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School supplies

Sure, there are a million articles on how to stay organized this school year. But how many are there about NOT staying organized? Zero.

Obviously this is a real oversight and I am here to fill the void.

So here is everything you can do to NOT be organized this school year….

Leave everything that comes home from school in a big pile and hope it sorts itself out.

Every time someone mentions color coded folders, do a whisky shot.

Don’t open any emails from the school or your children’s teachers.

When the teacher asks why you never signed up for a conference, just say, “If a conference is meant to be, it will be.”

Instead of checking your kids’ homework, just assume they completed everything to their highest potential.

When it comes to your kids’ after school schedule, write nothing down and just wing it.

Laminate everything – their backpacks, their school uniforms, their shoes. If you are feeling extra ambitious, laminate their beds and desks too.

Never refer to a calendar and always just say, “Sure! I’ll be there!” every time someone asks you to volunteer.

When they ask why you didn’t show up to volunteer, just say, “I was there! You didn’t see me? I was completely there. I saw you. You didn’t see me?”

Get hooks with their names on them but never hang up the hooks.

Prepare nothing the night before school so you can frantically be packing lunches, fixing hair and making breakfast – all why screaming, “We’re running late! Everyone hustle!! We’re late!!”

Keep 385 unsharpened pencils in your house and 1 sharpened one whose location is unknown.

5 Responses to things that will NOT help you stay organized this school year

  • Alex says:

    you forgot one: even though you know every thursday is gym/fitness day, and that the teacher has specifically asked that children come to school on thursdays wearing sneakers, send your child to school wearing strappy sandals with rhinestones as a show of your commitment to physical education. this will not only make the teacher extremely happy, but your 3rd grader will be teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown when she realizes, at drop-off that morning, that she will be scolded AGAIN for improper footwear. good times.

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kelcey kintner