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Location: Hair salon in downtown NYC

I am sitting under a dryer. This is an integral part of the highlights process where I am told to keep my chin up which requires me to hold up a 374 page Elle magazine.

My shoulders and neck ache but I must persevere if I want to keep reading a soul exposing interview with American Reunion star Jason Biggs. His wife apparently once hired him a hooker for his birthday and then she wrote about it for Playboy.

Wait… what?!

Oh and he shows full frontal nudity in this latest American Pie installment.

Seriously.. what?!

Time to rinse.

Now the haircut. I’m trying a new guy. Perry.

Perry the hairdresser, who used to live in New York City and then moved to San Francisco but then moved back to NYC because SF because people have a different mindset. Here’s the proof. He’s a smoker and those Californians frowned at him when he threw his cigarette butts on the ground.

What is wrong with those uptight West Coasters? Let me remind you of my high school motto: Long live toxic water from cigarette butts.

I can only imagine Perry’s relief to return to Manhattan where you can literally throw cigarette butts, trash and even yourself on the ground and no one will notice. New Yorkers will just step over you as they make their way to their destination.  Home sweet home.

“So were you happy with your last haircut?” Perry asks.

“Umm… I guess.”

“Was there anything you wanted the person to do differently?”

“Umm… not really.”

Pause. I continue.

“Well, to be honest, I had it cut at a kid’s haircut place. I was there with my daughter and it only cost 40 bucks to do mine. Of course, they didn’t wash it or style it. But they did trim it a bit. So yeah, that’s what happened.”

“I’ve never been to one of those places,” says 20-something Perry. “They have those cars that kids can sit in right?”

“Exactly. But I didn’t sit in one of the cars. Really. I didn’t. I thought about it. Because well, who doesn’t want to sit in a hot pink Barbie car on a Tuesday afternoon but they didn’t offer it as an option and well, it felt awkward to ask. You know?”

Pause. I continue.

“So anywho – are you planning to see American Reunion? I am hearing a lot of Oscar talk. Jason Biggs has been overlooked by the Academy for far too long. Don’t you think?”

10 Responses to the hair salon

  • Student Mom says:

    Whahaha… Can’t be the South African Elle either – ours is all shoes and catwalk fashion that no one in their right mind would ever wear to the corner shop (which, obviously, is where we all hang out)… with our pet lions…

  • There are lots of things that I’d do to have material to write about. Hiring hubby a hooker is NOT ONE OF THEM. I’m guessing they don’t carry those kinds of magazines at the kids’ haircutting place?

  • Diane says:

    I confess to never having seen an episode of the American Pie fims (so lame). However, now my 13YO is a flute player and will be continuing on to the HS band and I’m terrified of seeing any of them for what may soon be to come. Should I or shouldn’t I?

  • anymommy says:

    Elle really is heavy. I always go with People for the dry. But I can barely type this because I am choking to death over the fact that kids’ haircut places charge $40.00 for an adult cut in NYC. You need to visit Spokane. You can get that shit for $7.99 on coupon day.

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kelcey kintner