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I adore summer. It’s the rock star of all the seasons. It’s warm. There is so much to do.  If you’re hungry, you can eat greasy fries at the pool club. If you’re thirsty, you can buy a cup of lemonade for 25 cents (or 50 cents if you live on the ritzy side of town).

You can sip gin and tonics at sunset on the beach and gaze out at the gorgeous ocean. You get to wear flip flops. Everywhere. It’s completely awesome and brilliant.

Except for stupid sand.

Sand is so ridiculous and dumb. It sticks to everything. It’s itchy. It finds its way into every corner of your house. It burns your feet. It flies in your eyes. It ends up on your towel. It then ends up in your va-jay-jay and your kids’ nooks and crannies. Sand is just a crazy menace. Like Wiener, Schwarzenegger and Edwards combined. Yes, that bad.

So I’m thinking we can replace all that awful beach sand with something a little more user friendly like…

Pavement: Imagine the awesome roller blading and biking at the beach. You can ride right into the surf!! Downside: That blacktop shit is HOT.

Wood chips: Unlike sand, I’ve never found a wood chip in my lady parts. Downside: Have to travel with a tweezer to constantly remove splinters from everyone’s feet.

Grass: Imagine running around on soft thick grass at the beach. Downside: Mowing all that grass. Upside: We’ll make that cad bachelor Bentley do it all!!

Feathers: Soft and luxurious. Downside: It might look like a bunch of birds died on our beaches.

Throw Pillows: Nate Berkus can design all our shorelines. So comfy and gorgeous. Downside: Some might view this as a waste of money during a time when government budgets are a bit strained.

Candy Corns: We can enjoy an endless supply of delicious candy while lounging at the shore. Downside: I’ll be completely nauseous at the end of every beach day but still won’t stop eating the stuff.

Justin Bieber sickers: Where else can we put them all? Think of it as quality time at the beach with JB. Downside: It will inspire me to keep singing that same line over and over again,”Eenie Meenie Miney Mo Lova.” Don’t even pretend like you don’t know that song. You don’t?! Well, trust me, it’s insanely catchy.

Okay, I realize any of these options are going to take some time and might not be in place when I get to the Jersey shore this weekend.

So for now, there is sand.

Lots and lots of sand.

Note: This post was surprisingly inspired by Wendi’s hatred of summer and 100 degree days in Texas.

39 Responses to the one thing i hate about summer (the season, not my kid)

  • Lexi says:

    The trick is to bring a container of baby powder with you. It brushes the sand off like magic, and leaves your skin feeling soft!

  • Stasha says:

    I see your sand and raise you double. Between the riding arena and the beach my dog brings into the house two kid spade sized piles everyday. How about tyre shavings? Reduce, reuse, recycle…

  • Mel says:

    This cracks me up! We just got back from a beach trip and while, in theory, taking a picnic and sitting in the sand watching the ocean is lovely, in reality it is just everyone eating sand-filled sandwiches and drinking sand-filled diet cokes. And I am now days and states away from that trip and STILL finding sand in my shoes!

  • Shannon Maida says:

    Since I live at the Jersey Shore, literally (unlike the cast of the Jersey Shore, who by the way are nothing like the other 99% of us residents!), this is a daily dilemma. I am totally digging the idea of the stickers, except can I make them the of the Tangled variety?

  • Lisa says:

    Because of sand I had to buy a $27 giant tub of butt cream. I realized after I typed that I should clarify that it is for my twin boys…not for me!

  • Jennifer says:

    The sand. I try to remind myself we’re lucky to live near the beach, so it’s a good problem to have. But THE SAND. We need an outdoor shower/laundry station.

  • According to the state of New jersey, you run the risk of being slapped with a $500.00 fine for operating said lemonade stand without a business license. At lease that is what happened to a couple of kids this week.

  • Leigh Ann says:

    Ha love that picture! Yeah, we have a sandbox. In our backyard. It gets played with daily. If we didn’t have carpet to make a lot of it easier to ignore, then I would surely go crazy. I hate wiping sandy butts! Ouch!

  • I hear ya sister!! I hate sand too! My friends make fun if me, but I can’t help it. I wish it never existed, but it does and my boys love it. Grrr! So I’ve thrown in the towel and we have a sand box in the back yard, they play in the sand volleyball court at the park, and we’ve been on a few beach vacations. As a matter a fact they just played at the park the other day and there’s sand in my Exp. I can’t wait to sweep it out. Ugh!

  • Betsy says:

    The last lemonade stand we went to here was a dollar per cup. (Former playgroup buddies, so we “had to” get some.) But lemonade and sand are just parts of summer.

  • Heidi says:

    Ugh, yes! I hate sand. Although I love, love, love the beach, I’m dreading our trip this year because Molly is all over the place now and will just climb all over me in her sandy glory. And then I’d look an awful mom if I didn’t pick her up. The things we do for our kids. *sigh*

  • Nancy Walton says:

    Terrific post, really. . .loved the entire thing, but thank you a million times over for mentioning what a CAD that Bentley is! So far he seems to have gotten away with being a liar and a player, making Ashley cry so early in the season. That is until NOW, when, with your exposure of his cadness, you have started what will surely become a movement to bring this rogue to some kind of cosmic justice. I’d go on but I really have to maximize my time online and now MUST go on YouTube and find that JB song; inquiring minds want to know! This post reminds me of a question I’ve had about Summer (the kid, not the season) though: does Summer love her name? I would think so, especially now that it’s. . . Summer! When I was her age and for about 2 years, I wanted to change my name to Sandy. Guess now I’m glad my parents didn’t give in to my desire because if they had, I may have been thought of as the girl named after the stuff that gets into someone’s va-jay-jay. Whew! Dodged that bullet. Thanks for reminding me.

  • I’m totally with you on the sand. But I am chuckling to myself because of how your post exposed my out-of-it-ness. I thought Bentley was referring to Mr. Bentley, the Jefferson’s neighbor and I was impressed with your knowledge of ’70’s television. I am completely serious. Help. Me.

  • Beth says:

    I whole-heartedly, 100% without a doubt agree with you. I hate sand and how it gets into my kids’ hair and takes an act of God to get it all off of their scalps. How it gets into every crack and crevice and even when you think it’s all gone, you always find more. Everywhere. Your post is so timely since soon we’re going to the beach for a week. I will think of you when I am cleaning the sand out of my lady parts. Wait…something about that just sounded really creepy and just plain WRONG! 🙂

  • That child looks like his father & the sand could be razor stubble. Sand isn’t THAT bad until it’s combined with salt water. It’s one of hte few upsides of the Great Lakes – you swim in lake michigan and when you emerge, you’re not sticky and salty and sort of encroute, the way you are down the shore. Speaking of which, where? And have FUN, sand or no. No child ever died from sand ingestion.

  • Jess says:

    I always thought that it was the water at the Jersey Shore that made the sand stick. You know, because of all that whale sperm? (Thanks, Snooki.)

    I’m gonna have to try that baby powder trick. I might even go to the beach more than once this year. Thanks to those that suggested that one!

  • Wait, is that a RECENT photo? Are y’all seriously wearing sweatshirts on the beach in June? I just might cry. Wendi has been bitching about Austin for a good reason because it’s been insane down here…100+ during the day and “cooling down” to 90 at night!

  • I laughed so hard over this post. The picture is precious. I would vote for candy corn, but after a hot sticky day at the beach I am assuming that I would be the color of the cast of ‘Jersey Shore’ without the rockin’ body. Unfortunately, I don’t know this for sure because I eat candy corn so fast that it never has the chance to stain my hands.

  • Rosstwinmom says:

    Every day I dump a pile of sand out of my boys’ jeans into the trash. Then I empty their shoes. It’s insane. I love that we now live by the beach, but the sand is not fun. We were at the beach last weekend and a mom let her tiny (well, she was walking) little girl walk around with only a shirt and no diaper. I could not stop staring….that poor baby! She just sat her bare bum in the sand and played. The mom didn’t even try to wipe it off before they left.

  • Lanne says:

    The easiest way of dealing with sand is baby powder. Super easy and simple… Just sprinkle it in pocket or inside shoes or over feet… And the sand falls right away.

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kelcey kintner