometimes and some boys definitely have a harder time with impulse control (mine!), but you step up as a parent and do something crazy, like, oh my kid is acting like a total a-hole at the party, I guess he’ll have to leave.

  • Becky says:

    The mischief level increases each year. Dramatically. My boys are 8 and 9 – I’m totally outnumbered, outfoxed, and out of wine spritzers. Have I helped you at all?

    If it’s a comfort, I watch PR — OnDemand as I never get to see it at its regularly scheduled time. I was equally disturbed by the stilt walkers.

  • erinb says:

    we are swimming in pink over here but my sister will enjoy this post. havent watched PR either this week but must say I am liking this season…maybe one season i will be inspired to sew. like even a button. maybe.

  • Leigh says:

    Yeah, what is wrong with boys. I have 1 of each. My sister has 3 boys and when you have more than 1 they seem to bring it to a higher level.
    If he had a brother all the wine spritzers would have had bubbles in them then they would be daring the youngest one to drink it.

  • mackbeth says:

    As a mother of 2 boys your tagline is my daily mantra. I grew up with one sister who was 4 years older and my parents watch their 2 grandsons in awe. grandpa thinks it is hilarious! Wait until the first nerf gun enters your house, you’ll be asking that same question as they learn to make a perfect shooting sound effects by age 3. Sorry to say, I agree with Kerry –
    Just Wait!
    P.S. There is a cute t-shirt at Nordstrom that says “Boys will be Boys”, a super back to school purchase!

  • hokgardner says:

    But see, it isn’t necessarily because he’s a boy. My youngest daughter will give her big brother a run for the money with destructive, willful, head-ache inducing behavior any day of the week.

    • Julie says:

      Hear Hear!! My 3 year old daughter makes my 5 1/2 year old son look like an angel. Total opposite of what you are experiencing. She’s everything I want her to be WHEN SHE’S A WOMAN – strong, independent, clever, funny and confident.
      I mean that’s good now too, but hard to manage πŸ˜‰

      My mom took them to the pool the other day and was so distraught by their behavior that she called and begged me to pick them up…right…this…very…second. My devilish daughter dumped every single pool toy and flotation device (an entire closet at the pool house) into the pool with 6 other strangers looking on and shaking their heads while her older brother quietly said, “stop. oh wait, bring me another one.” She followed that with a full strip and a run around the pool nekkiid laughing as my mother begged her to stop. Not really that bad though if no one was around πŸ˜‰

      Fun and games.

  • Robyn says:

    I have 2 boys, so I have only been able to ASSUME that their “go! go! go! mischievious” nature is a boy thing.

    Thank you for confirming that. It’s not me, it’s them!

  • MN Mama says:

    I cannot imagine parenting a boy! They are so busy! We are having a doll play date today. I am happy as can be in the frilly world of dolls. Good luck with Chase. He is adorable!

  • But the silver lining is that fact that he’ll never be as moody, crabby or emotionally demanding as a girl would be…if that helps…which is probably doesn’t when he’s devouring painted corn, climbing into the dryer and unloading the dishwasher.

    If it makes you feel better (which, again, probably doesn’t because of that shoeless boy on the playground), the girl half of my 19 month-old boy-girl twins is the dare devil. She’ll be standing on the arm of the rocking chair as her twin brother sits there and calmly reads a board book.

    And I’m sure my fearless little girl will be EVERY BIT as moody as her full-time eleven year-old stepsister currently is, too.

    GOOD LUCK! I’m sure Chase will NEVER be pouring out all the bubble wands at a party.

    • Issa says:

      Chelle? I do not know you, but I think you are possibly the most brilliant woman in the world. Seriously.

      This is the best statement ever. Also? I’m terrified. Because my oldest daughter will be ten this year. 5th grade. Maybe I can find an island for her to be on in middle school??

  • Kristine says:

    I’m right there with you. My younger son (2.5) recently grabbed someone’s wine. Then we went to my eldest’s (4.5) new school and the little one darted toward every electrical outlet he saw. Right now, he’s sporting a road-rashed face when he hurled himself down a sidewalk.

    And just this morning, the older one was carrying around a fitted sheet and asking me to throw him so he could parachute.

  • Megan says:

    I was thinking this EXACT same thing today! I handed over a beautiful pinwheel to my 2yo and he proceeded to rip it and beat objects all over the house (including the dog) with it with such glee, it was almost alarming. Meanwhile, the little toddler girls are sitting calmly on their behinds watching the colors spin…

  • kt says:

    My 2 year old twin boys are crazy…seriously. Actually, they’re driving me crazy…seriously. I’m up for trading 3 girls for just one of my boys until…10. Then, you can have all the girls you want. Until then, maybe I need to be the one downing everyone’s leftover wine spritzers!

  • kristena says:

    2 boys… ages 4 and 7. It gets better every year. Mine gang up on me and try to suck me into their evil games. I hide in the bathroom and drink my wine πŸ™‚ They are wonderful. Sports help… A LOT! The busier you can be with them the better they are. But that is still no reason for neglectful parents. My boys are respectful to all adults and out in public. Now home… totally different story!

  • Diane says:

    Agree with so many of the comments here. I’m finding the wackiness and endless energy is nongender specific. Either that or I’m way to old for this stuff.

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    Probably best game to play with boys is “Cowboys and Indians”. You’re the ‘Indian’ and you get to ‘capture’ them and tie them to trees…while you go hunting buffalo (do your chores). Come around every 1/2 hour, ‘torture them’ (tickle them) and it will take them a long time to figure out what’s really happening. That’s Aunt Marcia’s advice today on how to handle boys.

  • anna see says:

    Ha! I used to be so darn smug that my little boy didn’t act like this. But then I realized he had trouble socializing and…coping…and lots of things. Things are better now, but at the time I would have pined for a wine-guzzling ruffian, for sure!

  • Issa says:

    Someone once lied to me and said that a boy born after a few girls is mellower and less likely to take down an entire city block in one minute.

    Yeah. I’m not friends with her anymore.

  • Rachael says:

    I’m told I want to wish for a boy. That is when other mamas give me advice on my pregnancy and ask what I wish for. I am told girls are harder to raise. I am beginning to think that may not be the case ;P It doesn’t really matter, your kids are adorable and I am SURE that your son can’t be as bad as that kid at the party … right!? πŸ˜‰

  • meaghan says:

    I’m with you on PR and the stilts. I had a hard time taking the clothes and the judges seriously on that one. Scary…

    About the boys… Boys will be boys (I have two, ages 6 & 8). They are loud and crazy and fearless. I say let Chase out of the stroller and on to his busy agenda. The more active they are the better they sleep, and all boys are sweet when they sleep. But they definitely need guidance about what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t. It sounds like the boy at the party needed a little help…

  • Lauren says:

    As a mother of two boys, I know the payoff is waiting for me in the pre-teen and teen years, whereas my friends with girls will be headed for a world of headache at that point in time. I just have to hold on for dear life until then.

  • Johanna says:

    I am learning ever so quick that boys are different! Gavin just turned two and could not be more opposite of my daughter. He is soo physical with everything- the climbing, jumping , banging… The list goes on. Tonight propelled himself off the arm of a couch in our Cape Cod rental house. Scared me to tears. Man, these boys sure are a different breed!!

  • Shana says:

    Um, yeah, toddler boys are freaks. I have 3 girls, 1 boy, most of whom are grown ups now. But just wait. I would rather schlep around a carload of tween or teen boys any day vs girls. Once you get over the smell, they are extremely entertaining. The girls? Made me insane, especially in the middle school years.

  • Yeah, my toddler boy is TOTALLY giving me a run for my money and sanity this summer. Totally different from his sister, which I totally expected. But somehow I didn’t invision him *literally* climbing the walls and making the coffee table his lounge.

  • Suzie says:

    I have 2 boys, 12 & 10. The other day the 10 yo yelled into his bottle of soda (sprite for being good while out shopping) and put the lid on real quick.

    A few seconds later he says (I think to himself) “I’m going to listen to my scream”

    Opens the bottle, holds it to his ear for a few seconds, looks at me and says

    “that is so weird”

    I feel your pain!

  • Ann says:

    I distinctly remember my first-born emptying all the mini-bubbles into the pond at my in-law’s wedding.

    And tonight 7 poured himself a nice tall glass of white wine sangria. All by himself!

  • jen says:

    Okay seriously, thank you for having this blog…

    I have read through like 4 posts now, and I’m already in love…you are freakin’ hilarious. I’m here at work, trying not to scare anyone away with uproars of laughter…you’re killing me πŸ™‚

    I am so subscribing πŸ™‚

kelcey kintner