My mother has been terribly concerned about my well being.
She is worried that I may be suffering from some kind of “post election withdrawal” like this girl.
I assured her that I am completely fine.
But now, I think, she worries that I am suffering from “post election withdrawal denial.”
A slightly different but still serious disorder. I’m totally not. Seriously, I’m not.
I am actually feeling very hopeful and calm these days.
Except at the supermarket.
Because as you might remember, my daughter has a pension for pooping at the grocery store.
Every single week at Whole Foods, Dylan announces that she has to poop.
And it’s always at the hot prepared foods section.
Why is that exactly?!
So I have to immediately get a Whole Foods employee to escort us to the bathroom in the back, do the whole pooping production with Dylan and then convince Summer that yes, she truly does want to be buckled back into the shopping cart. And as Summer whimpers, it’s back to the hot prepared foods section to finish our order.
At this point, we’ve gone to the bathroom so many times at Whole Foods, that I try to seek out new employees to escort us to the back. What if the workers start to think that I have some kind of weird disorder where I won’t let my kids poop at home?
And why doesn’t Whole Foods in Chelsea have a normal, public bathroom? You know, one you can visit WITHOUT AN ESCORT.
Once, I actually revolted against the Whole Foods buddy system and went back there without my fancy escort and they totally yelled at me.
Look, I don’t need that kind of grief. I’m just trying to buy some organic, locally grown, trade free, guilt free, plastic bag free, environmentally friendly, paraben free, SPF 30 groceries. Hmm… I think that’s the Whole Foods promise. Something like that anyway.
So yes mom, as you can see, even without the poll checking, phone banking and campaign obsessing…my life is still full and meaningful.
Really, I promise.