Knowing how a little boy pees did not come naturally to me.
Long before I had a son, I had to bring a young boy to the bathroom and I must say, I was so confused, he just decided to hold it. Smart thinking lad.
And then I had my own little boy. And I started to understand that you have different options… a toddler boy can pee sitting down but he has to push his pen*s towards the bowl or he can pee standing up but then he needs a step stool and some target practice.
And at this point, I was about to award myself a master’s degree with honors in boy potty training when the subject of wiping came up.
My husband told me that boys don’t wipe, boys “shake.”
“What? Shake like as in shake and bake?” I said.
“Yes, but just the shake part,” he explained.
Okay. I’ve never thought much about what a boy or man does after he pees. I am a girl. Girls must wipe. If they don’t, they quickly get a urinary tract infection (UTI). Sometimes they get UTI’s anyway. Being a girl can suck.
But guys? Who the hell knew what they were doing exactly. I figured they were getting the pee off somehow but didn’t know if they were shaking and baking, using magical powers, toilet paper or whatever.
A whole lot of shaking apparently.
Except the shaking technique wasn’t working very well with my 2 1/2 year old son. Because every toddler (or at least every single one I’ve ever met) hates a drop of anything on his or her clothes. So Chase would pee, shake and then 97 1/2% of the time, he would get a drop of pee on his underwear which did not fly with him. He would have to immediately change or sob about the situation and the whole thing was getting ridiculous and time consuming.
So now, and please don’t tell my husband, Chase shakes and then I pat his pen*s dry. Or he does it himself. Either way.
I’m sure this is just a phase and everyone is happy.
Except then I texted a few friends to see if they ever had to do this with their toddler sons and they were all like… “no.”
God, I hope I’m not the first mother to do this. That would be awkward.
But as one friend put it, “Be happy that hygiene is important to him!”
I like her spin.
mama bird notes:
In other news, I wrote a piece for Lifetime defending Kim Kardashian. I know. I could hardly believe it myself. Click here to read.
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