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Aug
10
2012

OMG I love Michael Phelps. I can’t wait to see him win more gold at the Olympics. Go PHELPS!!!!!

Hold on a second… who the f*ck is that hottie who just won gold in the 400 meter individual medley? I didn’t even know there were other American swimmers, never mind a Channing Tatum!

Ryan Lochte wears braces? That’s kind of dorky and sweet.

Wait… that’s just a patriotic diamond grill in his mouth? I dig the American spirit but WAY cheesy dude. This is the Olympics. Get classy.

But still, look at that body.

I’m totally following him on Twitter.

Did he just tweet “Good morn LOCHTE NATION!!!” Please don’t do that again Ryan. What is wrong with you?

Okay, he’s not so good at interviews and I don’t anticipate him winning a Rhodes Scholarship anytime soon.

I wish he would stop talking.

He has a signature exclamation? This is a disturbing development. It’s “Jeah!” I really don’t understand what is happening.

Oh my god, he uses #jeah as a hashtag. This is torture.

He sells workout videos? Hey, Suzanne Somers Lochte, you are supposed to do that after your career takes a dive.

Did he just tweet, “everyone is selling dreams until u can buy one”?  Ryan, even you don’t know what the hell that means.

He describes his design style as a mix of rock star and hip hop. What?!

Please get back in the water. Quit your talking and just get back in the water.

You know I always liked that Michael Phelps.

22 Responses to the evolution of ryan lochte

  • Abby says:

    The problem with Ryan Lochte is that he’s from Florida and with that comes a super cheesy background in general. If you google him or just play around on the net you’ll find pics of him at a wedding with a head full of major curly hair. It was bordering on mullet-like. I would have looked at that and said PASS if I didn’t know he was “Ryan Lochte” and had the body. I know, it’s shallow, but I actually don’t even care about guys’ bodies all that much. But his cheese factor is so super high and he obviously didn’t get the luxury of any PR training or help, nor did his parents. His mom basically sold him out to be a ho with the one-night stand thing (Good for you, Ryan!) and now his parents are divorcing and in foreclosure. It’s a shame this stuff gets national attention but he is who he is so it’s news. I am so not digging the mouth grill either. But if it were between him and Phelps, I’m Team Lochte. Phelps can swim but he can’t talk and I’M BORED. Let’s just bring on the real reason we had the Olympics in London-Spice Girls at the closing ceremony!!!

    • Bitsy says:

      Hey! I’m from Florida and I’m not cheesy. OMG, maybe I AM cheesy. Excuse me while I self-assess.

  • Becky says:

    It’s always a disappointment when a sample of man candy opens his mouth and makes you realize no amount of hot abs and buffed biceps can make you overlook a criminally-inflated ego. And stupidity.

  • During BlogHer my 11 y.o. who was in the throes of a similar progression in her feelings about RL texted me to say, “Mom! He just admitted to peeing in the pool!” And I’ve gone from saying, “He’s from my hometown” to “Oh….dear.”

  • Marta says:

    You’re totally right he needs to get back in the pool. He’s hot, not going to deny him that. But kind of a giant douchebag. And not really even a loveable way. I’d rather get high with Michael Phelps I think.

  • anna see says:

    oh my! this is hliarious. i’ve been hearing murmurs regarding r. l. being a douchebag, but i hadn’t heard why. i have no more questions.

  • I had a similar experience with a lifeguard at our pool a couple of years ago. I far preferred him slightly far away in a chair and not telling me that he was a True Blood “fanatic.”

    Seriously though – I imagine PR staff cringing and hoping that people are too busy looking at R.L. to be listening to him.

  • Denise says:

    I’m on team Phelps, at least he just r/t’s all the celebrities that congratulate him and then a nice daily inspirational quote…

  • I stumbled across your blog and have been stalking you all day so I thought I’d say Hi, so maybe you won’t think I’m totally creepy if you notice all my stalking…….WHEW I’m out of breath from typing that run-on sentence!
    That grill….I’m speechless.

  • Jenny says:

    Oh my goodness this made me laugh. I started following RL at the beginning of the Olympics and agree with this whole post.. I had to look up what the hell #jeah meant. What is wrong with #yes??

  • Jesabes says:

    Well I’m definitely not following him on Twitter, but I’ve kept this browser window open all day so I can keep looking at the picture.

  • mrs. t says:

    I say, get this man some acting lessons and let him play Christian Grey. He has the look. But then he opens his mouth and speaks, and I’m like, nope. Not at all. Close your mouth and just let me look at you.


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