I’m headed to San Francisco this week for BlogHer. I’m super excited to go to this awesome blogging conference except that I’m totally panicked. I just get very stressed about flying across the country and leaving my kids.
I don’t know why I am so freaked out on planes. Usually, a glass of wine can calm me a bit but my flight is at 10 am. See the problem? You can’t really order booze at 10 am without looking like some kind of desperate, pathetic lush. Or if you can, please tell me how.
And it just gives me anxiety to leave my children. I know I don’t control their destiny but I, at least, like to be around to make sure their faces are wiped and their snack box is filled. And you know, to check that their little bodies are inhaling and exhaling in deep slumber before I climb into bed myself.
Loving people more than yourself can be a real bitch.
Nobody told me this before I had a kid. I heard about the crying, the price of preschool and the stains on the furniture. But not one single person mentioned how amazingly hard it would be to let go – to trust my beautiful, crazy, lovable, insanely perfect daughters are ok, even when I’m not with them.
Plus, other things have been going on that I just can’t blog about. But the past week was tremendously difficult and it all gave me a truckload of stress. Yoga is one of the ways I re-center and snap myself out of a funk.
But it can’t be sleepy, meditative yoga. It needs to be high impact, athletic yoga.
So I tried a new yoga class at Equinox gym this weekend and the teacher was just maddening. He talked way too much and barely had us moving. After 40 minutes, he stopped us all together and said, “We are now going to partner up and learn how to breathe into our backs.”
Oh annoying yoga dude, are you friggin’ serious?!
Maybe I’ve lived in New York City too long but I definitely didn’t want to be touching anyone in that class (although I’m sure they are super nice people and I mean them no disrespect). And I absolutely didn’t want to spend any more of my limited gym time – LEARNING HOW TO BREATHE INTO MY BACK.
So I walked out of the class.
And headed for the Arc Trainer cardio machine.
In my flip flops. Cause that’s all I had.
And I didn’t give a crap.
I pounded away on that Arc Trainer for 30 minutes in flip flops, despite tripping and almost falling off twice. But that may have been partly due to my obsessive focus on “The E! True Hollywood Story of Heath Ledger.”
After I finished, I felt better. Not about the tragedy of Heath but you know, overall.
I may have even felt a little breathing in my back. Whatever that means exactly.