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That if the PTA president at your kids’ new school shows you 10 clipboards and says, “Sign up to volunteer for whatever you like!” and you respond, “Where is the clipboard for nothing? Because I would really like to sign up for nothing” – she will not think it’s funny. At all.

That if you put up bulletin boards in your kids’ room, they will basically put nothing on them…

cute modern bulletin boards for kids

But they will pin a bunch of stuff to their walls instead…

girls' room

That I haven’t brought my kids to the dentist for over a year and the last dentist was super shady. He didn’t do a lot of teeth cleaning. He mostly did magic tricks. So this time I’m going to bring them to someone who is skilled in dentistry rather than card tricks. It’s just a different way to go.

That if you try to watch the MTV awards, you won’t know what station they are on. Once you find the station, you won’t believe how old you are. The next night, the Emmy’s will make you feel less old but very unattractive. Takeaway: awards shows are only for when your self esteem is at an all time high.

That if you take your tween girls into a Justice store thinking you are going to quickly return something, you will become a hostage victim and will have little chance of leaving without buying something for your tween captors.

That if you leave your 4-year-old twins alone in a room, they will cut each other’s hair. This is what Chase snipped off Harlowe’s head…

harlowe's hair

On the bright side, my 4-year-old son did a pretty good job of cutting cool layers for his sister…

harlowe's haircut

(And seeing is overrated anyway.)

That if your 4-year-old son begs and begs for you to cut off the back straps of his flip flops and you know you shouldn’t do it but you still do because he seems really certain  – that he will never wear his flip flops again because now they “don’t feel right.”

No matter how many times you tell your 15-month-old son just to sit back and relax for a minute, he totally won’t.

That when your child says, “I’m going to leave out that game (with a million small pieces) so I can’t play with it later” – that is ALWAYS code for “I don’t plan on playing this again but you can just put it away after I go to bed.”

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kelcey kintner