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Not so long ago my husband Rick and I decided we were in the mood for a little wild rumpusing.

So we put the kids in bed. Rick went off to create some romantic ambiance in our bedroom while I ordered take-out sushi. No, raw fish is not part of our sexual repertoire. Ick. It’s just that I was starving and deliveries take a while. So I placed the order and joined Rick in our bedroom.

A few minutes later, I couldn’t concentrate. I started to worry about the timing. I realized the sushi might be ready before we were. So I put money in an envelope and taped it to the outside of our apartment door with a note that read, “This is the money for the sushi. Just leave the order here. No need to knock or ring. Thank you.”

Problem solved. Back to business in the bedroom.


Me: What was that? (I quickly pull the covers up).

Rick: I don’t know. Probably something out in the hall.

3 year-old Dylan suddenly appears in the doorway of our bedroom. She quizzically surveys the scene, staring at the candles, the dimmed chandelier, Justin Timberlake getting his sexy back on the ipod and her parents in bed, with the covers yanked up to their necks. She mentions none of this.

Dylan: There’s pee in my pull-up.

Rick: Ok honey. (Rick gets himself together under the covers and bounds out of bed. I lay there motionless, just staring at our toddler, fearing she might ask questions. She does not. Rick changes her pull-up and quickly guides her back to her bedroom).

He returns and once again we attempt to get OUR sexy back.


Me: What is THAT?

Rick: I don’t know.


Me: I think it’s the take-out guy knocking on the door. Maybe he doesn’t speak English. Maybe he can’t read the note.

Naked Rick gets up, throws a towel around his waist and answers the door. It is indeed the sushi take-out guy, who does not read English. But apparently the language barrier is no barrier now. He flashes a knowing smile at my tussled husband, takes the money and hands over the bag.

Rick returns. At this point, I am laughing. He is too. But we are committed to this. We will make this happen.

And we do.

The sushi is great too.

8 Responses to this is why parents don’t have more sex

  • Michele says:

    Joel and I laughed out loud. You are so funny. Wishing the mama bird and her brood a very happy healthy new year.

  • kwolph says:

    Ha sounds like mamabird and papabird needs some outside help with the kids. Have a happy New Year and if you need any suggestions for getting the kids out of the house, I am a representative of NY Kids Club in NYC area.

  • Tully's Mama says:

    Yes, our dear one has the same impeccable timing as Dylan and that is most likely why she remains a singleton. Congrats on seeing it through. I tend to secretly high-five Tully and welcome the excuse to put it off another night. Happy New Year, mamabirds! mbj

  • Jordana's Aunt says:

    Now all we need are photos on the Mamabird Diarys of you and Rick 'doing the dirties' and I'll be done signing on to Al Goldstein's Booble Blog for my daily dose of porn. You can also tie Dylan to the bed next time and add some photos of that for a whole new audience into 'bondage' and 'child abuse'…Glad to hear you're getting in SEX between Life with Children. I look forward to your next adventure. M.

kelcey kintner