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Things happen when you’re pregnant and give birth.

I promise I could captivate you with a dark tale about Percocet and what can happen when one’s body doesn’t handle it well (no, not drug addiction, people).

But not today. Today is about abdominal hernias!

I have one. So do lots of postpartum women. And it has to be fixed with surgery.  Scheduling surgery is obviously a snap when you have four kids, six and under. And I’m counting on my children to just play on their own quietly while I spend two weeks on the couch recovering, watching Jennifer Aniston movies (according to my calculations, she’s made one good movie and 47 lame ones) but I strangely never give up on her.

First mission:  Find a surgeon.

I’m all about convenience so I went for a consultation with a surgeon who is about 6 minutes from my house. He walks into the exam room and immediately starts talking in a thick southern accent which I quickly identify as an Atlanta accent (I have no idea how I know this).  I then ask him a bit about his background and it turns out he went to Tulane.

Yes. My Tulane.

And he graduated the year before me.

And he was in the same fraternity as my college boyfriend.

Then, because it’s a natural transition, he wants to see my abdomen and c-section scar.

At this point, I really need to clarify two things.

Have I EVER kissed this guy during my 4 years at college? I have not.

Secondly, have any of my friends hooked up with this guy?

I send off some quick texts to my college girlfriends and to the best of their beer haze recollections, they have not.

I guess this guy spent a lot of time in the library.

Even so, most people would probably go find another surgeon. But I like this doctor. He has an impressive resume. He comes highly recommended. And I’m reasonably confident that he knows the joy of sitting on a curbside at 2 a.m. throwing back crawfish during Mardi Gras and then meandering home without shoes, only to find his roommate’s cousin lying on the kitchen floor spooning a half eaten dish of flan.

In other words, he’s perfect.

36 Responses to the downside of having cute little babies

  • Marie C. says:

    What is it about Jen Aniston? I always watch her movies too. I can’t think of one off the top of my head that actually enjoyed. Hmmm let me sleep on it.

  • Lee says:

    I’m so jealous! I begged my doctor to look for one so I could get a tummy-tuck combo! Alas, I have none. Seriously though, I do hope you heal quickly.

  • Sherry says:

    Good luck with the surgery. Had it myself. Not too bad. But do take it easy afterwards. Easier said than done I know.

  • Mwa says:

    Well, character does count for something in a surgeon and it sounds like you know his. Good luck! Especially with the rest after…

  • MN Mama says:

    One of the ob/gyns at the practice I go to went to Tulane medical school. I love talking NO with him. I wish you all the best with the surgery. By the way, I must have missed your text!

  • mackbeth says:

    Which one was the good one? I’m obsessed with her movies, I think it’s the fashion and hair, it cannot be the characters or amazing acting ability. I do watch the Break Up although my sister just reminds me that they just scream and yell the entire movie.

  • Diane says:

    If fixing an abdominal hernia anything like a tummy tuck? Cuz my insurance probably wont pay for that but if I had a *medically necessary* rationale, maybe I could get rid of this post-4-baby-tire-bulge sitting around my waist. And if you have drains after your surgery (be sure to ask), I’ll hook you up with some Pink Pockets.

  • Wouldn’t it be nice if the baby-delivery docs could put in a sort of zipper or velcro mechanism so that the post-baby pudgies could get rolled in and zipped away, sort of like the rain cover on a stroller? So let’s get this straight: you found a smart, familiar doctor who is six minutes away? I’d say you totally scored. But stay away from the Aniston movies during recovery. Find some nice Sandy Bullock nonsense, or go old and re-visit all the Nick and Nora Charles “Thin Man” movies – fab clothes, witty repartee (when is the last time any of us had THAT?), a little mystery, and martinis. Perfect.

  • LT says:

    When is the surgery? Maybe we can arrange for Jennifer Anniston to come help with the kids :-). Was my cousin on the floor eating flan? xoxo

  • I second that about Jennifer A – I too hold her in high regard despite her lame presence in the cinema.

    As for the hernia, I’m there too! I hold myself akin to Kelly Ripa with her umbilical hernia that she says “often gets caught in [my] zipper”. Mine gets stares at the kiddie pool, since the kiddies are at hernia (aka “outtie”) level. They’ve even pointed at it, those little rats.

    Scheduled a surgery and then cancelled it at the 11th hour due to my fear of the downtime with 3 kids needing a “lift” to a crib, the car, etc. Whatever…bikini season is short.

  • Robyn says:

    Same thing just happened to me with my soon-to-be-kindergartener’s PRINCIPAL. My husband (who I met in college) tells me he recognized the principal as a fellow “greek” and knew which fraternity he was in. I’m quite sure I never kissed him (as he didn’t look familiar), but that doesn’t mean he didn’t see ME drunk dancing in a frat house.

  • magpie says:

    LOL – Someone I know from IF circles ended up at the same OB practice that I did, and it turned out that she HAD fooled around with the only male doctor in the practice many many years ago in college.

  • francine Kasen says:

    The Good Girl was the only one worth the price of admission! I actually asked the theater for my money back after Along Came Polly. There’s 2 hours I’ll never get back! On other hand. Babel (Brad Pitt) was one of my all time favorites and her ex is a far better actor than I expected at the time. Seriously….rent Babel if you have not seen it!!! I’ll pay for your rental if you hate it!

  • johanna says:

    Good luck with the surgeon search, surgery, and recovery. Amazing how much our bodies can endure to birth and raise these little muchkins eh?!! Hope you get to recover with feet up, eating bon bons, watching trash TV, and relaxing while someone takes care of all kid matters and waits on you hand and foot 🙂

  • Nancy Walton says:

    I have to agree with you and with francine: The Good Girl was pretty darn good, girl! Jen’s acting in it was award-worthy but the idea that she could be married to John C. Reilly was a big stretch, for me, even if she didn’t wear any makeup and was only a checker at a discount store. I also liked Friends With Money and I’ll see Horrible Bosses soon, which I heard is hilarious. Oh, but this post is really about your impending surgery (get what you need and anything else that can be nipped or tucked while you’re under, I say) and your doctor. When you have to search the memory files to figure out if you may have dated your health care professional, that’s when you know you really are getting older. Just sayin’.

  • Iam so glad you brought up this topic. I think I may have something going on, but not sure it’s a hernia. (The doctor says no, but I am notsure). See, sometimes I get these spasms, like a charlie horse in my stomach. Is that what it feels like to you?

    I know this is so wierd to be even talking about with someone I don’t even really know and just saw once briefly at the Mouthy Housewives party, but seriously, this has been happening on and off for two years and I have yet to meet someone who has the same thing going on.

    Again, sorry for oversharing. . . .

  • Tisha says:

    C’mon… what about Along Came Polly? That movie was an absolute riot (unless you have a strict aversion to silly Ben Stiller films). The supporting cast–Alec Baldwin, Philip Seymour Hoffman–was outright hilarious.

  • Valerie says:

    Good for you! I am terrified of the procedure and will likely be managing my hernia and diastic recti for the rest of my God-given life. However, if I “watch” you (through your blog, of course) and it goes well I may just have to follow in your footsteps. The diastis is getting corrected through physical therapy but I maintain that there must be a hernia. I mean, all those nights sleeping with the double nursing pillow and babies in front of me and then sitting up, post c-section. I can’t help but think something is wrong but the OB said only a surgeon will find it (when getting the tummy tuck). :/

  • barb sigel says:

    I am showing this to my husband when he returns from seeing the 4th doctor for hernia surgery. He can’t find the “right” one. It’s like being married to a more neurotic Woody Allen.

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kelcey kintner