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Oct
18
2019

I was recently watching a video of Rick and me – just before the birth of our first child Dylan. My friend Margo is filming and our dog Martini is going nuts mostly because she was nuts.  We were on the edge of the craziest journey of a lifetime – parenthood. I watched that video several times looking for a moment. A clue. A something.

And I did the same when thinking about our wedding day. That exact moment I walked down the aisle at the Yale Club to Canon In D major. Was there a moment of regret? Of hesitation? Of anything?

There wasn’t.

I’ve never been more certain. Rick and I met in 1996. It was the early days of Fox News Channel. Damn, who was that hot boy in the newsroom? We went on one date. It was incredibly perfect the way some first dates can be.

But life pulled us in different directions and we ran into each other four years later. It was on the steps of the Stamford, Connecticut courthouse stairs. We were both covering the same murder trial.

Rick asked me on a second date. I agreed. Within 2 months, I had moved in with him. I knew this guy was it. It only took 2 months. Well, four years and two months.

Life is crazy. The way it seems to take forever and rush by at the same time. How did we get here, joined by five kids yet so torn apart? So how does a marriage fall apart?

I can only describe it as a million moments that somehow don’t go the right way. And you don’t really see it happening until it’s somehow beyond repair. Rick and I have been together for 19 years. I refuse to see that as a failure.

Rick introduced me to the beautiful religion of Judaism which will forever be a part of me and my children’s lives. He forever tied me to his gregarious, loving, boisterous family. He made this Connecticut girl truly appreciate the Jersey shore.

He will forever be an intricate part to some of the most wonderful days of my life… living in the west village where we walked city streets, ate at amazing restaurants, wore trendy leather pants and were pretty much the coolest we will ever be (other than that phase of the leather pants).

He taught my impatient self to take the time to really get to know people – from the doorman to the guy that works at the deli.

And he gave me the greatest gift of my life… five enormously well behaved, always polite and incredibly neat children. Or something like that.

If you had told me Rick and I would be one of those couples who wouldn’t make it, I would never have believed you. We wouldn’t end up like Brenda and Eddie. We were invincible.

But it turns out, we weren’t. And we can’t find our way back.  It’s painful. And it isn’t easy. Not for me. Not for our kids. Not for our families.

But all of this does not negate what we built and what we have. It doesn’t take away that moment when Rick proposed on the roof of our building, in front of sweeping views of Central Park. It doesn’t take away the moment I said yes. Because even though I had trepidations about this lofty marriage thing, I didn’t have trepidations about Rick. I said yes in an instant and we forged onto the future.

I ask that you support us in this incredibly difficult process of “conscious uncoupling.” Especially if we promise to not use that phrase. Rick and I are forever tied and our lives will continue together in many ways.

I don’t know what a “successful marriage” means.  I do  know that I did the very best I could and I know Rick would say the same. Maybe some couples are meant forever and some couples aren’t. I really don’t know. I do know that what we had was love. And it was real. And for that I am truly grateful.

 


28 Responses to the story of what happened to us

  • Brandice Bringhurst says:

    Wow, I am so sorry. The end of a marriage is heartbreaking, no matter the circumstances. I wish you both the best, and your darling, well-behaved kids, as well. I have loved following your story and hope it will continue. Thank you for sharing.

  • Jessica Markos says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this. I too, have just started the “uncoupling” process with my husband of 22 years and it’s hard and painful and sad, even after I found out about some unfaithfulness off and on over the past two years. I too, would not have thought we would be one of those couples that wouldn’t last, even though we got married young. But I know in my heart that I could not live with a man who could do what he did. It is a hard process to be going through.

  • LJ says:

    Kelcey, I’m so sorry, I know how hard this is. I know that you’re in the midst of it, but I’m way on the other side and it will be okay, you’ll be okay and your kids will be okay.
    My ex and I have been divorced for 35 years, our 3 kids were under the age of 6 at the time. We worked hard to have a good divorce and never put them in the middle. We have 4 grandkids now and our whole family (including my ex’s wife) gets together for family birthdays, etc.
    You’ll all get through this and you’ll show your kids that you can care for someone, respect them, and want the best for them, but still not want to be married to them. You’ll show them that they deserve to be in a relationship that makes them happy, even if they don’t see that now, even if they just want things to stay exactly the same, because that’s how kids are.
    Again, I’m so very sorry and I’ll be thinking of your family.❤️

  • Debra Forrest says:

    Kelcey, I’m truly touched by your story and can clearly relate. You have a beautiful family and will definitely find a new rhythm. Thinking of you, Rick and the kids 🤗

  • Elissa says:

    I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been going through a tough time. I’ve missed your witty blogs and hope there will be more when you’re ready.

  • George says:

    Wow, gob smacked here. So sorry for this. I have followed you both from the beginning . Your posts always made me laugh and I’ve always loved Rick from his anchoring in NY to following him on Twitter in Florida.
    Life has other plans for you now. Be well and I hope this isn’t the end of your blogging.

  • jill sherman says:

    We are sad for you all Kelcey. I know you will get your 5 amazing kids through this. Hoping you and Rick find happiness. We have been thinking about all of you and continue to send strength and love…

  • Rhonda Sparks says:

    Kelsey, I’m really sorry. I have no doubt you and Rick will manage through this ‘uncoupling’ thing with flying colors. You are both intelligent, capable, intellectual humans that both have deep love for your kiddos. Give yourself grace through the process and know that it takes time to ‘redefine’ yourself. Sending so much love to you through the cyber waves. Xoxo

  • Debbie Botwin says:

    Kelsey, I’m so sorry. My heart hurts for all of you. It’s a process, but you will get through it. Thinking about you and sending hugs and good thoughts.Thank you for sharing your story. I have missed your blogs and hope you’ll continue to write when things settle down.

  • Georgia Salaverri says:

    I am truly saddened to hear this news. I admire you both very much, especially for how you are raising your children. My prayers for having strength and finding happiness are with all 7 of you.

  • E says:

    I have never considered my marriage a failure even though it ended. Divorce is a sad end to a powerful chapter, not a personal failing. We all do our best and it doesn’t always work out. I wish you strength getting through. I hope it’s of some comfort to say I’ve gotten through and thrived. May you remain friends and mutual supports.

  • Rob Stewart says:

    I love you Kelsey. Like gets broken, and through it all, the most beautiful light will shine through. Light shines into us through the places broken open. Stained glass is a bunch of beautiful pieces of color put together – differently – but more beautiful than even before. Beautiful, when light hits the messy mosaic of stained glass – that is now seen as a masterpiece.

  • Susan Kintner says:

    This is beyond beautiful, touching and sad. You are an amazing writer and on a journey with a wonderful family and supported by all your families and friends. You and Rick will always be connected and I hold all of you in my heart. I love you honey, mom

  • Awww. Am sorry to read this, but, like most of your posts, your genuine heart comes through. Life is hard sometimes. Ebb and flow. I hope you can keep your humor and positivity through it all. You’ll both be just fine. Together or apart. Time will work out the kinks. It always does. xxoo

  • Lis says:

    I’m sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I’m sending you many good thoughts for a peaceful uncoupling and a happy life.

    And if it helps at all…I’ve been there. We were the perfect couple with the perfect family until inexplicably we weren’t any more. The process was tough. There were many days when I just wanted to get in my car and drive right out of my life. But we all made it through. My ex and I are both far happier than if we’d stayed together. We both re-married very happily. I grew an interesting career after being a stay-at-home mom for 15 years. The kids are well-adjusted adults. We all get along swimmingly and share holidays and family dinners. I promise you – life will get better.

    • Kelcey, I’m so sorry to hear this. What I do love is how you celebrate and recognize what you did accomplish and what a success you had together. It does not come across as a failure, instead an end to a good thing – a recognition of all the good you built. It also sounds like you maintain a tone of mutual respect – still- and I hope that carries you through. Thanks for sharing such a powerful post and perspective.

  • Pauline Bevier says:

    Heartbroken for you and your family. Thank you for sharing this. I know that it cant’ be easy. Thinking of you all.

  • I am so sorry to hear this! Give yourself time to grieve, because no matter how conscious the uncoupling is, divorce is like a death – a death of dreams, of relationships, of your marriage. You need to honor that, to make room for whatever new life lies ahead. God bless!

  • Jennifer Hochschild says:

    Beautiful and heartbreaking. You’re an amazing writer, mom, and daughter. Thinking of you and wishing you all the love and strength in the world during this time. xo

  • Yvr says:

    I feel your pain! And honestly, you sharing your story has actually helped me make sense of and accept my own recent separation. So thank you. Sending you love and positive vibes to help you through this difficult time.

  • Jeneen says:

    I’m so sorry to hear of what you and your family have been going through. Wishing you all healing as you move to the next chapter.

  • Doug Taylor says:

    I would differ with these opinions. Step back and really analyze and look for the good and not the bad things to focus on. We can always find the bad if we look. If you can write that this person was so special and still is but that you are comfortable moving on then I would say b*llsh** and that you should think again. Writing a piece like this for the world to see and make it sound how great you are going to handle this doesn’t make any sense to me. It says you never really loved and wanted out for years which is fine but don’t make it sound all nice and cuddly. A family is breaking up and that will forever impact you, your husband and your kids lives forever. Things may work out in the end who knows but please know that it will be so very hard for years to come. I only say this as a person who divorced two years ago after 32 years due to issues that aren’t the catastrophic kind, yet agreed to a divorce knowing it wasn’t the best for our family and it hasn’t been. No one is happier and there is just a deep sense of loss that is very hard to deal with. Kids in their mid-20s struggle just as much as young kids. I so wish someone would have said something to me and my spouse when we were contemplating this and not tried to sugarcoat that everything will work out okay. Most times it isn’t. Yes we move on and survive but its such a different reality. So you can write about how great it’s going to be but there are some dark days ahead but if there aren’t then you never really had the right love. Just my 2 cents worth but I wish you and your family strength and courage as you proceed through this.

  • Kristen says:

    19 years of marriage and 5 wonderful kids is a success. An ending is not a failure, it is just the turning of a new chapter. Success is moving into the new co parenting relationship you have now with continued respect for each other. Wish you the best, and time for healing.

  • Mary C says:

    Beautiful tribute! Indeed, together you built a lovely life with full of cherished memories, shared experiences, and five children. That will always be there, even as your lives diverge. Wishing you all the best during the period of transition.

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