Start a sentence and finish it 3 days later.
Go 60 mph when the speed limit is 75 mph on the highway.
When I’m off the highway, get a ticket for going too fast.
Brake because there are invisible cars in front of me.
Forget to brake when there is a car in front of me.
Insist on driving.
Order a Kir Royale (champagne and creme de cassis) at a sports bar and then wonder why they can’t make it correctly.
Leave the fridge open. For long extended periods of time. And when he tries to close it say, “Oh I’m not done in there.”
Talk to him about really important things like the settings on the DVR when he is behind a closed door in the bathroom. I don’t know why he doesn’t think it’s the perfect opportunity to chat about a few things.
Freak out when there is a lizard in our garage and demand that he absolutely, positively catch it because I can’t live with lizards jumping out at me when I’m home. (He does not catch it.)
Let out a loud gasp of horror and when he frantically asks me what is wrong, say, “Oh actually nothing.”
Utter the phrase, “I’m confused why you would do that” every time my husband does something a bit differently than I would and it doesn’t exactly go right.
Anything I do when he is hungry.