You will spend way too much money despite saying, “No, we are not getting the action packed, triple extra flavor blasted assorted cheese puffs with infused cheddar crystals” many times.
You will say no to things that will somehow end up in your cart anyway but you won’t notice until you get home.
Your kids will start giving each other piggy back rides and run up and down the aisles singing Frozen songs. You will have no ability to stop them.
You will at some point yell to one of your children, “Get off the floor!!”
They will pick out 14 avocados instead of 2.
They will pick out 6 bruised peaches.
Because you can’t focus at all, you will forget the one thing you actually needed.
You will feed your one-year-old deli ham samples and Pirate’s Booty and call it dinner. You will feel no shame or guilt because that seems pretty well balanced.
Someone will have to poop.
Later on, someone else will have to pee.
More than one person will ask, “Are they all yours?” You will say no. You are just the nanny. They will remark how you resemble a couple of the children. You will say, “That’s why they hired me!”
At some point, you will realize there are 7 boxes of cereal in your cart. You don’t have 7 kids. How are there 7 boxes?!
At check-out, your son will drop a package of baked beans that will spill all over the floor. You will not have the will or the ability to get another one because it’s 8 aisles away. You will consider buying what’s left in the baked beans container. But the check-out woman will take pity and send someone to get you a new one. You will repay her kindness by cleaning up the beans.
You will seriously applaud yourself for remembering the reusable bags.
And a high five for not losing any of the children in the store. At least not for an extended amount of time. After all, you want to give them space to explore their culinary and frozen food passions.
A woman will compliment you on your spirited, gorgeous children and share that hers are coming home from college soon.
You will cherish every wild moment because you know someday all of yours will be away too.