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Dec
16
2008

So after a two month hiatus, I finally went back to yoga class.

I got up at 6:15 in the morning and walked to the gym. In the dark. In the rain. In the cold.

But damn it, I got there. And the class started perfectly well.

Until smack in the middle of it, our yoga instructor suddenly stops and tells us all that a few days ago, she was hit by a car. Everyone just kind of stares at her.  And no one knows what to say because we are mid sun salutation and it’s just the oddest time to bring this up.

Many minutes go by as she gives us a detailed account of the accident. She was crossing the street. The car actually ran over her. She was between the wheels. Screaming for help. She is fortunate to be alive.

I am horrified.

And very guilty. Because I really want her to stop talking and continue the class. You know, in a very compassionate way.

I’m wondering if I can at least do some stretching while I listen to this super scary tale.

And then she says something that makes absolutely no sense.

“I want to do something different today. I guess because of the accident. I don’t know. So let’s partner up.”

OH NO! Please don’t punish us with a partner. We weren’t driving the car. I’m sorry about the accident. I’m so glad you are ok. PLEASE don’t do this. I’ll chauffeur you around. Anywhere you want to go. Just please don’t make me –

The guy next to me offers to be my partner.

No offense to my very nice partner but if I’m going to touch some random guy, I want to be single, drunk and in the dark.

But it’s done. I’m nowhere near the door. There is no exit. I am so Kevin Costner. There is simply no way out.

So we sit inches apart, holding hands and do this leg stretching thing.

And then a back stretch (yes, holding hands AGAIN).

And then the teacher instructs us to “thank” our partner and believe me, I am THANKFUL – that it’s over.

You know what really pisses me off?

I’ll just bet my partner is complaining to his co-worker right now about the yoga girl with the super sweaty hands or something.

See – this is why it’s so much easier to just not go to the gym in the first place.

mama bird notes

Marinka won the Radio City Christmas Spectacular tickets. Congrats girl!

Johanna and Stephanie (Tyler’s mom) won the Darius Goes West DVDs! Congrats mama birds. Just send your address to kelcey@mamabirddiaries.com and I will send the videos along.

tcp_logoThis week I’m giving away two $30 gift cards to The Children’s Place. This is a fabulous place to shop for kids. Super affordable and you can find some really cute stuff like darling pajamas and robes. Just leave a comment on the mama bird diaries this week and you are entered. Just mention your desperate desire for one of these gift cards so I know you are interested in the giveaway.


61 Responses to the yoga class

  • Pearl says:

    Ugh, I HATE partner yoga. There is a reason I do yoga rather than a team sport, h e l l o o o o o
    I used to have a yoga instructer who would refer to the womans “joyus monthly cleansing cycle” when starting the inverted poses. Barf. Not that I would rather he were hit by a car, but Im just sayin…

    Hey! Put me in that drawing for the gift card, Baby’s last “new” article of clothing came from a second hand store :/

  • Rhea says:

    Oh, man, I feel awful for your Yoga instructor, but good lord, I agree. No need to partner up with strangers. That’s sooo kindergarten…and awkward.

  • Kelli says:

    I feel bad for your yoga instructor, but making you partner up with a stranger, that’s just wierd! Your posts are so funny! I would like to be entered for your gift card drawing! Thanks.

  • rachel says:

    I’m mad at that unfortunate yoga instructor for you. And how does sweaty partner yoga in any way address her crappy luck?!

  • kristen says:

    oy, that would BUG! i’m so not into being friendly at the gym, which is why i prefer (when i’m actually going to the gym of course!) weight-lifting and those hamster training cardio machines.

    i hope you made note of the teacher, scratch her from your morning routine. (=

  • Diane says:

    You just confirmed it for me – now I know why I have never been to a Yoga class – and never will. You know, with 2 younger sisters that are oh so tired of big sister’s hand me downs, we can certainly use a gift card to that fantastically affordable store with high-quality, low price cute duds, The Children’s Place. Sign us up for the drawing!

  • Raz says:

    I actually had no idea you could ever do yoga in pairs. It SOUNDS awkward, let alone feels it. I hope you’re sufficiently recovered now!

  • Robin says:

    I want to say something witty but I’m all scrunched up at the keyboard because I didn’t do yoga, or I did some kind of f***d up yoga in my sleep and have a crick in my neck. If I do any yoga, it’s gonna have to be with my Wii trainer who couldn’t touch me if he wanted to…although that Wii guy is pretty hot.

  • wa says:

    I’m still traumatized from the time in preggo yoga class where we had to RUB EACH OTHER’S FEET. (And please never call yourself Kevin Costner. I like YOU.)

  • Robyn says:

    That’s like the uncomfortable moment in synagogue where they tell you to introduce yourself to the people standing near you. I came to PRAY not socialize! Dammit! Oops.

    (desperate desire for gift cards – done).

  • MN Mama says:

    I probably would have run out of class. I would have been so incredibly uncomfortable and awkward. Ugh! Yikes! I am so sorry you were not rewarded for your efforts for getting out of your apartment so early in the winter.

  • Jennifer H says:

    Robyn said what I was thinking. I hate that moment (in church) when they want you to greet your neighbors. Lots of shaking hands, which grosses me the heck out, right there and is the single most important reason I carry hand sanitizer…especially during cold season. I’m all, are you crazy Reverend?

    Now I’m terrified of going to yoga. Before, I was just reluctant. I’m grateful to you, very grateful.

  • Janna says:

    I’m impressed you can do yoga I went to a class once & it was so hard, I left 10 minutes later. But I didn’t have to touch anyone. :)
    And Abby needs new pj’s from Children’s Place, so please throw my name in the hat. Thanks!

  • mayberry says:

    I thought it was bad that the ladies in my yoga class are SO chatty. (I mean, hello, silent meditation over here…) But I’d rather listen to them yap than hold their hands!

  • amy says:

    Oh ugh… That is one reason why I can’t get myself to yoga. That and the fact that one of the last times I went, I had a completely immature giggling fit because there was a guy in my class who closely resembled a Hutt and he was chewing gum while breathing fire breath. Yoga is better without me.

  • myhouseof6 says:

    thanks for making my treadmill and my dingy basement seem all the better. i may have gotten in a car and tried to hit her if she pulled that crap.
    just kidding, of course.

  • Nicole says:

    That’s too funny. I think that maybe she suffered some minor brain injury. My hubby is a PI attorney if she needs some help. I’d love to win the gift cards, by the way — my kids love the cargo pants.

  • Tanya says:

    yuck… I think I would have tried to run for the door, that’s too weird touching strangers, especially that early in the morning. I’ll be unemployed per January 09, would love that gift card for my 3 year old.

  • Elizabeth says:

    So my acrobatic prowess was not enough to score those tix but my kids would love to actually get something with a tag on it so I’ll try again. I was thinking the same thing as Nicole–maybe the woman suffered a head injury. Or PTSD. Why would she announce that mid-salutation?????

  • Jami says:

    I like people, when I am doing people oriented things, not when it involves another person’s sweat. Eww. Next time, pretend you are having a sneezing fit, quickly excuse yourself and DON’T GO BACK.

    Changing tunes: Gift cards, ftw!

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    How come she wasn’t at the hospital or chiropractor kvetching and ‘making a case’ for the up-coming lawsuit? Can there be one person in NYC who lives their life not trying to ‘get something for nothing’ all the time? Speaking of ‘something for nothing’, those baby clothes would look good on Lila Drew and her big sister Ava Dava.

  • EW says:

    Reminds me of a hilarious SNL segment (back when I could stay up late enough to watch). Does the Children’s Place card come with time to shop???

  • johanna says:

    ICK! I’d boycott her class after the mandatory hand holding with a strange man. He is probably bragging about his morning touch time with you though :) Love TCP…a gift card would be great!

  • Shannon (Shades of Shannon) says:

    I intentionally let my membership lapse in the winter because the gym I like is 30 minutes away and the roads where I live are treacherous when snow covered. All that to say that I actually missed the Arc trainer and running so much that I recently broke out my old Tai Bo tapes to do at home. I finished the hour long workout and thought- man, that wasn’t much of a workout at all. . .he he he- until I woke up the next morning and could barely climb the stairs my butt hurt so bad! And, I would love a chance to win the Children’s Place gift cards- my kids are constantly outgrowing their clothes at a record pace. Thanks.

  • MN Mama says:

    By the way, I did not mention in my earlier post that I would totally love a gift card to Children’s Place. What mom wouldn’t?

  • ErinB says:

    wait…no pic of kirbys abs? oh what? he wasnt in this post? how about a pic of kevins abs?
    …always such the supportive reader :-}

  • Andi says:

    Oh, I HATE being partnered up with a stranger. Why do people think that’s such a team-building exercise?? I cannot tell you how many meetings/seminars/workshops I have been to where I have to become BFFs with the person next to me and ohmygod it does not end fast enough. I’m a pretty social person, but I don’t like being forced to be friendly with people I don’t know. Ugh.

  • Diana says:

    OMG, your honesty cracks me up! I would totally think the same thing!
    Oh, and I would comment without the gift card bribe, but it’s actually one of the few things you offer that we have up here in the frozen tundra!!! So sign me up!

  • Betsy says:

    Funny. It is easier to just not work out.
    We’d love the gift card. Samanta’s pants were about three inches too short this morning, and I can’t blame it all on dryer shrinkage.

  • Vicki Tripp says:

    I enjoy reading your blog each day. Your daughters are adorable! Please enter me in the Children’s Place giveaway. My girl needs some new warm pjs!

  • Jodie says:

    Wow… I have never been to a Yoga class but that sounds awful. I don’t blame you for being annoyed – I would be, too!

    I’d like to enter for the Children’s Place gift certificate. I have a two-year-old who needs some new threads, stat.

  • Jodi says:

    So funny (but not about her getting hit by car)!

    Would love the children’s place g/c…..poor Jacob never gets anything new b/c we’ve got a lot of friends w/older boys so he is the hand me down king:)

  • lucy says:

    so not funny at the time i am sure but reading this was hilarious! (not the accident – the touching) they really should warn you before class if there is to be awkward touching or not! right?

  • Kristin Kutscher says:

    Kudos for getting up early and working out. And I bet your yoga partner was bragging to his co-workers about the hot chick in yoga class that he got to partner up with! Please enter me in the Children’s Place gift card giveaway.

  • No, no, no. No partners, ever, in anything. I am completely anti-partner and have been since 8th grade when Brad Faulker did NOT do his part in our partner-up project and I had to do it all. Imagine how I’d hate partners how if I’d had to hold hand with him, on top of it all.

    *

    But what I do love? The Children’s Place, of course! Consider me on the list. :)

  • I usually don’t go to the gym due to crotch sweat. But yoga partners are bad too.
    Have you ever done the thing where you have to balance the partner on your hands and feet and make uncomfortable close quarters eye contact for what seems like eons?

    Why do yoga instructors encourage us to get to know others? It’s so new age and annoying.

  • Oz says:

    I go to the gym to ignore people. Even when I’m in a class, I want to pretend I’m in my own, solitary bubble where no one will demand Cheerios or ask if I remembered to call the vet.

  • Aimee says:

    OH NO SHE DIDN’T? Partners? UGH.
    I had to laugh while reading…I could just picture you looking for an escape route–YIKES…so not cool.

    As for the gift card—Children’s Place Pj’s are the only thing Rylan will wear–so count me IN! :-)

  • That’s why I don’t exercise in public. You are soooo brave! Ok I’m in on Children’s Place gift certificates–Mackenzie is growing like a weed! And for being only 2 she has significant clothing issues!!

  • Tammy says:

    Now I remember why I don’t like going to the gym, I like meeting people but having to meet them is something completely different.

    Also I would like to enter to win the Children’s place cards but not for me, for a friend who is a single mom who just had a child and could use it more than I can.

  • Lanie says:

    I am hoping to get back to yoga one of these days but NOT partner yoga. Sorry about that but I am glad that you made it to class. Great post! :-)

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