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Apr
03
2008

I am sitting in jury duty and thinking… this seriously rocks. Am I not supposed to like this?

I have my laptop, my Blackberry, a Starbucks grande cafe mocha and a NY Post. And no one is bothering me. No one is crying. Not one person here has asked me to take them to the potty, pick them up or get them a snack. Apparently, all these other potential jurors are impressively self sufficient.

Although I wouldn’t mind wiping one guy’s nose who keeps sniffling over there.

But I can’t stay.

I must delay this jury bliss because the City of New York needs a 2 to 8 day commitment and I’ve got some stuff going on… like my husband is recovering from skin cancer surgery (he’s recovering very well) and my father (my jury duty babysitter) has shingles (Thank you to my mother-in-law for high tailing it up here to fill in).

If that doesn’t convince them, I will simply explain that I’m really just too tired to serve because last night I was out late at the NYC Moms Blog launch party, meeting all sorts of super cool, smart women. But I have to be careful and not brag (I’m sure they make braggers serve jury duty) that I won an 8 piece Calphalon cookware set there, courtesy of Graco. I entered their contest by sending in a photo that captured, “A Day in the Life of a New York City Mom”

So, of course, I sent in this one…

dylan-using-portable-potty.jpg

of 3 1/2 year-old Dylan using the portable potty on the street. Ok, I kind of feel like I pimped out my daughter to win but those are some really kickin’ pots and pans. If you like to cook gourmet meals, please come over and make me something on my new Calphalon. Winning stuff is so cool. Ok, I promise, another mama bird giveaway coming soon.

I should have brought Dylan to jury duty. Because that girl can think of a brazen excuse to get out of anything. Here are a few of my favorites from the past week.

Me: Honey, I want to put this barrette in your hair.

Dylan: No, you can’t. Doggy likes me to wear my hair down. (Note to reader: Doggy is a stuffed animal who I don’t think has ever expressed much of an interest in hair styling.)

****

Me: Dylan, please zipper up your coat. We need to leave for school.

Dylan: I can’t. I have a baby in my belly (She sticks out her belly as obvious proof).

****
Me: Dylan, please finish your dinner.

Dylan: I can’t because I have a rash on my tushy… so I can’t eat my dinner.

****

Me: Dylan, let’s take Summer and go get coffee. It will be fun. We’ll take a walk.

Dylan: Oh I can’t. I have to put Summer to sleep in the hall. (Confused? Perhaps a photo will explain.)

dylan-and-summer-in-hall.jpg

I don’t really know what’s going on here but at least I prevented Dylan from moving any of our furniture into the hallway. And I did eventually get my coffee.

Even without Dylan by my side, I manage to convince the court folks to delay my jury service.

Court Lady: When do you want to come back… June, July, August, September?

Me: Oh, June is good. That’s the soonest? Alright then. Yeah, that would be just perfect. Really looking forward to it. See you then!

28 Responses to the queen of excuses

  • Yes, jury duty is sounding pretty good to me, too. And why is it that all the other blogging mommies are having these great get-togethers without me? I mean, I don't exactly live in NYC or anything; but my cousin does. Does that count?

    Or I could just go out by myself and wear a sign: "I'm a Mommy Blogger – please talk to me." I mean, pathetic could be the new black…

  • You deserved to win those pots and pans– that is the most adorable picture:)

    And your daughter has got some really good excuses up her sleeve- you have to give her some credit for being very imaginative-and quite the comedienne! I am so sad that I missed the party last night!

  • Quinn says:

    Honestly, this one was laugh out loud funny. I think I'll use the rash excuse next time I want to get out of dinner plans. Love you all lots.

  • Jennifer H says:

    I am desperate to go for jury duty, for all the reasons you listed. Though it would make complete latchkey kids out of my offspring. Dang it.

    I love Dylan's reasoning…a future lawyer, maybe? And that photo is priceless.

  • Cat says:

    They occasionally send me notices for JD and I have to remind them that I am an alien (as if it isn't obvious).

    Hope everyone feels better soon!

  • wa says:

    You'd think a parent of young children would be the perfect jury member. "No, I've been really busy nursing, so I haven't heard of this OJ person you're talking about. Why? Did he do something bad?"

  • lucy says:

    that is hilarious! i love Dylan's imagination!

    and congratulations Kelcey on winning the Calphalon set! if any mama deserves to win something its you! who i think is a Supermum! sorry SuperMOM! xo

  • I can't believe you're letting a little thing like shingles (poor dad!) keep you from uninterrupted quality time with your blackberry!

    That Dylan is cute and SMART.

    I think you should definitely be able to get something out of having kids — and I certainly wouldn't mind a new set of Calphalon pans!

  • Jen says:

    This is a riot … I just got picked for jury duty next month and was dreading it … but maybe it will be a good break from two little girls (and a nice Starbucks fix!)

  • Tommy-Tom says:

    Ah, but you forget, Doggy has indeed expressed all sorts of interest in Miss Dylan's appearance ("you look marvelous this morning"), perhaps even her hair.

  • Lanie says:

    Hope that Rick and your dad are feeling better soon. Congratulations on winning – that picture is great. Glad that the NYC Moms Blog turned out well!

    Last time I went to jury duty I got picked for a 3 day defective penile implant case (more information that you would ever want to know about penile implants). . .

  • Jacki says:

    HA! I too look forward to doing things if it means I don't have to take Emma with me. That is why I now do grocery shopping at 8:00pm in the middle of the week. Sure, it is late, but Emma gets to stay home with Dad!

    Oh and my little Emma is the queen of excuses, too. Irritating sometimes.

  • Abby Siegel says:

    This post was absolutley your best. I loved jury duty-it was when I worked at Stuyvesant and was miserable, and I prayed that I would get on an 8 month trial so I'd never have to go back. I was also on target to be the foreman until the stupid case got thrown out. At least I figured out a way to get out of Stuy. Hope the guys are better!

  • Kristen says:

    I do hope Rick and your dad are feeling better soon! I could use JD as well.. Thanks for the laugh!

  • Jessi says:

    I have never been called for jury duty. I think I would love it. Best wishes on a quick recovery to both Rick and your dad. And a big high-5 to your mother-in-law for helping out.

    Dylan is an awesome big sister. (awww) Glad you got your coffee ;)

  • Portia says:

    Hope Rick and your dad(especially your dad-shingles is hella painful) are feeling better. Did you know that Anderson Cooper had skin CA surgery recently? What a coincidence.
    Congrats on the Calphalon set…I have Calphalon also…LOVE ‘Em…they will inspire you to cook they’re awesome!
    BTW…I cracked up when I first saw that pic of Dylan and her portable potty….still crackin’ up over here…

  • Tully's Mama says:

    One of my favs, Kelc. I love that Dylan got pimped out for some cookware. Tully has no idea what I’ve used her photo for. Aren’t we breaking some child labor law or something?

  • Rhea says:

    Those comments are fabulous! Hysterical! Please write them down in her baby book or somewhere to show her when she gets older.

    I've never done jury duty, but I could see how enjoyable it coculd be!

  • Sally says:

    I am a 40-something mama with one baby bird going to college next year, another in 7th grade right now. Oh if and only if I had this blog at my fingertips way back in 1990 when you , Kelcey, waved your big hair flag and I could have draped a big flag over my tummy. My former colleague, Alex, is your contributing cosmetics expert. Anyhow…old mama that I am, I'm kind of confused about the street potty. Is it meant for that, or is Dylan the brilliant marketer who knows how to leverage further uses for current users?

    Keep up the brilliant work.

  • mayberry says:

    That is exactly how I feel about solo air travel now that I am a parent. Delay? cancelled flight? Who cares! I have a magazine and a cup of tea. I'm good.

    Sorry to hear about the medical problemas though. Hope everyone is better soon.


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