the postpartum wardrobe: what to wear after the baby

There is so much to wear while you are pregnant. And so little afterward. I’ve long thought there should be a postpartum t-shirt line so people get a heads up that you just had a baby. Because a woman who has recently given birth looks pretty much like a woman who is 4 or 5 months pregnant.

My father-in-law still vividly remembers asking a family friend when she was due. Yeah, the baby was already home from the hospital.  It’s hard to politely recover from a conversation like that. You pretty much shout congratulations, get the hell out of there and send a very expensive baby gift.

So to avoid these types of situations, here is my new postpartum t-shirt line. The line is called, If You Ask Me If I’m Pregnant, I Will Probably Kill You.

“No, I’m not pregnant.”

“Don’t even think of asking me when I’m due.”

“Just because I’m still wearing maternity pants doesn’t mean I’m still pregnant.”

“I already had the baby. Why else would I look this tired?!”

“The baby is at home. This belly brought to you by chocolate croissants.”

See? Problem solved! And so much easier than carrying your baby everywhere you go.

mama bird notes:

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