1. That I’m not the only one who tries to get in the wrong car during school pick-up. This past week I am buckling Summer into the third row of our minivan when a woman opens the door, gets into the driver’s seat and shuts the door.
At this point – I sort of panic. I know I’m not being carjacked because carjackers don’t wear tennis skirts. But am I in the wrong car? No, I had just opened it with my keys. Once I mentally confirm that I am in the correct Toyota Sienna, I say, “Excuse me, but I think you’re in the wrong car.”
She then looks back at me and I-swear-to-God-says… “You’re right because I don’t have this many children.” And then she sort of sits there for a moment because she’s either shell shocked or because she loves the smooth silkiness of the leather interior. She finally exits the vehicle and I can only assume went to locate of her own gold minivan.
2. If you can’t get your 6 year-old to go in the pool during her weekly swim lesson, then go to Whole Foods instead. I decided this past week that my dad should take Dylan to her swim lesson while I went grocery shopping because I simply couldn’t take another episode of, “Pay for a lesson while Dylan sits by the edge of the pool and I fume.” And guess what? She went in the water!
Of course, she still whined and carried on but the swim instructor basically just pulled her into the pool. (Not so far off from my idea to push her in. More proof that I should write a parenting book with great chapters like, “Make Grandparents Deal with Your Frustrating Children!” and “My Kids Learned the Butterfly while I Shopped for Avocados).
3. That if you and your husband go out on a night that is do or die for his beloved Phillies in the National League Championship, he will spend 91% of the time watching the game. And the other 9% talking about the game.
4. That if you go to the Big Apple Circus in NYC (Yes, the tickets were free. Yes, the show rocks. My girls just loved it.) and one of your 5 month-old twins has been constipated, it is virtually guaranteed that previously mentioned twin will have a poop explosion during the second act.
5. That if you carve a pumpkin and put it on your front steps, squirrels and rabbits will eat its face off. That will make the 6 year-old who carved it kind of cranky.