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Dec
17
2014

elf on a shelf

That Elf on a Shelf is always staring at me and I’m confident these are the things he’s thinking…

1. I wonder how long that lady is going to look for her keys. I can see them right there under the couch. She’s checked her back pocket 4 times. Lady, they are under the couch!!

2. These kids seriously eat more off the floor than their plates.

3. Oh man, they forgot to move me again. I wonder what excuse they are going to use this time. I like the one about me having a bit of sciatica.

4. That 4 year old boy just asked his mother 14 times if he could have a snack. Dude, you aren’t getting a snack.

5. Oh wait, 14 might be his lucky number after all. He broke her. He got a snack!

6. I would do anything to change my outfit. I’m soooo over red. I wish I could wear navy. I look fabulous is navy.

7. No one around here is ever going to guess that I’m the mastermind behind the Sony hacking scheme.

8. Where are the Barbies? I can’t find them anywhere. Did they get rid of the Barbies? They know I like to hang with Barbies late night. Come on!! Last year I hung out in the Barbie hot tub!

9. Pizza 3 nights in a row. Seriously people?! You’re mailing this parenting thing in.

10. Why would you buy a kid a drum set?

11. Hey lady, if you’re going to pour yourself a glass of Sauvignon Blanc, don’t forget a glass for the elf. I’m right up here!

12. Can someone please change the channel from Bravo?! A little variety folks!

13. Do you know they are trying to make me work all year round by turning me into a birthday elf! I seriously need a new contract.

14. It’s hard living in a world with so much Elf on a Shelf hate.

15. Did they just turn out the lights and go to sleep. Hello? Hello? Isn’t anyone going to move me?   Hello?

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Check out my latest piece on Lifetime Moms. Ashton Kutcher has declared that he and Mila Kunis aren’t getting a nanny. But trust me celebrity power couple, if you don’t want to turn into crazed, exhausted maniacs, you’re going to need some support.

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7 Responses to things i’m pretty sure my elf on the shelf is thinking


kelcey kintner


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