When you return home for a visit, it will seem perfect. Like I went back to New York a few weeks ago and it was 72, sunny with no humidity almost every day. I should have hired someone to follow me around with a bucket of snow and throw it in my face every couple hours to help me appreciate Florida. Next time.
Real friendships take time to develop. And friendships are hard to predict. Don’t discount a cool girl just because you overheard her having a ridiculous argument with her husband over peach pie. (Not that I would ever argue about peach pie.) (Okay, it was definitely me.)
You must accept all invitations because even though an invite to go late night roller skating meant you nearly ended up in the middle of a teenage turf rumble in a sketchy parking lot, it could have been a great night of couples’ skates and nachos at the snack bar.
Just when you think you finally know where you are going, you will spend 25 minutes lost in your own development.
For the first time in your life, you leave notes for your husband like, “Just saw a lizard under the blinds. Before you come upstairs, take care of it.” He will claim he “couldn’t find it.” Despite his long history of honesty, you will sort of not believe him.
You will meet potential friends, become friends on Facebook and then get a birthday notification that they are 26 years old. This will make your 40 something self weep. You will be forced to block their Facebook updates.
You will find yourself in funks at times. Don’t try to cheer yourself up by clicking on those links, “Celebrities without makeup!” First of all, half of them are wearing makeup unless shiny lips the color of candy apples is now a natural pigment and the other half look gorgeous without makeup.
You will try to convince yourself that you don’t need friends and that Monica, Rachel and Phoebe, although a bit dated in their overalls and big sweaters, are enough. You must persevere and find real friends. Ones that aren’t on 90’s sitcoms.
The first mom who asks for a Friday afternoon playdate, that involves wine and appetizers, has serious potential.
Know your elevator friendship pitch. Like mine could be, “I have 5 kids, I once got 10 cavities from eating too many hard candies and I make great monkey sounds! It’s so nice to meet you!!” I would suggest you come up with something better than that.
It always gets better. You really can’t judge a place until you’ve been there a decade. Just kidding. It really takes about 2 years. Eventually it will feel like home. Or something like home.