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I’m headed to San Francisco this week for BlogHer. I’m super excited to go to this awesome blogging conference except that I’m totally panicked. I just get very stressed about flying across the country and leaving my kids.

I don’t know why I am so freaked out on planes. Usually, a glass of wine can calm me a bit but my flight is at 10 am. See the problem? You can’t really order booze at 10 am without looking like some kind of desperate, pathetic lush. Or if you can, please tell me how.

And it just gives me anxiety to leave my children. I know I don’t control their destiny but I, at least, like to be around to make sure their faces are wiped and their snack box is filled. And you know, to check that their little bodies are inhaling and exhaling in deep slumber before I climb into bed myself.

Loving people more than yourself can be a real bitch.

Nobody told me this before I had a kid. I heard about the crying, the price of preschool and the stains on the furniture. But not one single person mentioned how amazingly hard it would be to let go – to trust my beautiful, crazy, lovable, insanely perfect daughters are ok, even when I’m not with them.

Plus, other things have been going on that I just can’t blog about. But the past week was tremendously difficult and it all gave me a truckload of stress. Yoga is one of the ways I re-center and snap myself out of a funk.

But it can’t be sleepy, meditative yoga. It needs to be high impact, athletic yoga.

So I tried a new yoga class at Equinox gym this weekend and the teacher was just maddening. He talked way too much and barely had us moving. After 40 minutes, he stopped us all together and said, “We are now going to partner up and learn how to breathe into our backs.”

Oh annoying yoga dude, are you friggin’ serious?!

Maybe I’ve lived in New York City too long but I definitely didn’t want to be touching anyone in that class (although I’m sure they are super nice people and I mean them no disrespect). And I absolutely didn’t want to spend any more of my limited gym time – LEARNING HOW TO BREATHE INTO MY BACK.

So I walked out of the class.

And headed for the Arc Trainer cardio machine.

In my flip flops. Cause that’s all I had.

And I didn’t give a crap.

I pounded away on that Arc Trainer for 30 minutes in flip flops, despite tripping and almost falling off twice. But that may have been partly due to my obsessive focus on “The E! True Hollywood Story of Heath Ledger.”

After I finished, I felt better. Not about the tragedy of Heath but you know, overall.

I may have even felt a little breathing in my back. Whatever that means exactly.

53 Responses to the san francisco stress

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    Kelcey dahling….you’re coming to my part of the woods; give a hollar and I’ll take you to lunch/dinner and let you shower in my house and run out all the hot water (NOT).

  • I love yoga, but I do hate it when they make us do partners.

    Can I go instead? I guarantee I won’t stress one bit. Granted, my kids will be living on potato chips and hotdogs all week; but there are worse things that can happen.

  • Damselfly says:

    Oh! You’re going. That’s great!

    I am a terrible flyer. I have been known to get prescription drugs just to get on a plane. Plus you can save a few pills for later. πŸ˜‰

  • kristen says:

    i really like you lady.

    dude, i am with you on flying – i hate it and have to medicate. even early in the am which i don’t like to do, but it’s unpleasant for everyone around me if i don’t.

    i especially hate leaving my family.

    i leave at 8am i think – we can send each other good flying thoughts k?

    if i do yoga, it’s moving. i don’t want chanting and i seriously don’t want touching – good for you that you walked out. even better that the E show was on while you were there. usually i end up with the rock of love.

  • Aimee says:

    I wish I was going to Blog Her…(bummer)
    Then I could miss my kid and not complain so much that he is acting all TWO.
    Kids are a part of you that ran off and left your body and you spend your lifetime worrying and wrangling your body part in to make sure it will continue to function correctly.
    It is a bitch.
    BUT the best bitch I have ever known.
    Being a mom ..there isn’t anything comparable.
    Can I get an Amen?

  • Cathy says:

    I hate flying now that I have kids. I get so paranoid when my husband flies and leaves us at home. Good for you walking out of the lame yoga class that wasn’t helping you relieve stress. πŸ™‚

  • Shannon says:

    No advice to offer you on the flying- I’d be in the same boat. It sounds like a fun trip though ( : I hear SF is a great place to visit.

    Sorry you had a rough week, too. I try to live by the mantra ‘wear the world as a loose garment’- but some days (or weeks) it’s easier said than done.

    My running partner introduced me to the Arc trainer this past January and I’m loving it- I wish I could afford a home unit though, because it seems like the only thing I use at the gym anymore!

  • Madge says:

    this is all i have to say to you about he flying — it’s 5 o’clock somewhere. right? right?


    you have small children. you’ve got to have some benedryl or something in the house. just take like 1/4 cup or something.

    see, wine at 10:00 sounds pretty good doesn’t it

    have a wonderful time, sorry for the stressful weekend.

  • Rene says:

    I am so with you on the loving someone else more than yourself thing. DS will be 18 on Wednesday and I know it’s just a matter of time when it’s not me leaving him but rather him leaving me. It hurts horribly but I know it’s a normal part of life. Good luck in SF and try not to be too stressed — hang everyone and order that wine anytime you want! Besides as the song says…”It’s 5:00 somewhere”…

  • Jacki says:

    I LOVE flying…I always find it exciting.

    And breathing into your back?? Ummm…why do people make up stuff like that? It doesn’t make them sound particularly smart.

  • izzy's mama says:

    How brave. I have still never left my child and he is 5! As for breathing into your back, we have to do it in Pilates all of the time and I absolutely detest it!

    Good luck on your flight!

  • Lia says:

    We can cry over out babies together. I am feeling really guilty about going even though I bitch and complain that I need to get away.

  • Di says:

    At 10 a.m. you act all carefree and celebratory and order a mimosa!

    (Sorry if you already got this, but I have an intermittent signal and I can’t tell if it went through…and it is SO important!)

  • Maggie says:

    go to a liquor store and get one of those tiny bottles of Amaretto to hide in your carry-on bag. then ask for orange juice (with ice) on the plane, sneak the amaretto into it….. oh so smooth.

  • Madmad says:

    Oh, I’m so with you on all of this – I don’t like the talking yoga either. Let’s do something or get out of here, I can breathe at home, people! And the leaving your kids thing. It is hard. But they will be fine, and you will be showing them that you are important, too, which is a much better lesson than I taught mine by sitting here all day, trust me on that. Have a wonderful time, take good notes and make sure to tell us all about it.

    Oh! And once you’re in the air, 10 a.m. will really be three hours later – if you pretend the 10 is California time. So you’re that much closer to drinking time. Or, sub Benadryl or Dramamine, and just conk out.

    And I hope the rest of your stuff got better!

  • JoLynn says:

    I know how you feel, I think ALL us Mom’s do!!!! It’s so hard leaving, it’s one thing if you work full time and have to travel but to be a stay-at-home Mom really make’s it hard!!! You won’t know what to do with yourself!! But knowing you, you’ll find something!!! And about the wine-who give’s a crap what time it is-just tell the truth and the flight attendant’s will understand-or have a “Bloody Mary” arn’t those morning cocktail’s?

  • Becky says:

    The kiddos will be fine and you will have a blast at Blogher. So jealous.
    and screw the judgments. Have TWO glasses of wine on the plane. If someone looks at you weird look them straight in the eye and say “Really, it’s the only way I can truly breathe through my back.”
    That’ll shut them up!

  • Cat says:

    I hate chatty Yoga instructors. I started yoga in high school, it was that or field hockey (again) so I took yoga. Now I’m in my 40’s and it’s been long enough that I know what I like, I don’t care for patronizing asses or Enya when I’m doing yoga.
    Good luck at the conference, wish you were closer and we could get together.

    Safe travels!
    Have you tried “Calm Forte” for flying?
    I think it’s homeopathic, but it could be herbal. Worked like a charm for me.

  • Alexis says:

    I am new to Mama Bird, I love this posting. I travel for work and hate to leave my baby birds (3 and 5). The worry never subsides BUT I have even accepted, they will have beef jerky and ice cream for dinner with their dad and my daughter will likely wear her bathing suit under her clothes everyday that I am gone.

  • Melisa says:

    People that get nervouse when flying have always intrigued me. Maybe you could do a post about that and go into detail? Also if you need a glass of wine at 10 a.m. the airline will gladly sell it to you. Have you seen the price of gas? And if you are flying out of NY, more than likely by the time you get in the air it will be closer to noon than you think!

    I want to love yoga, but never feel like I am doing it right.*sigh*

    Have a great trip!

  • Erin says:

    First, so cool you are so lucky to travel for blogging! How I would love that and I’ve always wanted to go to San Fran! Though it’s hard to leave your kids, I think when I do get some time away, which isn’t very often, it makes me appreciate and love her even more. Oh to get a break and go to CA. And I totally agree with you about yoga. Don’t like that s.l.o.w. meditative yoga, I love love the upbeat athletic yoga. If it isn’t physically challenging I don’t want to go. I hope things are a little less stressful for you and maybe when you get back you will feel better. Enjoy your trip!

  • You walked out? I am so impressed. We’ve been up at our cottage for the summer, so I, too, am in a new yoga environment, but when the teacher told us to “partner up” last week, even though my entire being was shouting, “What?!?!.” I just did what I was told.

    You’ll be fine on the plane. Just don’t walk out!

    Have fun!

  • Kristen says:

    I think it has been a while since you have been on an a.m. flight. You would not be alone in your order. However, that being said, I agree with Maggie to a point. But I would through in some vodka and have a bocce ball instead. http://cocktails.about.com/od/.....e_ball.htm

    I once started bocce balls in the Dallas airport, continued on in the Phoenix airport for a flight diversion and finished in Reno. Flying was never so much fun…

    See you on Thursday night??

  • Jennifer H says:

    First of all, order a mimosa or a bloody mary…morning drinks, right?

    Then order one more.

    You and your children will be fine. You will miss them, and they will miss you. But they will have a some great Daddy time, and you will have some fantastic girl time with all the lucky-ass bloggers who get to go to BlogHer.

    Wait, did I just start whining? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I did.

    Sorry. πŸ™‚

  • Daphne says:

    I’m with you. No one else knows exactly how to check for middle of the night breaths, but they manage to do just fine, even if it means jelly on the face and pjs at the playground…And mommy will come back more energized to be with them, so they really win out.

  • misty says:

    I am really sad that I am not going as you would most certainly have been on the top of my “people to meet at Blogher” list!
    Sad day…

    And I am so with you on the whole “things we can’t write about on the blog.” We are in the same stupid, stress filled boat. The good news (at least in re: to the boat) is that we can drink, regardless of the time of day it is. Know why? Because if your blogless crap is anything like mine, we’ll be on this damn boat for good long while.
    We can do drunken yoga to cope…
    Which reminds me, thanks for mentioning yoga. While drowning in my stress, it never occurred to me and i LOVE yoga.
    Have fun, enjoy the San Francisco Fog!

  • shay says:

    Well, I’ve never done yoga and I’m not from NY but I totally get the need for hard core cardio to de-stress AND I don’t want to touch anyone while doing it!

    Have a wonderful trip!

  • motherbumper says:

    Ask for your wine in a sippy cup, no one will be the wiser, don’t think about the kids b/c they are going to be fine (it is way easier than you think), and see you in SF baby!

    btw – I would never EVER touch anyone in my yoga class – and I’m Canadian.

  • francine Kasen says:

    Hey Kelc, I have been told by a very reliable source that “the Red Door” is a great chinese restaurant in SF. We missed out on it when last there, so maybe you could go and give me a detailed description of all the dishes! Thanks! F

  • Mum-me says:

    So who checks that your children are wiped, fed and breathing while you are working out at the gym?

    Seriously, you are so lucky to have a week away without having to do all that. I know you still worry, but try to enjoy!!

  • Kia says:

    Oh wow. I totally get the bit about letting go of our kids. Nobody told me about that part, either. Well, maybe they did, but I didn’t believe them.

    I hope you have a great time in SF!

  • Karen Bland says:

    I LOVED to travel before kids – I actually looked forward to taking off and landing – I couldn’t get out of town enough. That was BK (before kids) – Now that we are into AK, I am a complete freak about flying. You are right – NO ONE tells you this stuff. And I agree with your yoga comments – it’s not just New York babe. Sometimes the yogis just lose sight of reality and it usually takes an electronic-based exercise machine to come back down to my earth:) Try Bikram.

  • Nap Warden says:

    I totally know what you mean about traveling…I feel like I need to be around for the next…oh, forever…to raise my babies. I had no idea I could feel this way.
    You will have a blast at Blogher. Have a drink for me:)

  • Megan says:

    Have a screwdriver or bloody mary on the am flight since they are morning/brunch drinks. Remember flying is safe! I tried to do the elliptical with flip flops because yoga was cancelled, but I was kicked out of the gym by an employee who spotted my inappropriate footwear. I know you’ll miss your girls, but the welcome home reunion will be something to look forward to. I was away for 2 hours today and my girls gave me the best welcome home. It was great to see you this past week. Enjoy SF and I hope you have a better week.

  • calikim says:

    Living here, I believe the restaurant Francine is speaking of is “the Slanted door” Its a Asian/cali fusion place. I think red door is a cheep perfume you can buy in Longs!!!

    Anyway, its on the water @ the ferry building. Great food, great bar. Doesn’t look like you are near the water though. DAMN!!! Wish you were here more than a couple days. : (

  • Rhea says:

    No one can prepare you for parenting completely, no matter what they tell you, because, like you said, you just can’t imagine what you will FEEL for these children.

    I love flying but leaving my children makes me anxious. Not as much as it used to…I’m getting better about it now that they’re a little older, but it still freaks me out.

    Awesome story about walking out of yoga. lol

  • E says:

    A few short days ago I would have scoffed at your nerves and told you to go have a blast. But I just got stuck in Bermuda during a hurricane, unable to get home to my kids, and my free-wheelin’ travel days just may be behind me. Hope your trip is smooth and super fun. Just get some booze mixed discreetly with coffee.

  • Sara says:

    Have fun!

    I’m thinking of signing up for a yoga class. But I’m worried about a scenario like you just described. My work out time is limited and I just don’t have the patience for crap like that.

    I need a “Get Down to Business” yoga class…

  • Shannon (Cole Mine) says:

    I feel the same way about leaving my little guys…Especially when it involves airplanes…I hope you have a blast at the conference – and I’m sending you “hang in there” vibes from CO…

  • Becky says:

    I don’t remember early morning drinking being an issue during Mardi Gras…. gotta go for the bloody mary!!

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kelcey kintner