I know some of you will soon be heading to Florida to escape the freezing temperatures and while you’re here, you might be inclined to take an exercise class.
Now you may think you can just grab a water bottle, throw on a pair of sneakers and show up. Oh no. Getting ready for the gym Florida style is sort of like getting ready to attend the Oscar’s but instead of walking the red carpet, some woman will yell at you to do 100 squats and then scream, “Do you feel it?!!” At which point, you are required to shout back, “Woohoo!!!”
I’d hate for you to stick out like a tourist so here are a few tips if you want to blend in with the South Florida natives.
1. Show up to the gym in high heels. Begrudgingly put on sneakers just before class begins. Know in your heart that you could spin in Christian Louboutin shoes.
2. Be born with fabulous boobs or get a boob job prior to class.
3. Arrive at your cardio class with a blowout and full makeup. How much makeup? Think one of the Kardashians. Not Rob. The other ones. Don’t even bother putting your hair in a ponytail. Just wear it down and pretend like it’s not driving you completely bat crazy.
4. As for apparel, a lot of women go for these one piece jumpsuits as a way to show off their sick (that’s a good thing) bodies.
(I wear one and then layer a muumuu over it.)
5. If a spandex bodysuit is too much material for you, here is another popular alternative….
6. During class, it’s important to check your phone constantly. Just because you’re in the middle of a workout, doesn’t mean you can’t take a break and play Candy Crush during the hard parts. Plus this cuts down on that sweating thing which can threaten the bounce of your blowout.
7. Never finish a class. At some point, during the abs or stretching, collect your things and leave because you’ve got stuff to do. Like maybe drop by the cafe. Or the salon.
8. After exercising, shower and put on jeans and a light sweater because with a low of 83 degrees, you don’t want to risk feeling chilled.
9. If possible, try to work out at a gated community that caters to the 65 plus. That way you get to hear the sweetest question there is… “Are you still in college?” Hug the 85 year-old woman who just said this to you.
Good luck out there and happy Florida fitness!