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Jun
05
2008

So I finally saw it. You know that crazy huge movie everyone is talking about. Sex and the City. I won’t spoil it, if you haven’t seen it. Although Samantha hooking up with Mr. Big?! Way unexpected.

Oh, would I ever do that to you? Of course not.

The movie was perfectly perfect. From the clothes to the relationships to the soul of New York. It was all there. And it all left me feeling sort of nostalgic.

l saw the movie with two close girlfriends. Back in my twenties, these women were my “it” girls in New York. My single gal pals. We threw back cocktails, took expensive cab rides and soul searched. We were all looking for love. And we found it. Love. Marriage. Pregnancy. Children.

So what’s with the melancholy look back? Do I miss being single, lonely and endlessly wondering… Is he out there? And if yes, why is he hiding from me? Definitely not. Not for a minute.

But I miss that time in life when your friends are your family. You live with them. You go out with them. You shop with them. You cry with them. You laugh with them. In many ways, they are your everything. Or at least they were to me.

With marriage and children, friendships change. An occasional wine night. A birthday get together. A trip to the movies now and then. But it’s not the same. It can’t be the same. Children need to be nursed. Babysitters need to be hired. Spouses need time and attention.

As we left the theater, I chatted with one of my girlfriends. Normally, we would walk home in the same direction, catching up on each other’s lives. But not tonight. Actually, not anymore. A few days ago, she and her family moved to Brooklyn in search of space, quiet and balance.

My friend says she feels far less pressure in Brooklyn to be fabulous. She can throw on a pair of cargo pants and a t-shirt there and feel good about herself when she walks outside. No pressure from the abundance of fashionistas in Manhattan.

I nodded and laughed as I thought of a mom I had seen earlier that week at the playground…

Kind of definitely made me wish I had spent more than 12 minutes getting ready. Not that the extra time would have turned me into a 5 11′ leggy, supermodel mama.

So after the movie, my friend and I lingered at the corner, both of us reluctant to say goodbye as we talked about our children, our husbands, the summer and my quickly approaching birthday.

Finally, it was getting late. It was time to go. We would chat soon.

She hailed a cab and took off towards Brooklyn.

And I also grabbed a taxi, and headed in the other direction.

mama bird notes

When you met your baby for the very first time, was it love at first sight? Perhaps not. Contributing mama Jordana Bales writes honestly about bonding with her new baby Lila Drew. Click on contributing mamas to read more.


38 Responses to us girls and the city

  • mayberry says:

    I haven't seen the movie yet and I soooo wish I could see it with my NYC single-days girls. You know, like the one who once called me at 6 a.m. on a weekend and the first words out of her mouth were "DON'T look at the clock."

  • Three cheers for Brooklyn! It's where the real people live!

    And as the kids get a little older, you manage to carve out more time for your friends. But, you're right – it's not like it once was.

  • Diane says:

    I'm planning to see it on Sunday with some friends – we have to live vicariously thru movies to see what city living is like. I thought your point was well made – keeping up with girlfriend is still very rewarding – just so much harder to do. When's your birthday?

  • misty says:

    though I've never had the privilege of the fashionable Manhattan life, I totally get your point about girlfriends…

    I also love that your friend is like Miranda in brooklyn.

  • Jennifer H says:

    I just wrote a long comment and lost it. Grr.

    Loved the movie, too. And it made me nostalgic. I saw it with a good friend, but I wish I could have seen it with my best friend from way back (still my best friend, we've just known each other that long). I keep thinking about the movie, even days later.

    See, I wasn't going to let it spill that Samantha hooked up with Big. You just couldn't keep quiet, could you? πŸ˜‰

  • Jacki says:

    Oh I totally miss my single days…it was so much fun being single and crazy, and not responsible for anyone but myself. But we all gotta grow up sometime.

  • kristen says:

    The movie was perfectly perfect. Reading your post made me wistful for my life in Manhattan, sheesh, even Brooklyn! Brooklyn now, would seem so posh compared to the banishment it felt like when we bought our apartment oh so long ago.

    If I wore a tee and cargos to the playground I'd be DRESSED compared to most of the clothing choices I see out here, ugh.

    I live 15 miles from the city and you'd think sometimes I was in the middle of nowhere!!

  • Yvie says:

    It's true! My friends and I seldom see each other. Because of distance and change, we only get to meet each other once a year. πŸ™‚ Things changed but everytime we see each other, it is as if time doesn't exist at all. πŸ˜€ I love them so!

  • Robyn says:

    Though it will never be like it was before marriage, kids, etc., HOLD TIGHT to your girlfriends. Instead of lamenting the time you don't have together, treasure the time that you do. There will be times in your life when they are the only ones you want to lean on — and you need to maintain your friendships so they will still be there.

    Don't mean to sound preachy, I'm just missing my best friend right now.

  • wa says:

    Brooklyn sounds a lot like Austin. If that leggy mommy were seen here, someone would have asked her, quite nicely, if she lost her pants & needed to borrow some.

  • sam says:

    oh the good old days! wild + crazy times! don't really miss it, this life chapter is sooo much deeper and more fulfilling. i think the friendships are better too because we have some serious stuff to bond over. by the way, that woman is six foot five, where the freak did she come from???? i have been rocking the hobo mom look for quite some time now and it really works for me, very low maintenance!

  • Becky says:

    I guess that's one of the perks of being a single mom. I have the best of both worlds (minus monogamous sex) I have my son and my parents close by but I also have my girlfriends to go out with and drink and get pedicures.

    Although I have to admit I am still saying "I have been waiting for him for 20 years! Where is he already!"

  • JoLynn says:

    You do have family!!!! All of us out here love you and will alway's be here for you, if not in person-in print!! And when the grl's start school fulltime you will WISH you didn't have so much time on your hand's!!! (You'll find yourself cleaning alot!):(

  • Daphne says:

    Loved this post, Kelc. You summed it all up perfectly. I'm going out for Cosmos and SITC tonight and cannot wait for a little nostalgia

  • Cathy says:

    Yeah, Moms Night Out is definitely not the same as Girls Nights out. I would so not make it in Manhattan–I live in t-shirts. πŸ™‚

  • shay says:

    I think it's all about growing up. I still haven't seen the movie but I understand your feelings. I wouldn't want to go back there BUT the nostalgia for closer friendships with my old friends does get me at times!

  • Susiej says:

    That mama in the picture.. is she a nanny?!

    And, it is little events like this that come into our lives that show us how different our place is now, from where we were.

  • Alex - Brooklyn Boun says:

    Sweet Kelcey – I felt sad leaving you on that corner as I headed home to Park Slope. How tragic that I have become Miranda! I miss our partying days, our roommate days, our 4th-of-July-vacation days. So much of the story of my 20's features you as a main character and now the story is mostly about the husband, the baby and the house. I guess we all had to change…evolve along our paths. But, the good news is that we will continue to evolve and eventually our kids and our husbands won't need us quite as much as they do right now. We can circle back to that time when we were three sexy girls out in the city. Once the kids can fend for themselves, we'll get our girl gang back together and head back out into the city for drinks, dancing and socializing. Sure, we might need to adjust our wardrobes from what they were 10 years ago, but our family unit will still be strong. And, girl, you will always be able to rock a short skirt and pair of Manolos!

  • ErinB says:

    can you tell me the name of the park with the super model mom ..so i will NEVER go there..my self esteem would never recover from that.

    ahhh…SATC was just blissful!

  • ke says:

    agree 100% — saw it last nite –and LOVED IT wish id seen it in nyc with my best girls with whom i have gone through all the stages, and watched every episode of the show…. very nostalgic.

  • Arlene and Stuart says:

    We love this piece about "Sex and the City". It is beautiful , and so well written.

    You completely got us on the Samantha and Mr Big comment. (And wouldn't that be an interesting twist ? )

    Yes it was a fine time when your friends are your family; all the wonderful moments and drinks and cabs and stories and great times. We felt very fortunate to share that time with you, especially in those fun dinners we had in our apartment. And times change, and every age and moment contains its own rewards . Your comments really made us a bit teary.

    There is a wonderful moment from the TV Sex/City that encapsulates so much of what you have said. Carrie sees her former fiance (the furniture guy … I forget his name). Furniture guy turns around and now has a baby, and Carrie says she has a date. They are in different universes and it is so sad. And that's what happens.

    You captured it beautifully in your mama bird diary.

    I remember a part of me being so sad when I was engaged (the first time).

    Although happy, I felt my life as I knew and enjoyed it was changed and would never be the same. Arlene and I also felt that same way when we graduated from college.

    Yes that is life, and we go through changes. Although it is wonderful to be grand parents, the feeling is again not so different. The wonderful moments of being a parent to young children is gone…. for us grandparents.

    I guess the only answer, if there is even a question, is to enjoy and savor every moment.

    Damn …. now I've made myself teary.

    We love you Kelc …. Arlene and Stuart

  • Jordana says:

    Oh my – I forgot about those July 4th vacations!! <> No way am I buying new clothes – hee hee!! I love you guys!!

  • Julie says:

    I just saw the movie two nights ago and I felt the same way. I cried when Carrie went to Miranda's apartment on New Year's Eve. I don't think that gives too much away. Kelcey, I am so glad I have you and my other Mamas to be with in this chapter. You do make me laugh. XO, Julie

  • Kim says:

    Maybe she was the nanny? what mom wears white to the park?? Hhahaha

    I can't wait to see SATC. It was my favorite when it was on TV.

  • cce says:

    Each stage of life has its sweetness and its despair. I often pine a little for the days of girl chats and evenings out and my tiny little apartment with the leaky sink but then I walk into my kitchen that is bigger than my entire place was then and breath a sigh of relief. I can have my girls here and we can expand into an evening and bitch about our spouses…so here's to another chapter while savoring the last.

  • Aimee says:

    I so hear ya sista!

    I haven't seen the movie (going next week)..but Sex And The City surely came at a time in my life that I was single in the city too! My my how I loved those days. BUT like you–I don't miss looking for love and the roller coaster it was. Single in the city is HARD. I do miss the freedom to going out with friends whenever where ever…I miss feeling trendy and cool. Now I am just a Mom with a crusty Cherrio on her shirt! Such is life. We will always have Paris! πŸ™‚

  • madge says:

    i can't believe you are trying to convince people that Big and Samantha ended up together when it was really Big and Steve.

    come on!!!

  • I just saw the movie this week as well. It made me very nostalgic for NY, considering we have officially cancelled our trip. I should be there right now!

    I was a tad disappointed in the ending, but I am over it…

    Great Post… So True!

  • Kristen M says:

    Beautiful writing Kelc! I so would never make it in NYC. NJ is even too much for me. The pressures in the NY area are amazing to me. Miss you!

  • LaskiGal says:

    I don't miss those looking for love days either . . .

    I do, like you, miss the days of hanging out with the girls–sharing stories, drinks, laughs.

    I LOVED the movie. What an escape πŸ™‚

  • Lulu says:

    My best friend, who I was lucky enough to see SATC: The Movie with, commented afterwards about friendships that last YEARS – friendships that endure. Hard to come by, but very necessary. The work that goes into friendships is incredible, but the benefits well worth it.

    My FAVE part (OK, one of …): When Samantha feeds Carrie.

    That, to me, says everything.

  • Madmad says:

    SNORT! I totally fell for it! I'm like, Samantha and Mr. Big?! You're kidding! I'm such a tool.

    That chick was probably a nanny, though, doncha think?


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