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I have this big plastic cup by my bed that I refill with water constantly because I get super thirsty when I nurse the twins every 15 minutes. Or every two hours depending on how you calculate the passage of time.

So Dylan and Summer were recently playing upstairs and shouted down to me, “Can we use the cup by your bed because Summer has the hiccups?”

I immediately envisioned her trying to drink backwards out of the cup and spilling the water everywhere. Since I was holding a twin and trying to eat a bowl of cereal at the time, I decided I could handle any potential water damage.

“Yes, you can use it. But please don’t spill water all over the place,” I yelled back up to them.

I never thought about Summer’s hiccups again.

Or the cup.

Until that evening when I was putting them to bed.

“We filled your cup with water from the toilet,” proclaimed Dylan.

“What?” I said. “You put water from the toilet bowl in my cup!!!?! That’s disgusting. You NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER take water from the toilet bowl. You could get very sick. Oh my gosh –  I drank from that cup all day.”

“Well, I washed it,” Dylan explained.

Somehow I didn’t feel better.

“I appreciate that but it just doesn’t matter. You can’t do that. I’m so grossed out. And wait – does this mean Summer drank from the toilet to get rid of her hiccups?”

“Yes. But it was Dylan’s idea,” Summer explained. I think Summer would be an excellent candidate for “Project Runway” with her ability to sacrifice team unity Gretchen-style in an effort to save herself.

“Oh Summer. Please don’t ever do that again. You could get so sick. Girls – I can’t talk about this anymore. I’m nauseous just thinking about this.”

Lesson learned way too late: Important to clarify to children that toilet bowl water is not suitable for drinking. I’m telling my 3 month-old twins right now so there is no confusion.

32 Responses to things i wish i didn’t know

  • Daphne says:

    We had occasion to make a “no diving into the toilet bowl” rule, but never a don’t drink it once you’re there. Glad you are schooling your children in the important things.

  • pharmgurhl says:

    classic! I once found my son licking water out of the dog bowl. He was 2 at the time. Not as bad as toilet water, but still makes my stomach twist.

  • kristen says:

    we just finished watching last week’s project runway…gretchen, yo, true colors aren’t a pretty shade!

    at least dylan washed your cup, let’s just hope it was with hot water and soap. xo

  • Kara says:

    Geez! I thought kids were born with the inate ability to know that toilet water is for what exits your body only. Going to go home and lay down the law tonight before my 2 year old spikes my drinks with toilet water!

  • Mama Fly says:

    Oh do I remember the days of four kids under 7 – you will survive. Now that it is four under 10 it is much easier! I usually found that breast feeding was the only time I actually spent with my newborn.

  • christy says:

    Freaking hysterical. On the bright side, you’ve made it through three months! I’ve made it through four, and that’s what I keep telling myself. ps I hope gretchen goes home SOON!

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    I thought ‘Toilet Water’ was something you sprayed on your body to smell good, and you buy it at the perfume counter. You can add to the old saying, ‘every child needs to eat their pound of dirt’…and also a ‘quart of toilet water’. I bet you’ll be cleaning out the toilet bowl more frequently now that you’re drinking from it.

  • Kandi says:

    The silver lining: your immune system just got a huge boost before flu season. Right???

    I’m off to tell my 5 year old your toilet water lesson. You just did us all a public service!

  • Ella says:

    yeah. (sigh)
    Perhaps it’s just a rite of passage?
    People used to ask me if my newborn and 15 month old toddler were twins.
    I’m serious.
    I’m all :”LOOK at them! one is a peanut! One is walking!”
    I suggest getting used to it, or (better) developing some quippy response that will shut people up.

  • Really?? I’ve been teaching my kids to be water buffalo and graze at the watering hole that is the toilet.

    That’s gross. My two year old is potty training and he insists on doing things like peeling away the toilet paper that clings to the inside of the wet bowl. I hiss and scream about the evils of ‘potty water’ but then I see him sticking his finger in his own urine stream. I realize I’m preaching to a very f*cked up choir.

  • Emily says:

    Mm. My youngest sister used to sit in the toilet. As in climb on up and plop yourself down for a nice little relaxation! Every chance she got, she ran for the toilet. I question our gene pool.

  • Meredith says:

    So gross! I would give my kids the toilet bowl water lecture but I’m worried I will just put the idea in their heads…

  • ErinB says:

    i love that heidi-even with her bad hair- is so into gretchen.
    this post was something I wish i didnt know either ..because I am pretty sure I had a glass of water at your house. though Rick got it for me so I am thinking I am safe??

  • Loukia says:

    Oh, no!
    My 5 year old told me the other day that’s it is no big deal to have to stick my hand in the toilet because the water in the toilet is as clean as the water that comes out of the sink. Just so you know, I had to stick my hand in the toilet to try to extract a rock that his 2 year old brother threw in causing a fight of epic proportions. No rock to be found. OF course, it was flushed down the toilet. Sigh.

  • layla solms says:

    run away to paris. now.
    our cat roams the house and drinks from our stray water glasses. how long did he do that before we caught him? i don’t even want to know.
    when i was a kid, we had a rabbit in the house. he used a litter box. and apparently he also drank from my step-mom’s water glass. maybe i should have told her.

  • Candice says:

    Okay- note on fridge… once baby learns to walk on her own- have the talk. Wasn’t really the talk I was worried about until I read your post. Aww but at least they were thoughtful enough to wash it out…. Hilarious. I love the Project Runway comment.

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kelcey kintner