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there are some things about my husband i will never understand
My husband received a gift for his 40th birthday that has been sitting on our dresser.
See here it is….
Inside the bag is a book from Barnes & Noble that he wants to exchange.
So day after day goes by and Rick never touches it. Despite the fact that there are 777 Barnes & Noble stores throughout the U.S. that would gladly take the book back. Yes, that’s the real number.
One day, I can’t take it anymore because I find clutter simply maddening. So I pick the bag up and….
IT’S EMPTY.
EMPTY. EMPTY. EMPTY.
I hunt my husband down.
“Honey, I just found your empty gift bag on the dresser. If you returned the book, why did you just leave the bag there?” I ask him.
“I don’t know.”
“Why wouldn’t you throw it in the recycle bin?”
“I don’t know.”
Or put it in the closet with the other bags so we can reuse it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Seriously? You have no idea? No answers at all? I would just love to understand.”
“Nope. No answers. But if I come up with any answers, I’ll definitely let you know.”
Great. Totally look forward to that.
In other husband news… remember my sister’s husband Erik? For some reason that I can’t really remember, I always disguise his identity on this blog. Here he is with my mom’s dog Lilly (whose identity I obviously don’t protect and she probably resents me for it)…
Well, I found out this weekend that Erik refuses to eat any food that’s “not prepared with love.” For example, if he’s having a fight with my sister and she makes him a tasty pulled pork sandwich with a lovely, tangy BBQ sauce for lunch, he won’t eat it. Not one tiny bite.
He says he can’t. Because it’s not prepared with love.
Yes, seriously.
At least I know… there is NO WAY Rick would ever turn down a tasty pulled pork sandwich with a lovely, tangy BBQ sauce. Even if it was also stuffed with a little frustration and annoyance.
mama bird notes:
So far I’m really not digging the new LA-based “Project Runway.” I mean, what happened to those challenges where they make a bridal gown out of scrap metal? This season is so painfully dull so far. But I’ll tell you who’s not boring… Wendi Aarons. No, she’s not a “PR” contestant (although that’s obviously going to happen in the future). Actually, she writes hilarious “PR” recaps on Reality Roadkill. Her posts are way better than the show. If you whisper Tim Gunn’s name in your sleep, you must check it out.
On another note, September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness month. And you can actually do something. Seventh Generation will give $1 to Ovarian Cancer Research (up to $22,000) for every person that clinks on this link and signs up. I did it. It’s super quick and you can also watch funny girl Jessica Bern as “Aunt Flo.”
Final note… Do you have a problem? Why not let The Mouthy Housewives solve it? We’ve got nothing else to do. Send an email to ask@mouthyhousewives.com.
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Was he poisoned in a past life? I’m not sure even that would stop me from eating a pulled pork sandwich.
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Okay Erik, you have to get over the “made with love” thing. Does he ask people at the deli or restaurant server if his meal was made with love? I’d love to see that happen!
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I hate cooking every meal is made with frustration, annoyance and a splash of resentment.
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I will never, ever understand men, ever
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I wonder, if she told him to kiss her butt, he would do it since it was prepared with love?
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So when Erik goes to a restaurant, does he ask to see the chef to make sure he’s not in a bad mood? And I’m guessing he never eats fast food, ’cause the employees there are always in a pissy mood. Not that I can blame them, I would be too if my hair smelled like fried food all the time.
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men are weird. husbands are strange.
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Sooooo easy just to get rid of that empty bag…the hard part is taking care of the errand in the bag. They leave the easy part undone!!!
My husband opens the mail and then leaves piles of it seperated out, the recycle/trash pile drives me bonkers. Just finish that last little part.
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I love that Erik won’t eat loveless food but has no problem having dog ass on his face.
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I’m afraid for the future. If “putting the bag away” or “pick up your shoes” or “oh please, flush the toilet” end up being genetic flaws in males… I live with three (two little; one big). I was hoping incessant training would snap these boys out of creating clutter and mess, but if it’s in their genes, I am done for.
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AHH! My husband does that too (with the garbage laying around). Aggravating.
Also, your story of the food prepared with love made me laugh, and think of this site that my aunt seriously just emailed me today. The card titled “Emotions” is the one I’m reminded of. Check it out. hehehe. http://www.acrossthelinecards.com/main.sc
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My husband would never turn down a pulled pork sandwich either. But I admit, I’m loving project runway this year so far. I just love Tim and Heidi – they can do no wrong in my eyes!
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I obviously don’t know why you hide him either but for some reason, I love it!
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Food made with love? SERIOUSLY?!?!?! Wow! I thought MY husband was bad…but I get it. As for not recycling the bag…he did that so YOU’D feel useful….yeah, I didn’t buy that one when my hubs told it to me either…
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Does ordering take-out with love count?
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have you been watching Spongebob? There recently was an episode when Plankton entered Spongebob’s body to look for the Krabby Patty formula, and couldnt’ find it in his brain, because KP are made with love–it was in SB’s heart. Yeah I watch that show too much.
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Hahaha! Erik’s not the only husband who has wacky ideas like that! If we have an argument during the preparation of dinner, my husband has been known to spout, ‘Well, I can’t eat that food because it’s been poisoned by your negative vibes!’ …even though his ‘negative vibes’ are almost as close to the said prepared food as mine…
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Your brother in law would starve to death in my house… because if God forbid I AM cooking, I’m annoyed that I have to cook.
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so is erik like the wilson from home improvement–you see various parts of him, but never his face!!! by the way the dog is soooo cute
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I totally get Erik’s desire to eat food “made with love.” I’m a little concerned about his apparent willingness to perform unnatural sex acts on unsuspecting dogs.
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Erik’s “made with love” rule also applies to cooking. If he is not feeling the “love,” he won’t cook either. Since he’s the better cook in the family, this is way worse than him not eating my BBQ sandwich. He’s a nut, but a good nut.
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this made me laugh. So then, does he never eat out because I don’t even WANT to know what half of that food is prepared with. Maybe “payed for, with love” is also the exception???
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His answer is just like the type I give. I never know. I just do things. And don’t know why. Sign of brilliance?
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My husband does this with Starbucks and Dunin Donuts coffee cups and it DRIVES ME MAD!
He has no idea WHY he does it. But he does it.
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Project Runway sucks because there are so many more commercials. Which means less time watching contestants gripe and carp at each other.
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I agree with you on PR, and I blame LA…no Lifetime…wait, Lifetime and LA.
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So what your sayin is, all your sister needs to do to get out of cooking is say. “sorry honey, I’m just not feelin the love tonight!” ? Excellent!
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When your husband finds the answer, can he please speak to my husband? Because we have piles of “nothing” all over our house and every time I pick up one pile of “nothing,” another one appears somewhere else.
Also, Project Runway? I think Lifetime nixed the flavor from it because they’re a family friendly station. Just my wild-hair guess.
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Men are cut from the same cloth. That’s all I need to say.
Oh and I have a great cuban pulled pork recipe if you want it, I made it in the slowcooker, with love of course. And my girls loved it as well.
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My husband would starve.
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Hear hear for Wendi. Just discovered her project runway recap, way better than the actual show. I think I need to reset up my DVR to tape it anyway, since I missed the preggers one, good thing they play the same shows like 17 times.
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I cannot seem to pay attention to PR when it’s on. I’m just bored bored bored. Malvin was the only one on there I had any interst in after they got rid of space-granola-girl (I really wanted to see what else she had in her).
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Seriously, the dog’s private areas are on his face.
Okay, will definitely check out the Wendi’s reviews, even though I’m just grateful to have ANY PR/Tim time.
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seriously. i would never have to make dinner again.
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I wait until after my husband eats his sandwich to let him know it wasnt prepared with love, but rather a big boogie. Nothing’s better than a pulled boogie sandwich.
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I can’t even get into what a bizarre semi-organized slob my husband is… I think I’ll devote my “Friday Flashback” post to him. It’s a great tribute…to his pathological messiness.
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When I feel really bad, my husband will make me “egg with love” which sounds dirty, but it’s really just a fried egg. It tastes better because of the love, though.
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Does Quinn have any say about whether or not the food is prepared with love? Or, is Erik the only judge? Seems like it could potentially be pretty subjective. Great post!
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I think that you can tell Erik is a little off by the fact that he lets a dog sit on his face. I wouldn’t share my pulled pork with him that’s for sure.
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My mind is so boggled by the food made with love that I can’t even respond. Just, ummm, seriously? Wow.
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My husband is the EXACT same way: if we’re fighting, he will not eat what I make for him. It’s almost like he thinks I may have a) poisoned the food, or b) spit in it.
He knows me too well.
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My fiance is the complete opposite. I’m the one that gets yelled at if I forget an empty bag somewhere…
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